Why does everyone think I'm gay?
January 19, 2011 7:15 AM Subscribe
20-something straight male, minimal relationship success because I think people think I'm gay...strange situation...advice much appreciated!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (45 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
What's going on with my personal life?
I'm a recent college grad and since I was in high school, I've gone from one serious relationship to the next--probably three major relationships in total. The last of which lasted 2-3 years and ended in a sudden, unforeseen breakup--she broke up with me.
Ever since I can remember people jokingly have called me 'gay' (I should note that there's nothing wrong with being gay, and I'm not trying to fuel the stereotype). I have some of my personal quirks, but nothing overtly 'gay'. Most of the time, it was people joking about my new v-neck tshirt, doing something feminine, or just being affectionate and silly. I always just dismissed the jokes (because that's what they were) as funny teasing and it never bothered me, especially because I always had a girlfriend. In fact, sometimes I may have played it up a little bit to just goof around--after all, I was secure in my sexuality.
I think I come off as goofy and friendly, but I'm not sure that's the case anymore…
Fast forward to the past six months…I've started online dating and have probably gone on 15 dates with people I thought I was compatible with. In fact, I think I'm pretty particular about going on dates--I'm saying this to point out that I wasn't just going on dates with any girl who I got in touch with. Literally, there were only two 'second dates'. None of the dates went horribly wrong and we had a perfectly good time on each occasion. The two second dates went ok, but subsequent follow-up on my part (a day or two later) just led to 'rather be friends'. The other 13 or so never made it to second date stage, despite my casual follow up ('had a great time last night…if you're interested in seeing each other again, would you wanna do something friday?').
So, what's going on here? I realize I haven't gone on THAT many dates, but there's this pervasive thought in the back of my mind that maybe I AM gay…I know that sounds stupid and I've never really thought about it before.
Have any women here ever gone on a date with a guy they thought was gay? Why would people potentially think this (I mean, wouldn't I be going on dates with GUYS?)? How did you handle it?
I think my personality makes people think this. I have a habit of laughing as a verbal response to things, probably unrelated? Physically, I'm athletic and have no other unusual features. I dress on the casual-nice side when on dates (jeans, button down, loafers)--nothing particularly unusual…
Have any of the guys on MeFi experienced this? I'm not as frustrated as I may sound about the failed dates--but, seriously, no follow up from the majority? And yes it's a little blow to my ego ;o)
Oh, I just remembered this! Perfect example--went on one of my first dates after meeting someone online and was pretty nervous. After we chatted for a while over lunch, I somehow jokingly said 'people always think I'm gay…it's kinda weird'…the response, 'oh yeah, i thought that at first…'. In the moment, I just laughed it off because she KNEW I wasn't gay, right? Well, probably not.
Should I be totally upfront about not being gay? Such a weird thing to do...
I realize I'm kind of just bitching and complaining, but writing out some of these thoughts is also helpful for me! Any insight or opinions are welcome and I appreciate the feedback (in advance).