Prom?

May 3, 2005 8:33 PM

Reading this thread it occured to me that I too am a highschool student, yet had never really thought about prom. Attending said event had never occured to me. The "if you don't do this you'll regret it for the rest of your life" posts have teamed up with a lifetime of pop culture refrences and are now ringing in my head, making me wonder... should I go? [mi]

Do you remember whether or not you went? If you didn't, do you regret it? Please elaborate.

posted by phrontist to human relations (70 comments total)

I didn't go. I didn't regret it, either. I spent the night at home drinking beer with my parents and had a much better time than I would have at Prom, but I'm also peculiar in that I really don't like crowds and didn't like the people I went to high school with, most of whom showed up at prom high or drunk.
posted by SpecialK at 8:39 PM on May 3, 2005

While I'm at it...

Feel free to answer the above question, subsituting gradution (the ceremony) for every instance of prom.
posted by phrontist at 8:46 PM on May 3, 2005

I went to my junior prom with my boyfriend and decided it wasn't awful, but it wasn't worth it for the money. For senior prom, the same boyfriend and I stayed home and had a much better time. Three years later I don't regret it (and I've even been known to feel nostalgic about high school every once and a while). I guess I just don't like silly, frilly dances.
posted by Crushinator at 8:47 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go and didn't regret it. But then as a queer going to a Catholic HS, I think I'm a statistical outlier. I say, if you've got someone you want to go with, it can't hurt. Well, as long as you don't freak out and spend a billion dollars on it.
posted by kavasa at 8:49 PM on May 3, 2005

Not liking the people you went to high school with is not peculiar, nor is a distaste for crowds. It's just the popular people trying to convince everyone that being popular is something of consequence.

Chances are that if you think you probably wouldn't enjoy it, or that it isn't worth going, then you won't and it isn't.

It's the same with office parties. There's a core group of people that really enjoy them (or believe they really enjoy them) and therefore *everyone* will enjoy an office party if they just give it a chance. These people use the word "party" to define a good time. There are plenty of us in the world for which a good time does not require a party, or for that matter alchohol.
posted by krisjohn at 8:50 PM on May 3, 2005

I went with a friend of mine and our two dates. My date was a good pal of mine, hers was more of a "date" type. We all had an okay time, but it was a little silly. My life has gotten way more interesting and memorable since high school. I might have wondered about it if I hadn't gone but knowing me, probably not. I did go to my graduation and felt that it was a waste of time for me personally but my family seemed to appreciate it.
posted by jessamyn at 8:51 PM on May 3, 2005

Ahem. I meant graduation
posted by phrontist at 8:52 PM on May 3, 2005

If you haven't cared enough to think about it until now, when you're actually in high school and it has some relevance to your life, you're unlikely to 'regret it for the rest of your life.' The people who said that always seemed to me like the sort for whom high school would serve as the high point of their life - a terrifying [but laughable] thought to me. If you were one of them, you wouldn't be asking this question. From what I heard, it was pretty much like any other dance, but with a lot more money involved. The same execrable music, awkward groups of people, heck, in my high school the prom was held in the same gym every other dance was held. However, you had to fork over money for your dress/tux, for your expensive dinner, for your limo, for the picture of you leaning drunkenly on your date's arm, for the mandatory afterprom... and there were any number of restrictions - you had to get to prom by a certain time, you had to go to the afterprom, you had to inform the school of who your date was beforehand... If that all sounds worth the money and time, than go. Otherwise, don't worry.

As is probably obvious, I didn't go, and I've never regretted it. I seem to recall that I read a book and made myself some popcorn that night, but then again, like SpecialK, I disliked crowds, and I liked the people at my high school even less. [On preview - my parents forced me to go to graduation, but I managed to skip out of the sentimental last-day-of-school activities, the senior retreat, and all bits of graduation that weren't the actual ceremony. Again, no regrets.]
posted by ubersturm at 8:52 PM on May 3, 2005

I spent prom night with my friends, none of whom went, either. Senior prom is one of the few rites of passages left in suburban life, but not everyone "needs" or even appreciates these social quasi-ceremonies. If you're the type who plays down birthdays and don't belong in the strippers-and-booze-on-your-21st camp, then you probably wouldn't miss prom, either.

The main exception is if you have close friends who are going and you'd like to spend the time with them (and their dates). But there's a lot of opportunities for that around graduation time as well.

Lastly, as long as you still have more years ahead of you than years behind you, "the rest of your life" is a long, long time. How old were the people who claimed that missing prom would be something to regret "for the rest of your life"?
posted by DaShiv at 8:53 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go to mine and didn't regret it. If I remember correctly I spent the night getting drunk. Or something like that. I didn't have any friends in highschool though, so it didn't matter much.
posted by puke & cry at 8:54 PM on May 3, 2005

I went, and I didn't regret it, but it was mostly a miserable experience. But I too am an outlier: how many other people had to run to the bathroom every five minutes to put Benadryl on their full-body glowing red rash resulting from a drug allergy?
posted by goatdog at 8:54 PM on May 3, 2005

Prom sucks, but you should go, anyway.
I don't know how else to put it.
posted by Dr. Wu at 9:03 PM on May 3, 2005

I went to two, and had fun - but it didn't impact my life in any meaningful way - my life experiences since then were much more important to me. I mean, if you're planning on the cheesy 90210-lose-your-virginity type escapade, sure, it'll be memorable. Otherwise, if you don't want to go, don't sweat it. And if you do go, don't spend a fortune - there are better ways to spend your money.
posted by cajo at 9:03 PM on May 3, 2005

I don't regret going to prom, but having gone, I know I wouldn't have missed anything by not going.

I skipped my high school graduation. I don't regert it one bit. I did more work going to pick up the diploma a week later than I did the four years I was there "earning" it.

Now, when I graduate from college, I plan on going to the ceremony. I've had to work much harder to earn this degree and it means a lot to me, so the ceremony will mean something.
posted by Apoch at 9:04 PM on May 3, 2005

If you weren't thinking of going, it's probably not your thing. Having said that, my understanding is that many US proms are NOT something I would have liked, but as my Canadian school was tiny, and most of us had been together for between 6-12 years, and we were all pretty good friends, our graduation night was pretty fun. We had a big dinner with all of our parents, some silly graduation presentation thing, then we all had a big after-party at a house. The next morning, another family had the traditional pancake breakfast (I kid you not!). That kind of thing was perfect for our group of people; if you go to some big school, don't particularly like your classmates, and have rules (you have to tell the school who your date is?) that seem silly, don't go, or make your own counter-grad party. Have some friends over, or go do something together. You can mark that chapter of your life in many ways besides going to an annoying party in a school gym or something. Camping? Midnight breakfast? A local show?
posted by fionab at 9:05 PM on May 3, 2005

I graduated high school in June 2003. I don't recall there being a prom specifically, but there probably was. I never paid attention to those things. Never went to any dances, any events. A friend convinced me that I should go to the Graduation party...I went. Not going to prom wasn't a mistake. Going to graduation WAS a mistake, for me. I didn't want to go, I only went because someone told me to. I did not have fun, and I ended up leaving early and $60 down. I went to a friends house down the street and enjoyed my time there.

So from my experience, even though it's less than 2 years after the fact; If you don't WANT to go, you probably shouldn't. Don't let someone tell you that you should, because if you don't want to go in the first place, you probably wont enjoy it. If you have the least bit of "want", then it may be a good idea for you to go.
posted by Sonic_Molson at 9:06 PM on May 3, 2005

It never occurred to me to go either. I spent the evening with a bunch of friends (~10 I guess), saw "Little Shop of Horrors" (the original run of the play), and a few hours later saw Rocky Horror in the theater. No regrets.

Graduation does have some sense of closure; mainly, though, I expect that your family will force you into it. It wasn't until grad school that I was finally able to stop going to my graduations. (And not without a battle.)
posted by Aknaton at 9:06 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go, and while I don't regret it, exactly, I sort of wish I had. Mind you, prom at my school was basically just a dance, not particularily special or expensive. The thing I regret most, actually was missing the after party. I was a boring dork in high school and I convinced myself I didn't want to go to the stupid prom or the stupid party, which reinforced my boring dorkness. I guess I just think that if I had gone, I could spend the rest of my life looking back on the insipid losers who thought that sort of thing was a good time, instead of wondering if maybe it really was.

As for graduation, I did go to the ceremony, but had a separate dinner after for my family, rather than attending the dinner and dance thrown by the school. In my family, graduations are huge. People fly in from around the country to attend. They're not quite wedding like, but I had 12 guests at my graduation, some from as much as 1800 miles away. I'd have not only regretted not going if I hadn't, several aunts would have kicked my ass.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:08 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go. I didn't ask the cute guy in my school for a date (too shy) I didn't go to the party, and I wonder now - what if I had gone?

No regrets, but sometimes I do wonder.

The prom is a celebration of a closing of one chapter in one's life, and the opening of another. A celebration with good friends, good food, dressing up. I wish I had gone out.

I make it a point to celebrate more, nowadays. I went to the grad of my MBA class, a year and a half ago; and I did have a small grad ceremony years ago when I got my BA.

I just wish I had that wisdom back when I graduated from high-school, because that was the very first grad that I had.
posted by seawallrunner at 9:13 PM on May 3, 2005

I'm going to prom, and I'm planning on having a lot of fun.

I'm not doing it as a rite of passage, to get drunk, or to get laid. In fact I'm not even drinking or planning on getting laid.

I'm just doing it because a majority of my friends are going and hey, I'm graduating in a month and then I will rarely see them after that, so I figure the time is well worth it.
posted by petah at 9:15 PM on May 3, 2005

For me, both prom and graduation really came down to the friends I had. We didn't take any of these events too seriously - it was really just another opportunity for all of us to hang out together. Graduation was also for the parents - we knew we had earned it but the parental units wanted to see us walk across the stage and take pictures :P
posted by junesix at 9:16 PM on May 3, 2005

I went, and spent the whole time standing in line for pictures.

But afterward I spent the night at my date's place, so it was an excellent night all told.
posted by orthogonality at 9:18 PM on May 3, 2005

Prom: if you don't care, you don't care, and it would be silly to go if you don't care and if money is at all in question. 20 years down the road, it will be important to some people that they went, and it will be important to other people that they decided not to go, and for most people it won't make a lick of difference.

Graduation ceremony: Go. This sort of thing is for parents, grandparents, and probably at least a few teachers who will miss you. It will make them happy if you go*, so go.

*Unless it won't; you know your family better than I do. But most parents, it will.

The regrets people mention in that other thread are about not asking out the little red-haired girl, not about prom.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:25 PM on May 3, 2005

It wouldn't kill ya to go. I figured most of the people who would chime in on this one would be the "I didn't go" crowd... and that's fine. But you never know, it could be fun... and as silly as it may be (and usually is), it's a tradition, a ceremony of sorts, an event that's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (almost). You may find that it rounds out your entire high school experience. I'm not saying GO GO GO. But I don't think you should just blow it off willy-nilly either. I imagine that if you do feel regret someday down the road, it would be worse to regret NOT going than it would be to regret going. Just look at it for what it is and take it at that and have fun. Don't drink and drive. Wear comfortable shoes and you'll be fine. I vote go.
posted by Witty at 9:26 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go, and I probably regretted it at the time. However, like others, the things I was doing and the things I regretted then (now 8-9 years ago) have so little bearing on me now, it doesn't matter. In fact, I have a hard time imagining any circumstances under which a choice made then about the prom would have caused anything more than very short term regret. What life-changing experiences I have had, the ones that have really mattered so far, weren't scripted by my high school government, or by anyone for that matter. They came unplanned out of nowhere, and weren't apparent until long afterwards.
posted by advil at 9:27 PM on May 3, 2005

I spent my prom keeping a friend and his date from killing each other. I then spent the after-prom keeping him from beating himself up for being a dick to his date. Didn't do much for me, BUT looking back at the pictures is good for a laugh (red paisley cummerbund? wtf was I thinking?)

As for graduation, what ROU_X said. I wasn't going to go to my law school graduation, but my sister guilted me into it by reminding me that I have a 90-year-old grandmother and a 12-year-old niece who would very much like to see me graduate. It's about your family and friends, not about you (several married friends of mine said the same thing about their weddings, but I think they're just being cynical).
posted by socratic at 9:29 PM on May 3, 2005

I’ve been to five proms - twice as a junior, twice as a senior and once when I was 21. All of them were enjoyable experiences and I have some great memories. The mitigating factors that made it worthwhile for me: I like getting dressed up, I love to dance and each time I was seriously dating someone. If you’ve got friends that are going it might be a fun event.
posted by Tenuki at 9:30 PM on May 3, 2005

Graduation: skipped high school, about to skip my third university graduation. I love my school but have felt no attachment to the particular class that I graduate with - certainly not enough to spend a hot day outside with all 1,000 odd people graduating in any spring term.

That said, especially for university, it's more for your parents, and they may really appreciate seeing it after their 20-100K contribution. Or, skip the ceremony, do the mingling and school parties with family, and friend parties too.
posted by whatzit at 9:32 PM on May 3, 2005

If you're male (not that you couldn't do the asking as a female, but...) you just may really make some girl's whole year by saying, "will you be my date for the prom?" Your job from there is easy--rent a tux, shower up, pick up the corsage, be on time, put on your best manners, tell her how beautiful she is, smile nice for the pictures her parents take, escort her with grace, and live a little.

But for her... wow! She may have been dreaming of this night for years. Who knows? Picking out the dress and all that. I can only imagine. It could be quite the thing for her. And it might not happen at all unless you're the one who asks her. So...
posted by Witty at 9:38 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go, never regretted it either. I didn't have friends in school and really saw no reason to go, my adult friends said, "go but to do it anti-establishment style" meh ... I was really out there in the way I dressed and how I had my hair and the idea of going to prom, to sit there with a bunch of kids who didn't talk to me wasn't appealing in the slightest. I'm not sure what I did do that night but whatever I did was a heck of a lot more fun than being a freaky looking wallflower waiting for the night to end - heh.

That being said if you want to go, go. I might have gone if I had school friends but since I didn't ... If you don't want to go that's ok too. It didn't seem like a pivotal moment in my life so I didn't sweat it.

College was a whole different story, I went to pub nights, dances, gallery showings and other social events but I also lurved college big time.
posted by squeak at 9:44 PM on May 3, 2005

The best parts of my grad dance (our version of prom) were my dress and my corsage (a cluster of little rosebuds, so nice). The rest, meh. I didn't really go to dances - I think I went to one in all of high school, but it was the last big night thing. My boyfriend came, we rented a limo, there was angst about organizing tables, etc. Could I have skipped it? Yeah, probably. My back-up date was my gay friend, so I probably would have gone for his sake.

Go if your friends are going. Don't build it up.
It's really really not the "biggest night of your life." It's just a night out, and if you treat as such, you surely won't regret having gone.

(I'm not much of a person for formals and the like. I like dressing up, but I'm not big on bad food and worse music.)

I think the "you'll regret it" posts were about not asking out the girl. But if it's about a girl, the prom is not necessarily the best occasion for a first date anyway. (I've seen it get pretty awkward. A friend of mine went with this shy guy who asked her, and then she realized he didn't want to actually have fun and he was totally overwhelmed by her friends (us) (and wound up nowhere near his friends) and he wound up going home early, which must have been really rough for him).

Graduation, the ceremony, is boring (my graduating class had HUNDREDS of people, it took hours for everyone to walk across the stage), but it's really not for you, it's for your parents/family. At least that's how I see it.

On preview: Witty: Uuuh, that's kind of condescending. Girls, as a gender, not necessarily that shallow.
posted by SoftRain at 9:48 PM on May 3, 2005

I did jr and sr prom and regret that.

Just my $.02.

Homecoming? Ditto. Unless you crash it drunk with a buncha friends. I think I did that once.
posted by Shane at 9:54 PM on May 3, 2005

Will your life be markedly different if you don't go to prom? Only if you really really want to go, and for some reason, choose not to. Shoot, looking back now, I had the chance to go with a superhot female, and didn't. I'm not kicking myself over it, because meh, to me it was just a dance.

It's a rite of passage for some people, and it's not for others. Not everyone has the same high-school experience. Go if you want to, but don't go just because someone else wants to.

[/but what about prom Blaine]
posted by 23skidoo at 9:55 PM on May 3, 2005

My mother was upset that I didn't do graduation (actually I sat in the audience), but my father was sympathetic. About the diploma, he said "If you're a good yellow dog, they give you a nice yellow dog collar".
posted by 445supermag at 10:10 PM on May 3, 2005

My prom experience was a little weird: my best friend in high school was a girl one year younger than me, so we went to each other's junior and senior proms (Yes, that's 4 proms total). It was cool because at the time, there was no sexual tension between us and we were able to just dress up, go have a nice fancy meal, and have a good time making fun of all of the losers we went to high school with.

And of course we ended up dating for a few years after high school and spectacularly crashing and burning, so hey.

...yeah, I don't really have an ending for that. Except to say that if you can swing going with a friend and can manage to have a sense of humor about the whole thing, you'll probably have a good time.
posted by toddshot at 10:11 PM on May 3, 2005

SoftRain - Don't be ridiculous. I didn't say ALL girls. I said "her". I also said, very clearly, that it was perfectly acceptable for the girl to ask the guy. I should have expected some tired (invalid) PC bullshit out of someone. I guess you're the winner.
posted by Witty at 10:12 PM on May 3, 2005

1986: never went, never regretted it in the least. I was never into the social scene, and only a year later I had mostly forgotten about all the people I went to school with. I made some friends, of course, that stuck around for a few years afterward, but the prom was irrelevant and I have no idea if they went.
posted by rolypolyman at 10:15 PM on May 3, 2005

As one of those whose comments might have prompted your question, I would suggest go, but don't spend money on it - it sounds like you're interested in hedging your bets, and attending without blowing the bank seems a good hedge :)

I went to my junior dance, but not the senior prom as I was going through an extended overly self-conscious phase then. (I think that would be the American equivalents - I'm translating from a different education system). I mildly regret not going to the prom, but regret it a lot less now that I took up competitive ballroom and latin dance, and have now danced at more than my fair share of balls and events. Who knows, maybe I got into it subconsciously compensating for a lost prom? :-)
Moral of the story: Go to the prom lest you end up a dancer :-)

Seriously though, life is (at least partly) about experiences. A prom will add more to your sum experience than sitting at home will. You can sit at home any day of your life, while your prom is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. As a rule of thumb, don't let once-in-a-life things pass you by, even if they suck. A wide range of experience is what makes for an interesting, educated, and capable person.

As far as being ready without spending money goes, there are lots of options. Fore example, my sister and her date went to a theatrical costume hire place instead of a suit hire or tailor, and got lovely extravagant 17th century period ballroom outfits (if you're a guy, think: Interview with the Vampire. If you're a girl, you'll already know what I mean). I thought that looked better than the usual attire, and it didn't cost much.
posted by -harlequin- at 10:18 PM on May 3, 2005

I skipped my prom. A friend and I went to see the God Bullies with some chicks instead. Dude lit a Bible on fire in mid-song and put it out on his chest. Sweet! Uh, what was the question?
posted by sad_otter at 10:20 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go. I sort of regret missing it in a "huh, maybe it would have been interesting..." way. I feel worse about turning down the girl who asked me than about missing the event. By all reports, it would have been a chance to hang out with the same friends I would have hung out with any other weekend, but all dressed up.

I ended up spending the evening with the guy who asked me, watching the last game of the Rangers/Devils playoffs on TV (Which I hear half of the prom was doing anyway, since the Rangers were our home team. They ended up winning the Stanley Cup that year.) and going to see a movie.

If I had it to do over again and the same girl asked me, I'd go with her.
posted by aneel at 10:26 PM on May 3, 2005

I went to Senior prom twice, once as a Freshman, once as a Senior. Both times the situation and I felt completely fake. Given the chance, I wouldn't do it again. The only lasting memory I have is camping on the Appalachian Trail that night, getting hiccups that wouldn't go away, pounding my chest repeatedly in desperation, and suffering stabbing chest pains the next day. I hate prom.

But then, I hated most of high school as well. I'm one of those folks for whom life didn't really start being worth living until college.
posted by bibliowench at 10:26 PM on May 3, 2005

To chime in, I didn't go to prom and I don't regret it. It was at the Nixon Library for chrissakes. It was with the boys' school and they were all tools. Whatever. As someone said above, it is one of those things that social people think is universal but really isn't.

Graduation I did both times (and Jeebus were they both long). College was a big deal to my family, as I was the first one to go Ivy. High school was very small (fifty) and everyone went. We wore floor-length white dresses and carried big bouquets and were nauseating and I had a good time. However, that's because I watched my classmates grow up, and even if I didn't like them all, they were kinda like family. If it's a big public school, I don't think it matters.
posted by dame at 10:28 PM on May 3, 2005

Substituting graduation for prom...
I went to the graduation ceremony (university, we didn't have highschool graduation), but not the ball.

The grad ceremony was sucky, but it meant something to my parents, and that alone justified it (which isn't to say I didn't whine and moan to them :-)

In hindsight years later, I hate the photos (they turned out really badly), but I'm glad I went, and I should have gone to the ball also. Even if I hated every minute of being at ball, and left early, I think I would be better off for at least having gone.

When I reflect on these things, I feel very strongly that it is better to go and have a bad time than to not go at all. Life is too short and too ordinary to snub the things that are outside of an ordinary day.

And of course, chances are you'll actually have a good time... :-)
posted by -harlequin- at 10:33 PM on May 3, 2005

I should have expected some tired (invalid) PC bullshit out of someone.

I think Softrain's complaint was about the implicit (but entirely present) suggestion in your earlier post that high school girls typically rest tremendous amounts of happiness and/or self esteem on whether some guy asks them to a prom, whereas for the guy it's just some mildly (un)important thing to go to. Which is pretty condescending, actually.
posted by advil at 10:42 PM on May 3, 2005

I was less than enthusiastic about going to my senior prom. I figured, "why the hell not?" I showed up in sneakers and a sport coat with an equally under-dressed date. We hung out for a short while, smiled for some snapshots, ate the food, and then went home. We were there for maybe 45 minutes.
If I can remember correctly, I think that I was primarily trying to avoid having to explain why I didn't go. I just didn't want to have to hear about it.
Attending HS graduation, on the other hand, is really a MUST. I walked out of that ceremony with my diploma and sat on the curb, starting at it, thinking, "My God. I can't believe that it's finally over." The feeling of relief and satisfaction after those four long years is really worth attending the graduation.

On the other hand, I'm 15 days away from graduating college (but who's counting, eh?). I've done so much work at this point that I feel almost too worn out to attend the ceremony. On top of that, I'm going to be sitting through another long ceremony to receive some award. That's a lot of boredom for one week. I've got enough other things to deal with that I'd really prefer that they just mail me my diploma. However, I suspect that the feeling of relief and accomplishment will surpass that of the high-school graduation. Also, my parents (while they won't be too keen on sitting through some excruciating ceremony) would be really happy to see me formally graduate.
posted by Jon-o at 10:45 PM on May 3, 2005

I went to prom, but I don't think I'd regret if it I hadn't gone. My "date" was just a male friend, and he actually had two dates, since another friend of ours couldn't find a guy to go with and didn't want to go alone. My grandparents, who I was living with at the time, were quite surprised when my date showed up and there was already another girl in the car.

What I got out of it? It was the fanciest I'd ever dressed up at that point, and as a not usually very girly girl I really enjoyed shopping for the dress, getting my hair done, and wearing lots of makeup. The prom itself was actually quite dull. Spending the rest of the night crashing in a good friends' basement with about a half dozen of our closest pals was a great time, though.

Graduation, though, I'm really glad I went to that. I was kind of invisible in high school and had only a small number of friends out of the 420 folks in my graduating class. But I decided to be visible at my graduation. I wore a short, short go-go style dress and really tall white boots under the mandatory robe, and wrote "FREE" on my cap. When I accepted the diploma, I did a big kick in the air with my boots for all to see. It felt pretty special and daring to me at the time, and I still love looking back on those pictures. It was made all the more exciting by the fact that I wasn't sure if I'd passed my AP lit class (and therefore earned an actual diploma) until my name was called.

I pretty much hated high school, and graduation was kind of a "fuck you, high school, I never have to deal with you again" ceremony.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 10:52 PM on May 3, 2005

advil - SOME high school girls do... SOME high school guys don't. I simply painted a simple scenario that isn't all that unbelievable. Prom is often much more important to girls than it is for guys, for whatever reasons. There may be some girl that really wants to go, but won't, unless someone asks her. That's all. "He" may find a tad of extra incentive or satisfaction in setting aside his own apathy for the event in order to give someone else the opportunity to go when they might not otherwise have that chance. "Kevin" might not care either way. But if he knows "Carol" really really wants to go and doesn't have a date yet, then ask her. I didn't intend on being condescending and would appreciate a little benefit of the doubt here.
posted by Witty at 11:11 PM on May 3, 2005

Go if your friends are going. It's not going to be as awesome as you think it's going to be, but you'll still have fun.

And don't organize the sneaky hotel room after party, cuz you'll be too worried to enjoy it. Just go to someone else's.
posted by sid at 11:23 PM on May 3, 2005

I went to prom and enjoyed it. My "date" (we went as friends) is still one of my best friends six years later and we still laugh about it. I wore my orchestra uniform to save money and didn't do any of that limo crap. If you don't have a tux, you might try borrowing one from a friend in the orchestra, although make sure you DO wear a black cummerbund and bow tie instead of the school colors if that's how your school's uniforms work (ours were black).

If you're wondering whether you might want to go, then you might regret not going. If you really don't think you'll enjoy it, then don't go. But some people just hang out with their friends the whole time and don't even dance, which is just fine.

Stop picking on Witty!
posted by grouse at 11:34 PM on May 3, 2005

I didn't go to prom. Didn't care. Don't regret it at all. (Hey, I just wanted to get out of high school as fast as possible.) Maybe if I'd had a close group of friends to go with I would have gone, for shits and giggles, but no reason to bother with it otherwise.

I didn't plan on going to my high school graduation, but my parents wanted me to, so after bitching that *really* I'd rather just get my diploma in the mail, I went. It was long, and boring, and lame, and the robe I had to wear was a particularly unflattering shade of dog-piss yellow. My parents got to take some pictures. I wouldn't have regretted missing it at all.

I didn't go to my college graduation. My school was so big I didn't feel any kind of class bond or whatever. I was spending my last term in Spain and wanted to extend my time there, and my parents didn't argue with that, though they probably would have liked the photo-op and ceremonial thing. No regrets; it was meaningless to me.
posted by Melinika at 12:32 AM on May 4, 2005

Ahhh... the eternal prom question. Yes, I went to my senior prom, my date's senior prom, my junior prom, and my school's senior prom as a sophomore. I also was at most of the homecoming dances, vice versa's, so on and so forth. But the only reason I went was because my friends wanted to go. Since I was at the dances with them I enjoy every one and don't regret a thing.

However, the one dance I've been to in college sucked. The difference being that I only knew one or two people at the whole event. Same with some of the parties I've been at. For me, the difference between having a blast and being miserable is whether my friends are there or not.

So if a group of your good, close friends are going then I'd recommend going too. Otherwise you're just going to end up sitting at home while everyone else is out having a good time without you. I wouldn't expect too much out of the night though; despite all the pomp and circumstance associated with prom it is really just a large group of high school students being silly together one last time.

Graduation is a different matter. My highschool graduation was mandatory, so obviously I went. I wouldn't have gone to my college graduation, but my mom and dad were so excited. So I went and enjoyed myself. I'll probably go to my masters graduation just because it means a little more to me than my undergrad did, but that's a year or so in the future.

Finally, I'd like to point out that how you perceive these events depends largely on your outlook going into them. If you're not going to have a positive outlook then I'd suggest staying home and not bringing everyone else down too. That's not to say that going with a positive attitude will make everything great, it might not, but at least you haven't tainted things from the get go.
posted by sbutler at 1:10 AM on May 4, 2005

I didn't go to the prom or graduation. By what would have been my senior year I had dropped out of high school. I subsequently got a GED and a B.A. from a four year college, so no worries about the dropping out, as that all worked out nicely. I should have done what Frank Zappa did, which was let his kids take the GED exam as soon as they were old enough which was 16. Anyway, yes, slight regrets at not attending graduation. No regrets at not attending the prom. Biggest regret is not attending my 25th high school reunion - held last year - since I wasn't a grad and therefore wasn't on the official distribution list for mail/email updates.
posted by fixedgear at 2:09 AM on May 4, 2005

In my own case, if I hadn't gone to the prom, I would have had a total of ZERO dates in high school. But that's just me. I asked my son, who just went to his prom a couple weeks ago, and he said it was worth it. He and a few friends went in a limo paid for by their wonderful parents and had a grand time. And he's not one to usually appreciate the traditional social graces.
posted by Doohickie at 6:01 PM on May 4, 2005

I didn't go to my prom, junior or senior, and I don't regret it at all. (And just to pre-empt the wiseasses, I was a pimply fuck-up loser in high school and wouldn't have been able to get a date anyway, although a special ed girl asked me to prom because a freind of mine put her up to it.) I spent my junior prom night eating chinese food in a graveyard in Vermont and I enjoyed it immensley. The prom, like awards ceremonies and night clubs in really just an excuse for the beautiful people to get together and fellate eachother. And that continues throughout life, no matter what subculture you might find yourself in, the social heirarchy (indeed the very idea of social heirarchy) endures. My advice is to turn your back on the whole mess. We used to write "bomb the prom!" on the boys room stall doors, my boys and I.

If you must go to a festive event, I recommend a Freaker's Ball, although I imagine even there there's still the conformity and popularity bullshit.
posted by jonmc at 6:04 PM on May 4, 2005

I regret being too much of a dork to have actually had a girlfriend in high school. Think Napoleon Dynamite, without the fashion sense.

But I don't regret not going to prom. But then again, I don't know what I missed.

I have many regrets from my single days, most of them involved with handling relationships poorly, but prom is not one of them. If you had cool people to go with it probably wouldn't suck too much.
posted by mecran01 at 6:05 PM on May 4, 2005

I didn't go; I didn't have friends to go with let alone a boyfriend. However, I just wanted out of school and wanted nothing to do with it in any way, shape or form. I don't regret it a bit.
posted by deborah at 6:23 PM on May 4, 2005

I skipped prom, and (if memory serves) commencement, and I never regretted it. Yes, by the way, you read that right: I don't even remember whether I attended my high school graduation.
posted by caitlinb at 7:19 PM on May 4, 2005

I went, more than once. Big deal. It was nice and I am glad I went rather than staying home. However, I did not have a steady girlfriend at the time and went with girls I liked but that was about it. They probably felt the same way about me. I had no illusions about romance or whatever. We had fun, we were at the "big event" but that was all.

If you have the chance and inclination, I would go. Do you miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime if you do not go? NO! Your certainly do not. Five years later I could have cared less, and that attitude was shared by most I knew (except perhaps the glory days crowd). Twenty years later it is hard to remember who my date was.
posted by caddis at 7:21 PM on May 4, 2005

I did attend high school grauation. Mainly due to parental pressure and becuase due to the fact that during an argument with my ex-marine gym teacher, I had flipped him off, then kicked out a plate glass window. I had straightened it out with the principal, agreeing to pay for it, but I wasn't going to rest easy until I had that diploma in my hand. My class was roughly 550 students, so we just got empty holders up onthe podium.* We didn't get the real thing until I returned to our homerooms. We filed in by homerooms, too. My homeroom had a heavy stoner delinquent contingent. We passed around a single Marlboro between 5 guys as we marched onto the football field for the ceremonies. The class valedictorian was a chick I had a crush on so that was cool.**

*we just handed the principal index cards with our name on it. This Indian kid with an unpronouncable name had the guy stammering, the kid just looked at him like "whatever, dude, just gimme my damn diploma."

**She's a PH. D. now. I have a fatal bent for smart chicks.
posted by jonmc at 7:28 PM on May 4, 2005

I regret going. I went because it seemed important. See that other thread for details of the asking, which was more important than the going.

Prom might be a big deal if you are active in the school. If you are not, why worry about it?

A few years ago, I went to a ten year high school reunion. Let me summarize - most of the 'cool' people were living in the past, and the rest were too busy to show up. I went as a favor to an old friend, that came in from out of town.
posted by bh at 7:33 PM on May 4, 2005

I went to prom three times, twice with an SO that was a year older, and once by myself (with my boys actually, but you know what I mean.) I had a great time, and to tell the truth, my senior prom is one of the few memories from high school i've held on to (so far.) I went to a small rural school, with a graduating class of around 175, so we all knew each other (makes or breaks it.)
posted by schyler523 at 8:36 PM on May 4, 2005

Go, dammit! Why would you close yourself to something? The people who didn't go *of course* don't regret it because they have no idea what they missed. I'm not being snarky, i'm just stating the obvious.

Anyway, I went to half a dozen proms at various friends' schools. But I also went to mine and then did the requisite pre-party, and then the beach house after-party. It was awesome. I would have definitely regretted NOT going.

Honestly, I don't have much memory of the actual prom, but i do remember that it was so much fun to go with my friends to shop for a dress and to go to the spa and salon. It really is a once in a lifetime event. You will never have another senior prom in your life, unless you're one of those time travellers. Go...or dwell on what you missed (for better or worse) for the remainder of your years.
posted by naxosaxur at 8:44 PM on May 4, 2005

Prom, meh. The GF really wanted to go; I was indifferent.

I mostly remember spending lots of money and getting barbecue sauce on my tuxedo.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 9:17 PM on May 4, 2005

Go, dammit! Why would you close yourself to something? ...
also went to mine and then did the requisite pre-party, and then the beach house after-party.

This suggests a reasonable rule of thumb to me: do something out of the ordinary that night. If you're too disorganized to plan some fun alternate group activity, then you may as well try the prom.
posted by Aknaton at 9:47 PM on May 4, 2005

I was unpopular. The standard appeal of prom was lost on me, but I felt like I should at least go once.

So I went dressed as Alex from A Clockwork Orange. My date wore black vinyl. It was fun, but only because we made it fun. Otherwise, it would've just been another stupid dance.
posted by squidlarkin at 10:35 PM on May 4, 2005

Went to my senior prom. I enjoyed it, but it wouldn't have really made a difference in my life if I haven't gone. If you don't otherwise feel like going, don't go just because TV and movies give you the impression it's some coming-of-age thing which all teens have to experience.

The "if you don't do this you'll regret it for the rest of your life" posts

I was a bit peeved with a number of the "If there's something you want to do, you will regret not doing it more than any consequences of doing it" type responses in that thread. (Not to single out TheOnlyCoolTim, whom I'm quoting, as several people expressed more or less the same thing; TOCT just did it succinctly.) I decided not to get into the argument in that thread because I agreed with the outcome of that principle in that particular instance, but I think it sucks as a general principle to live by. Frankly, a lot of people in that thread are overestimating the effect of regret. People live with regrets all the time. It's not a cripllingly devastating feeling.

I don't think you'll regret not going to the prom. But even if you do regret it, you'll get through it--probably even over it, though I can't make that guarantee--and have a perfectly happy life anyway.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:35 PM on May 4, 2005

I don't even remember which dance was which anymore (and it hasn't really been that long) but I had fun at a couple of them where I went casually with a group of friends. We were dressed up, but not neccessarily paired up. We got some puzzled looks at Benihana one time when we all strolled in, every guy with a girl on each arm. Those were fun nights - no pressure - just a rolling party.

On the other hand, a couple of times I went reluctantly with some tangential friends because someone had set me up with a girl they knew. Ugh, the awkwardness. I went because I figured I should have the experience ("you'll regret it the rest of your life...") Do I regret it? I dunno - in a way I wish I didn't have the uncomfortable memories, but on the other hand at least I gained the wisdom to tell you-- ok, well, nothing of much value. Sorry.

Well, let me try again. Do something that will be fun and memorable for you that night. If the tux/limo/date vision isn't working for you, modify it. Or subvert it. Recruit a special friend. Or several. But somehow, do have an experience, to recall later when the converation turns to prom night. (Then go out the next weekend and do something else memorable. And the next. Squeeze every last drop of out of your youth before you leave it behind.)
posted by Tubes at 1:04 AM on May 5, 2005

I went to two senior proms--my own, and somebody else's. I was so nervous at my prom (because it had been hyped up to be such a huge thing) that I didn't really enjoy it. The second prom I went to I was much more relaxed, and had a much better time. In either case, I don't think my life would have been substantially different had I not gone.

That said, I think most of the responses in the earlier thread weren't "If you don't go to the prom, you will always regret it"; they were along the lines of "If you are really attracted to this girl and you don't ask her out, you will always regret it." The prom came up only because it was the specific date that the asker was wondering about.
posted by yankeefog at 6:39 AM on May 5, 2005

I went to my winter formal with a girl I liked and had no fun.

I skipped my prom to go rollerskating with some underclassmen friends and had a much better time than I would have at any prom.

I came back from college the following winter and went with a friend to her winter formal because her date bailed and she really wanted to go. While more pleasant than my winter formal, I would have rather been rollerskating.

And I don't even really like rollerskating. The many, many others who have commented are right, proms are just a expensive dances. If you enjoy your other school outings, or are worried if people will think differently of you if you don't go (though, you shouldn't worry about crap like this), then go. If not, get some friends together and do something else fun and out of the ordinary.
posted by ThePants at 11:32 AM on May 5, 2005

When I was 14 and got asked to the senior prom, it was exciting and a big deal (even though it was actually quite boring and the company was tame). When I was 16 and going to my own junior prom (it was a combined junior/senior prom), it was more like, "well I went to one already, but this time I'm older and I can really enjoy it with my friends, instead of hardly knowing anyone but my date." It was still boring, but I did have fun with my friends. I had a chance to go to my then-b/f's senior prom the following year, but we agreed it would be too boring to warrant spending the money on it, so we didn't go.
posted by cass at 9:40 AM on May 6, 2005