How does one cultivate genuine gratitude?
July 15, 2011 6:30 PM Subscribe
How do I cultivate gratitude for my wife, without feeling like I'm sucking up to her or giving-in to her?
posted by anonymous to human relations (22 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
We've been married 15+ years, even though we are pretty different: she is more of a "thinker," pragmatic/ controlling/ domineering/ strong willed/ opinionated- at least I perceive her to be. I tend to be a "feeler," more sensitive/artistic/spiritual/mindful. She has a strong career/earns a ton of money. I have a "good job" that I don't really value.
Because of this dynamic, I have vilified her to a certain degree. I have also sought escape through substance abuse, which has exacerbated the dominant/subordinate nature of the relationship. (what makes this worse is that I have suffered from self-esteem issues nearly my entire life - I see a therapist)
To the extent I have taken substances off the table, the more negative thoughts/ feelings about her surface - I don't want this.
I want to focus on/ cultivate the good/positive that is there, but not feel like, by doing so, I'm subordinate or helping to "build a monster."
How do I become "more of a man," "less of a nice guy," while still cultivating the gratitude that I actually still have for her?