March 11, 2011 7:44 PM Subscribe
I found out I was pregnant last week. My ex just told me he won't be coming with me to the clinic. I feel alone, weak and sad. Please give me some guidance.
posted by taiscape to human relations (152 answers total) 69 users marked this as a favorite
I am a college student, early twenties. I found out I was pregnant last week. And before any mefites ask, yes, I am in therapy but it is not helpful at all.
Last week I found out I was pregnant, due to my ex. He and I discussed it and he helped me research options. The same day that I told him, he said he would help pay for half of the abortion and accompany me to the clinic (a 4 - 5 hour ordeal). There is no chance of us getting back together, but having his support meant a lot to me. This was last week.
Today, he left me a voicemail saying that he won't be taking me to the clinic anymore (appointment is next Saturday) because he forgot that he is busy that day. The nearby clinic has had some bad reviews and I'm very scared about the procedure and being pregnant. It upsets me that he won't be coming with me. Also, he made no mention of helping to pay for the procedure and I am worried that if he doesn't come with me he never will. He isn't returning any of my calls.
I still have feelings for him and this is not the first time he's skipped out on me. He has no feelings for me and has no desire to be in a relationship with me, as he's told me several times. I want to use this situation to really push myself to realize that I need to stop contacting this guy, that he really does not care about me and I need to get over him and push him out of my life.
But because I feel so dependent on him and I don't feel very strong, I am very affected by this. I'm worried I'll fall into bad habits and get attached to him even after this pregnancy. I'm afraid that even though I know now that him skipping out on taking me to the clinic (I have no car, I will have to take 2-3 buses to get there) is an asshole move, that I'll write it off later and forgive him for it because I'll feel the need to want to be with him/talk to him.
I feel very messed up about the pregnancy and my attachment (has lasted, unreciprocated except for the sex, for over a year) to a guy who doesn't care about me. I know this is unhealthy and so I began seeing a therapist even before I found out I was pregnant. The therapist is very unhelpful. I have told her that I do not respond well by just talking about my feelings. I need people to tell me anecdotes, talk to me directly about things I should try, reasons why the way I am thinking is unhealthy, etc. Basically, take a more active role. I will probably stop seeing her soon but to get to another therapist would take weeks of waiting.
I don't have many friends and of the three I have told, none of them offer me advice that resonates with me. But it is good to have told them so that I don't feel so alone. One of my friends has offered to accompany me to the clinic next Saturday. I guess what I'm looking for is the advice of mefites. I really value the wisdom, stories, and advice given on this board.
This last bit might sound silly but if any of you have watched the latest episode of Glee, I feel like what I really need is someone like Kurt's father (I never had anyone who really believed in me) to tell me to be strong, that I matter and that I need to keep moving. But most importantly, while I'm feeling the most down, I feel like I just need people to tell me what I need to do and share their stories so that I'll actually begin to believe that I can be strong and move forward.