Help me not be a creepy jealous boyfriend
April 18, 2011 4:40 PM Subscribe
How do I get over feeling weird about my girlfriend and her male friend?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (41 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My GF works with people around her (and my) age, so she makes a lot of friends through her job. One of these is a guy, Dan let's call him, who she'll occasionally get lunch or see a movie with, or hang out with as part of a group of people. I ought to be fine with this and I know it, but I'm not. I have what might be either legitimate reasons or strained justifications for this.
I have no issues with her hanging out with our mutual friends who are guys. A big part of my problem is that I don't know Dan at all, and my GF seems embarrassed by the possibility that I tag along with her and her work friends when they do things. That's normally fine since she's more social than I am to begin with, but now it just leaves me paranoid about Dan and his intentions, because I have no idea what kind of person he is. My girlfriend defends him when I mention this, which really only makes me feel weirder. I trust my girlfriend completely when she says she's not interested in anyone else, but she's been too nice to recognize people being interested in her in the past.
I also keep going back, in my head, to a situation where Dan tried to set up his friend with my girlfriend despite knowing she was in a relationship with me (I'd met Dan several times, but never for more than a minute or two, and it's not a secret my GF and I are dating). She turned Dan's friend down and that was that, but I hate thinking of my GF hanging out alone with a guy who clearly doesn't care that she's in a relationship.
I feel weird (anxious, paranoid) when they hang out, and then I feel guilty for feeling weird, but I can't seem to get over it, even being rationally aware that I have nothing to be afraid of. It's very hard to bring up with my girlfriend without an argument, because we seem to have different standards: I think I would feel like I was doing something wrong if I had the same relationship with a female friend, and I honestly don't know if my girlfriend would mind or not. So what do I do?