i am having jealousy problems
June 12, 2011 11:59 AM Subscribe
am i being a crazy shrew? am i asking for too much? what is reasonable because i just don't know anymore.
posted by memi to Human Relations (49 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
i had an on again off again rocky relationship with someone who had declared himself a commitment phobe. we broke it off, i wanted a relationship, he did not, i decided to move on.
i went away for a time as did he. when i came back he declared that he was in love with me, was ready for commitment and was, as he puts it, "in it to win it". in telling me all this, he neglected to mention that he had fooled around with one of our co-workers after explicitly promising me that he would not become involved with anyone else in the office. we work in a very small office, i sit feet away from this co-worker and was regularly jealous of their flirtatious relationship. he claims it wasn't flirtatious just that she liked him, made herself available and he didn't discourage that. suffice it to say a week after we broke up, he made out with her after a work party, called me the next morning and told me he wasn't going to pursue anyone at work and then while i was away made out with her again. i had been pretty clear before i left that i was hoping to put away the baggage and suffering of the few months of our breakup and that we could be friends.
making out with someone seems generally pretty forgivable. the messiness of having to see this person every day has been hard but manageable. this all happened months ago.
since that time he has been available, loving, kind and generally a very sweet man. i can't seem to get over the past. he has a number of girls he regularly texts with etc. most of whom he had some kind of romantic relationship with. a few of whom he hooked up with while we were broken up. again, i know, that's totally fair, we were broken up but i still feel suspicious if these were long term relationships or meaningful friendships sure, but why text with someone you just occasionally hookup with? even if it isn't sexy texting.
i feel like a crazy jealous shrew. i don't trust him. i really want to but i don't and i can't tell if this is just paranoia, me being controlling or good instincts. over the last week i started three jealousy based fights with him. one over looking at a girl in the street (it's ridiculous, i know), one over talking to the girlfriend of a coworker he just met at a party (again, i am being an ass), taking her card and hugging her goodnight and one over the past co-worker who he had made out with (why can't i get over this already).
he is now fed up with me. he says i have a huge problem with jealousy, that he isn't doing anything wrong and that i have to get over this. i agree i have to get over this but i have no idea how. i feel broken and shitty and like i am sabotaging something which is just becoming good.
please help me hive mind. i just feel like a freaking ruiner.