Sweet Guy or Crazy Person?
October 22, 2010 2:07 PM Subscribe
I am currently dating an ex, and we've been back together for about a month now. Everything is going really well, except for the fact that I'm starting to get a little freaked out about his revelation that he thinks I'm his soul mate and that he never got over me from the last time around. Does this guy sound sweet and sincere or potentially unbalanced?
posted by mudlark to Human Relations (49 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
About six and a half years ago, I ended a year-and-a-half long relationship with a man who is 12 years older than me--I was 22 at the time, and he was 34. Overall, the relationship was a good one, but he wanted to start thinking about marriage and children (he was divorced at the time with a nine year old daughter) and I wasn't anywhere near ready. Also, I was a college student living at home and he owned a restaurant, so there was also a large disparity in our responsibility and maturity levels that made things difficult at times. I was pretty self-centered and insecure, and he was frustrated. I broke up with him and quickly began dating a fellow student, and my ex was very, very hurt by it.
We had been good friends before we started dating, and after the break-up, we remained in semi-contact; I would call him maybe once a year or two to catch up. He had a 3 year relationship, and I eventually got married and had a child. During this time, on a few occasions, he hinted at the fact that he was still not over our relationship. Honestly, it was really selfish and borderline cruel of me to keep calling him but I couldn't see that at the time. I just didn't want to let go of our friendship completely since we had been really good friends before we had dated.
Anyway, I am now divorced and I've been single for a year, and he is also single again (you know where this is going). Another friend of mine called me about three months ago and told me to look in our local paper because there was an article that mentioned me. It turned out to be an interview with my ex about the inspiration for the names of the menu items at his restaurant, and in the interview he mentions me by name as one of his inspirations and basically calls me his soul mate and says that he still thinks about me all of the time and wishes me the best in life. I was really shocked, and my first reaction was to think that it was a really crazy way of letting me know that he wants to get back together. After a couple of months went by, though, and I thought about it, it began to strike me as really sweet and meaningful. So, I called him.
I played dumb about the article, and suggested we meet up sometime. We have gone out three times now over the past month. We have had a really good time on every occasion, he has been a perfect gentleman, and we still have chemistry. But he has made it very clear to me that he still loves me after all of this time and that he never got over me. He says that he has thought of me almost every day these past 6+ years and that he often prays (shorthand here for communing with spiritual forces--he's Native American) for my happiness. He even told me that his three-year relationship was one long rebound from our relationship. He's not pressing me for an inappropriate level of intimacy or commitment (yet), but I'm beginning to wonder if this is a sign of emotional issues. I hate to be such a cynic, but (1) I'm not so savvy about interpersonal relationships (2) I have some commitment issues so I can't trust if my concern is valid or if I'm just scared as hell by a guy who might actually NOT be an asshole--in fact, I broke up with him before because his commitment level scared me to death, and (3) I don't know if me initially thinking that this was all sweet and romantic is only because I've been brainwashed by romantic comedies.
Please help. Does this sound like weird, stalkery, or desperate behavior or a nice guy holding a torch for a long lost love? Obviously, I am taking this whole thing very slowly and cautiously to see how it will play out but I'm wondering if I should run for the hills.