My mom...my mom.
May 16, 2011 7:25 PM Subscribe
How do I deal with my mother's lack of interest/active sabotaging of her own health?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (11 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My mother, in her mid 60s, has had a long history of neglecting her health. She drinks a bit much, and that has affected our relationship somewhat significantly I think. My father and mother have a pretty strong relationship and rely on each other quite a bit, but my father is extremely compliant and active in his medical care.
My mom, on the other hand, has maybe been to the doctor 3x in the last decade. She never follows up with any appointment or recomendation. She does not take any medications. I really don't know if she knows if she has high blood pressure, whether she has had a pap smear in the last decade or basically anything.
If I ask my mother about it, she starts speaking quickly, saying "I'll go see the doctor" then "I don't want to talk about it" then "leave me alone". I can't say that I'm perfect in communicating with her, which makes me really sad. But she is very, very difficult to talk to about anything like this, quickly changes the subject and usually says "I have to go" and hangs up the phone. This is sort of pattern with our communication in general.
Anyway, I'm not perfect in my relations with her, but would really like to have better communication with her. But I'm not sure where to begin or if there's really a point in trying. I know she loves me very much and is constanly thinking of me, but she also is really good at saying exactly the wrong thing and sometimes I think it's intentional sabotaging of our relationship in the same way that I think she intentionally seems to be sabotaging her health.
Doesn't help that I'm a health professional.
Anyway, my father told me that through a roundabout turn of events he found out that my mom has found blood in her urine recently. She told him that she will go to the doctor, but in truth, she doesn't even have a doctor, and I'm not sure she will. I'm not sure she won't say that she went to the doctor even if she hasn't.
I wonder sometimes if my mother is actively trying to have an early death because her mother had terrible alzheimers and she's trying to avoid that fate. She actively avoids taking walks, exercise and sort of any health promotion activity.
I'm not even sure what my question is. Obviously I'm worried about my mom (who I love, by the way, even though I find our relationship extremely complicated). I just was wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom for dealing with a parent with no real chronic mental issue but is extremely unwise about her own health?