Reality check, please!
December 14, 2010 8:21 AM Subscribe
Mother in law invited herself on vacation, I'm not happy. Am I being unreasonable?
posted by anonymous to human relations (34 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Over Thanksgiving I was chatting with my mother in law about an upcoming trip we (my husband and I) have planned with a few of my girlfriends. Mother in law proceeds to say, "Oh how fun! Maybe we'll come meet you there!" I was caught off guard at her self-invitation at the time and don't really respond, and sort of assumed it would go away on it's own and wasn't worth fussing over.
Fast forward a few weeks and she's calling and emailing and trying to make plans to come on our vacation. I'm appalled that she's inserting herself in to our plans and I don't want her to come. My husband would rather not rock the boat and doesn't want me to tell her and my father in law not to come (and obviously will not speak with her on my behalf because of his preference for non-confrontation).
I'm angry that she's put me in this position, and sad that my husband won't stand up for what I want in this situation. He's also tried to explain away or justify her behavior, and has argued that in the reverse situation my parents would do the same (they would not, and if they did, I would tell them I thought they were being rude and not involve him). His other argument was that if I did not want her to come with, I should have never mentioned the trip--I think this is absurd.
It may or may not be important to note that my in-laws live a half a day's drive away from us (and a half day's drive from our trip destination, we will essentially pass them on our way down, but will not have time to stop and visit due to some of the planned trip activities/short nature of the trip), husband and I grew up in the same town where we still live and most of our extended family lives here. My in-laws moved to their current town about 8 years ago and we see them 4-8 times a year. My parents live 2 miles away and we see them once or more a week most of the time. My mother in law has a history of crowding me (I'm an introvert, she could not be more extroverted), my own parents work hard to give me space.
The trip was originally planned for me and a girlfriend to attend an event that we have as a common interest, and expanded to include my husband and another friend of mine.
Am I being unreasonable in:
1. Thinking that it was rude for her to invite herself on a planned vacation.
2. Wanting my husband, though he may not agree with my feeling that it was rude, to respect that I'm upset and go to bat for me?
My in-laws will be visiting this weekend and it is likely that my mother in law will want to talk about the trip plans. I don't know how to handle this when it comes up. Should I just bite the bullet and let it happen? I feel a bit steamrolled and I hate that, and I also don't want to put my friends who are coming on the trip with us in the position of having to entertain/spend their entire vacation with my in-laws. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I feel as though she's put me in a position where I either resent her and sacrifice the vacation I planned for myself and my friends or hurt her feelings to get what I want.