How do I change my life from an immature lax kid to a mature responsible man?
April 25, 2011 10:19 PM Subscribe
I need help with my life especially what's going on with me nowadays. How to defeat my fear of failure? How should I start living a fresh life? How do I actually start?
posted by Johnkx to human relations (11 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
How to defeat my fear of failure?
I listed my fears that really stops me from moving just thinking about it
Fear of failing
fear of getting deported
fear of failing parents
I've been a lax "kid" and now that I'm turning 22, I felt like I just entered the real world and everything just got smacked on my face. I couldn't handle the real world at the moment especially the things that's happening in my life so far. I felt like I was REALLY lucky and now I feel guilty of what I did of the past. Yes it is the past and I should forget it but my past just keeps haunting me with guilt and fear that I couldn't forget it. I'm an immature kid, still immature wanting to grow up to live the real world.
Fear of failing -> I needed an A in my class, If I couldn't get an A there wouldn't be any chance for me to get in the nursing program in my SCHOOL, but I could go to other colleges but the chances are really low. Problem is - I'm not sure if I'm going to get an A since my first test score was a C. I'm about to see a Nursing councilor this thursday and I'm just praying that he has something good to say.
Fear of getting deported -> Like I said, I needed to pass my classes to become an RN and then be petitioned by companies in order to stay (but yea,, I'm kinda failing on that part). What's worse? I'm an international student, I pay 3k a semester (Fall and Spring) so that means 6k a year. My mom's company have problems and she's probably going to lose her job on 2012. Basically I'm their only hope, but their hope is not doing well either, and without her job , my dad's gonna lose his status and lose his job as well -> without their job, I don't have tuition fee for my school -> Without being a nurse I feel like I failed them both. I really felt like they trusted their life to me and failing them means death to me so as of now I'm kind of in a suicide multiple choice question (A. Shoot myself, B. Pretend accident, C. None of the above). I've been told to marry someone and pay them 20k unluckily - i haven't found a single girl who'd accept it, the risk is high but I have no care for my life other than giving my family the status that they needed so I intend to do the risk, just sadly no one wants to do it - and I rather not make a classified ad - but I really HOPE that someday I would be given a chance to become a citizen/immigrant in the US without the illegal stuff, I came here legally, stayed here legally and I want to stay here legally - After that - I could die peacefully.
I've been told not to worry, BUT WOW of course I have to worry - if I don't then I think I'd fail some more. I need to be conscious about what's going on with me in order to fix my problem, but my chest just keeps getting heavy and there are moments that I feel like my time stops and I stop breathing - its like my heart stopped beating for a sec feeling. I couldn't take it - I don't want to turn to alcohol nor drugs, Video games have been keeping me for a while but there are times that they don't work anymore.
I'm really not good at following myself, but if anyone else out there have an advice, plan or whatever you got in mind please I need it. I couldn't help myself anymore - I'll take any chance . I haven't stopped thinking about suicide for months and I'm not strong as I used to before. If I don't find hope - I think - for the first time in my life - I quit.