Nastiness to Taxi Driver
January 4, 2011 3:12 PM Subscribe
Any way to make it up to a taxi driver for acting horribly?
I got in a taxi at 4 am with my spouse to go to the airport. Me and my spouse had a horrible fight and were up all night and now had to catch a flight. A few minutes into the ride, the thought suddenly occurred to me that the driver might be taking a long way to the airport to cheat us. In a flash, this went from a possibility in my mind to rage at the driver. I cannot understand the way my mind was working that night. I said in a nasty tone of voice "why are you taking this way?" He seemed surprised, then tried to explain that the other way was longer. I didn't listen and in a nasty commanding voice said "let us out!" "open the trunk". We got out with our luggage. (A few minutes later we caught another cab, who took us to the airport using the same route the first driver wanted to use, which was obviously the closest way.)
I feel really ashamed and know that if someone had done to me what I did to him, it would be awful for me. I want to know if there's any chance of trying to make it up to to the driver. The taxi was waiting on a street corner by a hotel in the area I live, in a place where there are often one or two taxis sitting and waiting for fares. So I was thinking of trying to go to that same spot at the same time of night on the chance that it's his routine to be there, and if I find him trying to offer him money and an apology. Is this a good idea? I don't know if I would recognize him or how he would react. Is there anything else I can do?
I got in a taxi at 4 am with my spouse to go to the airport. Me and my spouse had a horrible fight and were up all night and now had to catch a flight. A few minutes into the ride, the thought suddenly occurred to me that the driver might be taking a long way to the airport to cheat us. In a flash, this went from a possibility in my mind to rage at the driver. I cannot understand the way my mind was working that night. I said in a nasty tone of voice "why are you taking this way?" He seemed surprised, then tried to explain that the other way was longer. I didn't listen and in a nasty commanding voice said "let us out!" "open the trunk". We got out with our luggage. (A few minutes later we caught another cab, who took us to the airport using the same route the first driver wanted to use, which was obviously the closest way.)
I feel really ashamed and know that if someone had done to me what I did to him, it would be awful for me. I want to know if there's any chance of trying to make it up to to the driver. The taxi was waiting on a street corner by a hotel in the area I live, in a place where there are often one or two taxis sitting and waiting for fares. So I was thinking of trying to go to that same spot at the same time of night on the chance that it's his routine to be there, and if I find him trying to offer him money and an apology. Is this a good idea? I don't know if I would recognize him or how he would react. Is there anything else I can do?
If you really want to get in touch with them, I would recommend finding out the name of the cab company. They should have a record of fares and can probably tell you who picked you up. Once you get that information, I would maybe send a nice card with an explanation and maybe a gift card to say sorry - but send it to the cab company addressed to that person.
posted by Leezie at 3:18 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Leezie at 3:18 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
It strikes me as one of those "light a candle" moments. The time and effort that it would take ot find him probably outweighs the good it will do either of you. It might be better spend contemplating that everyone, including yourself, can sometimes be part of the probblem. Try to do it less and to be more accepting when its done to you.
posted by rtimmel at 3:20 PM on January 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by rtimmel at 3:20 PM on January 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
If you just picked up a taxi off the street, chances are you won't see him again unless you spend way too much time hanging out on the street corner in question... ;-)
Best thing you can do is work on the karma principle and be super nice to taxi drivers you get in future...
Don't sweat it - you won't be the worst passenger he's ever had.
posted by finding.perdita at 3:26 PM on January 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Best thing you can do is work on the karma principle and be super nice to taxi drivers you get in future...
Don't sweat it - you won't be the worst passenger he's ever had.
posted by finding.perdita at 3:26 PM on January 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
If you can't figure out the name of the cab company, it might still be worth it to go back to the taxi stand- you could ask the hotel doorman, or other drivers who hang out there, if they know the guy you're looking for. I don't know if I'd hang out waiting for him, but you might be able to ask a couple of questions and get his number- it's worth a shot.
Seconding the thought that it would probably make his night to hear from you- and not to be crass, but it is a cash business, so if you wanted to slip him a token $5 or something, I'm sure he wouldn't be offended.
posted by hap_hazard at 3:41 PM on January 4, 2011
Seconding the thought that it would probably make his night to hear from you- and not to be crass, but it is a cash business, so if you wanted to slip him a token $5 or something, I'm sure he wouldn't be offended.
posted by hap_hazard at 3:41 PM on January 4, 2011
Don't just let this go. Call the cab company and say you've done something you regret and would like to apologize to the driver. Keep trying until you've done what you can.
posted by tel3path at 3:41 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by tel3path at 3:41 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you remember the cab company, cab drivers physical appearance and general area (and, perhaps, even the car he had), it might be worth returning to the area and asking other cab drivers about him - I find often there are social networks in play and with a little luck you should be able to find him. I too urge you to keep on trying until you've done what you can.
posted by gadha at 4:12 PM on January 4, 2011
posted by gadha at 4:12 PM on January 4, 2011
An apology and a small gift card for a coffee shop would make you a prince among men imo.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 4:49 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 4:49 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
The time and effort that it would take ot find him probably outweighs the good it will do either of you. It might be better spend contemplating that everyone, including yourself, can sometimes be part of the problem.
I disagree. That IS the problem. The problem isn't that people act like assholes sometimes. That's just going to happen. No one has perfect control.
The problem is that most people refuse to mop up after themselves when they realize they acted badly. They just let it go and try not to think about it. Meanwhile, someone else has hurt feelings.
I can tell you, I'd be so pleasantly moved if I was that driver and you apologized to me. It just might restore some of my dwindled faith in humanity -- especially if I knew you cared enough to go to some trouble.
I would first try to find him at the hotel. If that doesn't work, I would send a card to the company, describing what happened. From your description, they'll be able to figure out which driver it was.
Good for you for wanting to make things right!
posted by grumblebee at 5:00 PM on January 4, 2011 [30 favorites]
I disagree. That IS the problem. The problem isn't that people act like assholes sometimes. That's just going to happen. No one has perfect control.
The problem is that most people refuse to mop up after themselves when they realize they acted badly. They just let it go and try not to think about it. Meanwhile, someone else has hurt feelings.
I can tell you, I'd be so pleasantly moved if I was that driver and you apologized to me. It just might restore some of my dwindled faith in humanity -- especially if I knew you cared enough to go to some trouble.
I would first try to find him at the hotel. If that doesn't work, I would send a card to the company, describing what happened. From your description, they'll be able to figure out which driver it was.
Good for you for wanting to make things right!
posted by grumblebee at 5:00 PM on January 4, 2011 [30 favorites]
You don't say where this happened. Unless this was a pretty small town its not going to work. If it occurred in a city of any size at all, your plan is extremely unlikely to meet with success. Taxi shifts are pretty much happenstance, and the odds of this working are quite slim. You could go there evry night at the same time for a month and not happen to run into that driver. Asking other drivers is going to prove difficult for the same reasons. They won't know who happened to be on that stand that night, they might not even remember if they themselves were there.
Identifying the driver through the cab company without the number of the cab is going to be extremely difficult as well. A hotel flag to airport trip isn't going to ring any bells with whoever happens to take your call, chances are the dispatch staff there know nothing about this. Searching for your specific trip would be a logistic nightmare, no one has the time for that, it probably is not going to happen. If you are sure of the company, you might send a letter of apology to them and ask that it be posted in the driver break room, if they even have such a thing.
Your intention is good, the execution is extremely problematic here. Savvy users always note the company and the number of the taxi they take. This helps tremendously when your cell-phone falls out of your pocket into the back seat as you're dashing off late to a meeting.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 5:07 PM on January 4, 2011
Identifying the driver through the cab company without the number of the cab is going to be extremely difficult as well. A hotel flag to airport trip isn't going to ring any bells with whoever happens to take your call, chances are the dispatch staff there know nothing about this. Searching for your specific trip would be a logistic nightmare, no one has the time for that, it probably is not going to happen. If you are sure of the company, you might send a letter of apology to them and ask that it be posted in the driver break room, if they even have such a thing.
Your intention is good, the execution is extremely problematic here. Savvy users always note the company and the number of the taxi they take. This helps tremendously when your cell-phone falls out of your pocket into the back seat as you're dashing off late to a meeting.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 5:07 PM on January 4, 2011
Nthing go ahead and try and find him. You'll feel great, if you find him, he'll feel great too. I have almost never regretted going with my positive impulses, but (like you) I've sorely regretted going with my negative ones.
Being at that same cab stand might refresh your memory of his face, or other incidental details which might help you identify him. It's worth a shot.
posted by facetious at 5:43 PM on January 4, 2011
Being at that same cab stand might refresh your memory of his face, or other incidental details which might help you identify him. It's worth a shot.
posted by facetious at 5:43 PM on January 4, 2011
This is a truly poignant discussion, with several right answers. I've done this, or something comparable. So have many people.
No one knows your situation -- maybe you're a Rockefeller heir with 30 or 40 years of paid nothingness ahead of you. In that case, devoting a year or 10 to this project is viable.
Or you're a busy, busy, scrambling guy who just lost a job and the house note is overdue and your wife is 8.5 months and Shit, now the car won't start. And you should spend 15 hours a week at a cab stand? Come on.
But all things said, and given the chances against finding the guy -- I have to come down on the karma side. You were an ogre, but you're not defined by that. Pay it forward. Go forth and be kind.
posted by LonnieK at 6:15 PM on January 4, 2011
No one knows your situation -- maybe you're a Rockefeller heir with 30 or 40 years of paid nothingness ahead of you. In that case, devoting a year or 10 to this project is viable.
Or you're a busy, busy, scrambling guy who just lost a job and the house note is overdue and your wife is 8.5 months and Shit, now the car won't start. And you should spend 15 hours a week at a cab stand? Come on.
But all things said, and given the chances against finding the guy -- I have to come down on the karma side. You were an ogre, but you're not defined by that. Pay it forward. Go forth and be kind.
posted by LonnieK at 6:15 PM on January 4, 2011
I highly suspect the taxi driver has totally forgotten about you. I have a lot of experience with taxi drivers and I think it's like serving tables. You get nice people, and you get angry people, and you just keep doing your job, and try not to let the crazy ones get to you. They've seen everything.
Forgive yourself, and be nicer to future taxi drivers.
You could even ask future taxi drivers what they think you should have done, and they'll probably tell you about much worse things that have happened to them.
posted by Locochona at 6:48 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Forgive yourself, and be nicer to future taxi drivers.
You could even ask future taxi drivers what they think you should have done, and they'll probably tell you about much worse things that have happened to them.
posted by Locochona at 6:48 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I like the pay it forward advice. You should do that no matter what you do, but I think if it means this much to you, then you should at least send a card to the company explaining the situation and apologizing. Leave money out of it unless you can find the guy. Dispatch people at cab companies can seem rude on the phone, but I bet if they got a note like that, they would at least share it with all their drivers.
Your guy will probably eventually hear about it.
posted by hamandcheese at 8:20 PM on January 4, 2011
Your guy will probably eventually hear about it.
posted by hamandcheese at 8:20 PM on January 4, 2011
This is one of those things that everyone does. More thoughtful people (you among them, clearly) remember it for the future. The burning shame of your bad behavior will help you stay your tongue the next time you're tired and running on empty and inclined to be short with someone who doesn't deserve it.
There's a chance that if you did find the driver, he might be a little creeped out by your approach and apology. Wondering, "Is this person completely psycho? Should I be worried that they know me now? What if they snap again?"
I would let it go. You didn't stab him, or throw up on his seats, or call him nasty racial slurs. That alone means you're not his worst fare, by a long shot.
I think it's safe to say this event looms larger to you than it does to him. Maybe that's as it should be.
posted by ErikaB at 8:32 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's a chance that if you did find the driver, he might be a little creeped out by your approach and apology. Wondering, "Is this person completely psycho? Should I be worried that they know me now? What if they snap again?"
I would let it go. You didn't stab him, or throw up on his seats, or call him nasty racial slurs. That alone means you're not his worst fare, by a long shot.
I think it's safe to say this event looms larger to you than it does to him. Maybe that's as it should be.
posted by ErikaB at 8:32 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
A family member has worked as a cab dispatcher for years. I'm sure she would tell all her cabbies about any letter that came in. So perhaps just write up an apology and provide a way to get in touch. You could perhaps add that you donated $X to charity. I think most people would be so stunned by the apology that you don't even need to do the donation.
posted by acoutu at 9:52 PM on January 4, 2011
posted by acoutu at 9:52 PM on January 4, 2011
I can't add to all the good suggestions, but I just wanted you to know....I very much admire your idea to apologize. He'll be very surprised....I'm certain he is treated like crap with regularity...being a cab driver is a hard job.
posted by naplesyellow at 11:07 PM on January 4, 2011
posted by naplesyellow at 11:07 PM on January 4, 2011
If you're in NYC, with ~13k drivers it might not be possible to find the individual guy by calling the dispatch company, though anything's possible. But if you can't find him, you COULD write up your apology and post it at the taxi relief stands in your neighborhood. If you're not in NYC, other large cities probably have something similar. Even if it doesn't get to the individual guy, it might take the edge off for someone else.
posted by Ashley801 at 12:54 AM on January 5, 2011
posted by Ashley801 at 12:54 AM on January 5, 2011
and if I find him trying to offer him money and an apology. Is this a good idea?
If you can find him and offer him the money and apology, I can almost guarantee he will remember it for a long time to come. Memories of it will help him get past particularly shitty days.
As someone who works in a tipping profession, its people like you who make us think, "there are still good people in the world". Yay for you.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 2:00 AM on January 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
If you can find him and offer him the money and apology, I can almost guarantee he will remember it for a long time to come. Memories of it will help him get past particularly shitty days.
As someone who works in a tipping profession, its people like you who make us think, "there are still good people in the world". Yay for you.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 2:00 AM on January 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by cmoj at 3:15 PM on January 4, 2011 [1 favorite]