Take things slow? How do people do that?
January 12, 2011 9:23 AM Subscribe
Question about getting back together with an ex, and how to take things slow
posted by mesha steele to Human Relations (25 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
A quick review of my posting history will reveal that in November 2009, my boyfriend broke up with me. He immediately began dating someone knew (a fellow student in his grad program); I had a wee bit of a mental breakdown (untreated depression rearing its ugly head). Thanks to the good advice of Mefites, I broke off all contact with him in January 2010, and began a slow healing process. I got a cat, a new apartment, and began dating again, albeit unsuccessfully. With the help of a psychiatrist, I’ve been feeling a lot better, and I’ve been enjoying a lot of success in law school (in a tough legal market, I’ve landed my dream job for after graduation).
Fast forward to the past few weeks: I’d been checking my OkCupid profile, and noticed that my ex had been viewing my profile about once every week. With curiosity piqued (against my better judgment), I sent him a short jokey message. We started chatting for hours on end, which eventually culminated in him driving to my apartment in the middle of the night to apologize for hurting me. He said he realized he’d made a horrible mistake, and spent the past year regretting breaking up. He said he still loves me, and would like to try dating again (he is single again, by the way, as am I). I told him I still love him too, and would like to make things work.
We talked about the breakup and various other things, and agreed we should take things slow to start. The problem is, neither of us really has any experience at “taking things slow.” We both have a tendency to dive into relationships headfirst, with lots of together time right away. We agreed that spending all our free time together early on contributed to our original breakup.
So my question for the good people of AskMe is, how do we take things slow? Any ideas for how often we should see each other? Should we try to stick to traditional date outings as opposed to sliding back into just hanging out at each other’s apartments? Does anyone have any experience with reuniting with an ex, and working things out successfully?