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May 10, 2011 1:56 PM   Subscribe

How do I make a long project a little more fun for the BF?

My boyfriend is currently working on a long project that will take up most of this month. It is an art project that involves a lot of sitting in one place and staring at the computer screen, as well as a lot of hard thinking and noodling. He's only been at it for a few days and there's already been a fair amount of frustration and stress.

It's just something he has to power through, but I wanted to support him and try to make it a little more pleasant. He works full time and this will eat up most of his free time for a while. Normally when we spend time together we go out, but I don't want to distract him or impede his progress so I figure one thing I can do is just spend quiet time with him working in proximity (we're both artists, so kind of like an art date har har).

Besides doing this and supplying a constant stream of coffee for his coffeeholic self, what are some things I can do to help make this a more pleasant experience? What are some things you have done for your partner/spouse when they were doing long and tedious work? Or what little (or big) things have you appreciated your partner doing for you when you were involved in a long project?
posted by sprezzy to Human Relations (17 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
stock his refrigerator full of good home cooked meals he can eat when he can/wants to take a break.
Provide shoulder massages without asking.
If you live together, try to do more than your share of the chores.
posted by wocka wocka wocka at 1:59 PM on May 10, 2011


clean.
posted by sweetkid at 1:59 PM on May 10, 2011


Cook, clean, bake, make the bed, make him coffee, do errands, do laundry
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:01 PM on May 10, 2011


Response by poster: Oh, just to clarify, we don't live together.

And while I appreciate the suggestions about household chores (keep those going, if that's your answer!), I'm also looking for examples outside of those. Personal stories of sweet gestures are welcome!

Thanks for the answers so far!
posted by sprezzy at 2:05 PM on May 10, 2011


If he can listen to music whilst doing his staring/thinking/noodling, put him together a mix tape or whatever it is that you kids today do to create a specific assemblage of music.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 2:07 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]


I appreciate the out of the box gesture idea, but honestly, OP, when I am stuck in a huge project I always wish someone could just do the cleaning for me and make sure i have food, because all that tends to go to hell pretty quickly. And I don't have anyone, so everything just goes to hell. Don't let it happen to your BF.
posted by sweetkid at 2:27 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]


Honestly? When my now-wife was going through nursing school, I literally had to make meals for her and I literally had to make her stop studying and eat them.

One hopes that your BF will be avoiding that sort of laserlike focus but honestly? It might be worth monitoring his basic health/hygiene levels, especially if he's sprinting to get this done on that tight a deadline.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 2:34 PM on May 10, 2011


If I were in his shoes, I'd definitely be most grateful for all that mundane housework/food-related stuff.

Other than that, something that would make his work easier? If staring at the computer for long hours leads to eye strain, maybe get him one of those fridge/freezer gel pack things that people (women, typically) put on their eyes? A mousepad with gel-wrist support? (Granted this may be more hindering than helpful if he's designing and used to doing it without a mouse pad.) An awesome office chair if you know he hates his? Get him his favourite snack food?

Basically if my SO kept me supplied with meals, clean clothes, caffeine, beef jerky, and back rubs/hugs on demand, I'd almost look forward to stressful mega-projects. You're very thoughtful to do this for him.

Also, a side note: For certain types of work, I just need to be left alone for days on end, without feeling guilty that I'm neglecting anyone. I'm not sure what your BF's style is -- if you know he likes company around while he's working, then by all means hang out. But if you're unsure, a comment to let him know that he can "kick you out" whenever he needs to, sans consequences, might be appreciated.
posted by miss_kitty_fantastico at 2:42 PM on May 10, 2011


Response by poster: I appreciate the out of the box gesture idea, but honestly, OP, when I am stuck in a huge project I always wish someone could just do the cleaning for me and make sure i have food

Oh, absolutely! I plan on doing that stuff anyway, I was just curious to see what other people might say. :)
posted by sprezzy at 2:46 PM on May 10, 2011


Ditto everyone on the housework and meals. When I'm up to my eyeballs in schoolwork, I don't ever want to be made to think about anything else. I don't want my husband to ask what I want for dinner, I want him to figure it out without involving me at all and present me with a plate when it's ready.

I also like gentle and unobtrusive shoulder caresses and forehead kisses while I'm working, and big hugs and balanced pep talks when I'm taking a break (because usually whatever I'm working on is, in that moment, making me feel like total crap and hate my program and rue the day I ever thought grad school would be a good idea).

My husband likes to take me out to dinner a lot when I'm working on a big project because I might not recognize that what I need right now more than anything is to step away from the keyboard for a bit, but he does. And he's always right.

It might be fun to plan a show or an excursion or a fancy night out or something like that a few days after his project is due to be complete, to give him something to look forward to.

This is very sweet of you to ask, and good luck to your boyfriend!
posted by anderjen at 3:07 PM on May 10, 2011


I was very busy on a long term project recently and my roommate kept up with the dirty dishes. I was so absurdly grateful for a clean kitchen sink and some food that I didn't have to take time to make. It was amazing.

I would suggest (as an artist) not to work in proximity. Not for extended periods of time, anyway. I find I am extra sensitive to the moods of others around me when I am working and it can be a distraction. I also want to be frustrated and crabby in private, and not worry about being judged for crabbiness, or snapping at people in proximity in a cross moment. SO artists working in the same space is only nice in theory, in my experience. It's too easy to come to detest so-and-so's breathing/foot wiggling/humming/angry scribbling.

Try finding a TV series to work through, one episode per night. Come over, get him to break for food, watch an episode. Then go off to do your own thing, and leave him to do his. And perhaps let him know you're happy to join him if he wants a break for coffee or ice cream or something.
posted by griselda at 4:03 PM on May 10, 2011 [1 favorite]


I buy my fiance candy or other treats and hide them in his bag, desk drawer, etc.
posted by radioamy at 4:04 PM on May 10, 2011


I have a tendency to hunch up my shoulders when I'm getting really focused on projects at my computer, so some sort of subtle reminder to stretch out & straighten my posture is hugely appreciated (and makes backrubs more about having a little treat than damage control).
posted by polymath at 4:55 PM on May 10, 2011


If he is struggling to maintain focus, or procrastinating or even just finding the process a bit boring, you could provide him with rewards for various goals on the way to completion. Talk to him about the project enough that you get a sense of what steps are involved (I have no idea about art, but e.g. in a writing project there would be drafts of each section, revisions of each section, a full draft, a final draft, formatting, etc), and plan a little reward for each achievement. Maybe candy, or a massage, or a cocktail, or something like that.
posted by lollusc at 5:22 PM on May 10, 2011


2nding helping him take breaks. Here are a couple ways...

nobody's mentioned sex?

Also, maybe you can't go out as often or as long as you usually do, but you can still go sit in a coffee shop for 20 minutes or take a walk around the block.
posted by jander03 at 9:41 PM on May 10, 2011


Seriously I would ask him about what he needs. To be brutally honest, if I'm on a long hard project like this, I do not want someone sweetly and quietly sharing my space. I want them to make sure there is food, load the dishwasher, and then go away or try as hard as possible to pretend I am not there. If they could walk the dog while in the process of going away, that's extra ace.

Yes, I have a live in partner. Yes, we have had to work out how to make this possible. It does, though, 95% of the time and for that I am so very grateful.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:37 AM on May 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


Remind him to get up and stretch, walk around periodically.
posted by WeekendJen at 1:01 PM on May 11, 2011


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