Personal Campaign Finance Reform
December 11, 2010 2:35 PM
I just found $200 that a family member had given me in 2008 to donate to Obama's campaign. Obviously, I never did that. What should I do with the money?
Posting for a friend:
Last week I was cleaning out my desk when I noticed a wad of 20s sticking out from one of the books on the shelf above my desk ($200 total). At first I got super-excited, thinking I'd stashed some cash and forgotten it. But then I realized that the cash was actually sticking out of a card in the book. I remembered that the book (which I hadn't gotten around to reading) was a gift from a family member, L, for my birthday in the winter of '07-08.
I looked at the card and saw that L had written an inscription asking me to donate the cash to the Obama campaign in my name. Uh-oh. Obviously I did not do this. In fact, I have absolutely no memory of receiving this money or L's request. Normally I'm not a forgetful person, but that winter was an insane period in my life. Still, I feel absolutely and completely horrible about this. I completely abused L's trust.
So now I need to figure out what to do with this money. Just keeping it is not an option. I could give it back to L with a profuse apology. This makes the most sense but I'm worried that she'll be angry that I never did this and hurt that I paid so little attention to her present - not only did I not read the book, but I never even opened it!
I could donate the money to a charity I know she would support, like Planned Parenthood. I could wait until 2012 and donate it to Obama's reelection effort.
What would you do in my case?
Posting for a friend:
Last week I was cleaning out my desk when I noticed a wad of 20s sticking out from one of the books on the shelf above my desk ($200 total). At first I got super-excited, thinking I'd stashed some cash and forgotten it. But then I realized that the cash was actually sticking out of a card in the book. I remembered that the book (which I hadn't gotten around to reading) was a gift from a family member, L, for my birthday in the winter of '07-08.
I looked at the card and saw that L had written an inscription asking me to donate the cash to the Obama campaign in my name. Uh-oh. Obviously I did not do this. In fact, I have absolutely no memory of receiving this money or L's request. Normally I'm not a forgetful person, but that winter was an insane period in my life. Still, I feel absolutely and completely horrible about this. I completely abused L's trust.
So now I need to figure out what to do with this money. Just keeping it is not an option. I could give it back to L with a profuse apology. This makes the most sense but I'm worried that she'll be angry that I never did this and hurt that I paid so little attention to her present - not only did I not read the book, but I never even opened it!
I could donate the money to a charity I know she would support, like Planned Parenthood. I could wait until 2012 and donate it to Obama's reelection effort.
What would you do in my case?
I'd donate it to Organizing for America (the DNC / Obama organizing group) today. Then, you're donating to Obama (which I assume is salient still to both you and your relative) and you don't have to wait until 2012.
posted by quadrilaterals at 2:37 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by quadrilaterals at 2:37 PM on December 11, 2010
I completely abused L's trust.
I would cut yourself a break here. Completely abusing L's trust would be if you spent the $200 on spa treatments or something. (Or worse, donated it to McCain/Palin!) You didn't intentionally do anything wrong; you're only guilty of having been frazzled at the time. Happens to everyone. Be gentle with yourself.
Under the circumstances, I agree that donating it to the Obama organizing group seems the most appropriate. (Though since you asked what I would do in the same case, I personally would send it to Bernie Sanders at this point, or to a specific progressive cause/organization that I feel Obama's let down, e.g. Freedom to Marry.)
posted by scody at 2:50 PM on December 11, 2010
I would cut yourself a break here. Completely abusing L's trust would be if you spent the $200 on spa treatments or something. (Or worse, donated it to McCain/Palin!) You didn't intentionally do anything wrong; you're only guilty of having been frazzled at the time. Happens to everyone. Be gentle with yourself.
Under the circumstances, I agree that donating it to the Obama organizing group seems the most appropriate. (Though since you asked what I would do in the same case, I personally would send it to Bernie Sanders at this point, or to a specific progressive cause/organization that I feel Obama's let down, e.g. Freedom to Marry.)
posted by scody at 2:50 PM on December 11, 2010
Had you followed L's request that you take her money and donate it in your name, you'd have been violating Federal campaign law. By asking you to do so, L may also have been violating the law.
So it's good you didn't do what L asked. When you next see L, hand her the cash, explaining that while you're sure she didn't realize it, you didn't donate it when you discovered doing so might be illegal.
posted by orthogonality at 2:58 PM on December 11, 2010
So it's good you didn't do what L asked. When you next see L, hand her the cash, explaining that while you're sure she didn't realize it, you didn't donate it when you discovered doing so might be illegal.
posted by orthogonality at 2:58 PM on December 11, 2010
I agree you should donate the funds to a cause that you are sure L would like.
I see no need to contact her about it. Don't feel bad. Your friend could have been more careful in her manner of giving cash. Tucking cash into a book is risky. The cash could fall out of the book and go unnoticed. Or the receiver could lend out the book without realizing the money was inside. When I give cash gifts, I put it in an envelope labeled with the receiver's name, and I make sure they received it.
posted by valannc at 2:59 PM on December 11, 2010
I see no need to contact her about it. Don't feel bad. Your friend could have been more careful in her manner of giving cash. Tucking cash into a book is risky. The cash could fall out of the book and go unnoticed. Or the receiver could lend out the book without realizing the money was inside. When I give cash gifts, I put it in an envelope labeled with the receiver's name, and I make sure they received it.
posted by valannc at 2:59 PM on December 11, 2010
I completely abused L's trust.
Completely abusing L's trust would be donating it to Palin 2012, so let's not go overboard here.
I agree with those who say that you should donate it to a similar worthy cause. Either the Obama re-election fund or the ACLU or Lambda Legal or any other sort of bleeding heart, liberal, gay-hgging, pinko-commie organization that we all believed Obama loved and supported back then.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:11 PM on December 11, 2010
Completely abusing L's trust would be donating it to Palin 2012, so let's not go overboard here.
I agree with those who say that you should donate it to a similar worthy cause. Either the Obama re-election fund or the ACLU or Lambda Legal or any other sort of bleeding heart, liberal, gay-hgging, pinko-commie organization that we all believed Obama loved and supported back then.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:11 PM on December 11, 2010
I would save it and put it towards your health care premiums since the public option didn't quite make it through as we thought. I donated to the campaign in 2008 and almost wish I could get my money back at this point.
posted by thorny at 3:17 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by thorny at 3:17 PM on December 11, 2010
Donate the money to Organizing for America, as others have suggested. Then, read the book and write L. a nice note telling her what you thought of it. You could also maybe send her a book you think she'd like. You haven't done anything wrong, really. Everyone forgets things once in awhile. But don't forget to send a thank-you note for such a thoughtful gift .. even now, it's not too late.
posted by Kangaroo at 3:18 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by Kangaroo at 3:18 PM on December 11, 2010
Just give the money back to your friend. Obama won despite your error and the way things are going your friend could probably use the money. Or at least allow her to make the decision about what you should do with the money. Maybe she's had a change of heart.
posted by mbx at 3:20 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by mbx at 3:20 PM on December 11, 2010
> I could give it back to L with a profuse apology.
Of course this is what you should do. It is her money, and you are not at liberty to dispose of it in a way that is pleasing to you or to the fine folks of MetaFilter. I can't believe people are suggesting other places to donate it to. It is not your money and it is not your choice. Suck it up and return it. (And yeah, it's not that horrible a thing you did, people forget stuff all the time, and she'll probably be glad to have the money.)
posted by languagehat at 3:38 PM on December 11, 2010
Of course this is what you should do. It is her money, and you are not at liberty to dispose of it in a way that is pleasing to you or to the fine folks of MetaFilter. I can't believe people are suggesting other places to donate it to. It is not your money and it is not your choice. Suck it up and return it. (And yeah, it's not that horrible a thing you did, people forget stuff all the time, and she'll probably be glad to have the money.)
posted by languagehat at 3:38 PM on December 11, 2010
Languagehat said: It is not your money and it is not your choice
Actually, I think it is Maude's money. The giver gave it to Maude.1 She asked Maude to do something in particular with it, but Maude is not obligated to do that particular thing.
It's similar to me giving someone money and telling them "buy yourself a book you will like." What if that person doesn't like to read? It is a cash gift to a person and the person who received the cash ultimately decides what to do with it.
Do what you want to do with the money.
1And what an odd way of giving a gift. "Here's $200, you need to donate it to the Obama campaign in your own name, that's my gift to you." Do people really do that? Why didn't the giver just donate the money themselves and send a note to the "recipient" letting them know about the donation in their name? I sort of wonder whether the Maude's "forgetfulness" was a subconscious expression of resistance to the control-freak nature of the gift.
posted by jayder at 3:59 PM on December 11, 2010
Actually, I think it is Maude's money. The giver gave it to Maude.1 She asked Maude to do something in particular with it, but Maude is not obligated to do that particular thing.
It's similar to me giving someone money and telling them "buy yourself a book you will like." What if that person doesn't like to read? It is a cash gift to a person and the person who received the cash ultimately decides what to do with it.
Do what you want to do with the money.
1And what an odd way of giving a gift. "Here's $200, you need to donate it to the Obama campaign in your own name, that's my gift to you." Do people really do that? Why didn't the giver just donate the money themselves and send a note to the "recipient" letting them know about the donation in their name? I sort of wonder whether the Maude's "forgetfulness" was a subconscious expression of resistance to the control-freak nature of the gift.
posted by jayder at 3:59 PM on December 11, 2010
This all assumes your relative is a reasonable person, not prone to feeling slighted over weird things, etc:
Write to her -- especially if you think there is a chance that you weren't aware of the money at the time (eg she hid it in the book and said nothing), you should write to her and tell her the story, thanking her for her kind gift of the book and her thoughtful secret gift toward a cause (I assume) you supported. This is because it's possible that you never thanked her in the first place! You can explain in general terms that it was a difficult period in your life (if she doesn't know the reason) and reflect on how far you've come from that difficulty time with help from supportive family/friends like her, or whatever else is appropriate to your relationship.
I think you have the option either to give the money back (especially if you know her money situation is tight now) or to donate to an organization you feel certain she would approve (carrying out her original intentions as best you can now) -- so for example, if she has since voiced disapproval of Obama, consider donating to a food bank or some other enterprise she would approve. I would make the donation in both your names, and tell her about it.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:03 PM on December 11, 2010
Write to her -- especially if you think there is a chance that you weren't aware of the money at the time (eg she hid it in the book and said nothing), you should write to her and tell her the story, thanking her for her kind gift of the book and her thoughtful secret gift toward a cause (I assume) you supported. This is because it's possible that you never thanked her in the first place! You can explain in general terms that it was a difficult period in your life (if she doesn't know the reason) and reflect on how far you've come from that difficulty time with help from supportive family/friends like her, or whatever else is appropriate to your relationship.
I think you have the option either to give the money back (especially if you know her money situation is tight now) or to donate to an organization you feel certain she would approve (carrying out her original intentions as best you can now) -- so for example, if she has since voiced disapproval of Obama, consider donating to a food bank or some other enterprise she would approve. I would make the donation in both your names, and tell her about it.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:03 PM on December 11, 2010
Am I really the only one here who would just spend the money?
Obama won, the original point of the money is moot, times are hard. I'm sure if your relative found out that you genuinely forgot to donate the money and later spent it on something you really needed, she wouldn't fault you. But there's also no reason she need ever know.
Or, you could spend some of the money on a nice gift for the original giver, as thanks.
posted by hermitosis at 5:03 PM on December 11, 2010
Obama won, the original point of the money is moot, times are hard. I'm sure if your relative found out that you genuinely forgot to donate the money and later spent it on something you really needed, she wouldn't fault you. But there's also no reason she need ever know.
Or, you could spend some of the money on a nice gift for the original giver, as thanks.
posted by hermitosis at 5:03 PM on December 11, 2010
I would still donate it to Obama and never tell her. Later is better then never. Also, why cause drama?
posted by Felex at 5:10 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by Felex at 5:10 PM on December 11, 2010
Donate the money to Obama 2012 or Organizing for America. Think nothing more of it. Once you do that, you will no longer have violated their trust. You were just a little slow in doing it. I think you would harm them more by ever even mentioning it.
(Provided this money was a gift to you, and donating to a political campaign was just a suggestion, of course.)
Am I really the only one here who would just spend the money?
Probably not, based on some of the threads I've read here.
posted by gjc at 5:14 PM on December 11, 2010
(Provided this money was a gift to you, and donating to a political campaign was just a suggestion, of course.)
Am I really the only one here who would just spend the money?
Probably not, based on some of the threads I've read here.
posted by gjc at 5:14 PM on December 11, 2010
> Actually, I think it is Maude's money. The giver gave it to Maude. She asked Maude to do something in particular with it, but Maude is not obligated to do that particular thing.
Well, I guess it's all in how you look at it. To me, it's not a gift, it's a proxy donation that happened to coincide with a birthday present, and since the giver* neglected to make the donation it should be returned. Of course if you look at it as part of a birthday gift, then the situation is very different, but as you say, "And what an odd way of giving a gift. 'Here's $200, you need to donate it to the Obama campaign in your own name, that's my gift to you.' Do people really do that?" I don't think they do, or at least I think that since that's such a bizarre idea, the odds are heavily in favor of my interpretation. In any case, the giver should ask L.; she can say "Oh, that was meant as a gift, do what you want with it" or "Hey, great, I can use the $200, I'm glad you forgot," or whatever, but the giver (I think) owes it to her to check. Embarrassment is not an excuse for taking the easy way out.
*N.b.: Maude is not the person in question; she is asking for a friend.
posted by languagehat at 5:28 PM on December 11, 2010
Well, I guess it's all in how you look at it. To me, it's not a gift, it's a proxy donation that happened to coincide with a birthday present, and since the giver* neglected to make the donation it should be returned. Of course if you look at it as part of a birthday gift, then the situation is very different, but as you say, "And what an odd way of giving a gift. 'Here's $200, you need to donate it to the Obama campaign in your own name, that's my gift to you.' Do people really do that?" I don't think they do, or at least I think that since that's such a bizarre idea, the odds are heavily in favor of my interpretation. In any case, the giver should ask L.; she can say "Oh, that was meant as a gift, do what you want with it" or "Hey, great, I can use the $200, I'm glad you forgot," or whatever, but the giver (I think) owes it to her to check. Embarrassment is not an excuse for taking the easy way out.
*N.b.: Maude is not the person in question; she is asking for a friend.
posted by languagehat at 5:28 PM on December 11, 2010
The money was a gift. The recipient of the gift can do with it what they like. This seems akin to getting money as a baby gift, to buy stuff "for the baby". Sure, that's an excellent idea but no one is really keeping track of or questioning if the parents use it for a mortgage payment or a last dinner out or whatever they want.
It's a gift.
posted by katybird at 8:11 PM on December 11, 2010
It's a gift.
posted by katybird at 8:11 PM on December 11, 2010
Still, I feel absolutely and completely horrible about this.
If that's they way you feel about it, the only thing that will have this be ok with you is to let them know what happened, apologize, and ask if they'd like the money back, or have it given to some other cause.
Given the way you see this, anything else is looking for an easy way out, and on some level you'll know it, and you won't feel good about yourself for taking that route.
The most likely thing is they'll laugh about it, be touched that you told them, and tell you to keep the money. But regardless of their response, you'll be happier and prouder of yourself doing that than anything else.
posted by philipy at 9:26 PM on December 11, 2010
If that's they way you feel about it, the only thing that will have this be ok with you is to let them know what happened, apologize, and ask if they'd like the money back, or have it given to some other cause.
Given the way you see this, anything else is looking for an easy way out, and on some level you'll know it, and you won't feel good about yourself for taking that route.
The most likely thing is they'll laugh about it, be touched that you told them, and tell you to keep the money. But regardless of their response, you'll be happier and prouder of yourself doing that than anything else.
posted by philipy at 9:26 PM on December 11, 2010
I'm with the folks who question this kind of gift. I love getting a goat for Christmas that goes to a deserving family in my name but I reckon this is a bit different. Giving you cash to support a political candidate is pretty limited as to being a true act of charity. I might tell L that you found the money after all this time, Obama is in, so you decided to think a bit more globally and bought a well for a family, or decided to sponsor a child with the money.
posted by honey-barbara at 10:27 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by honey-barbara at 10:27 PM on December 11, 2010
I don't understand why you should feel bad in the slightest. The normal thing to do would be for L to give the donation in your name, and then let you know that she did so as a gift, instead of handing you cash and telling you to do that yourself. Do whatever you want with the money.
posted by citron at 10:41 PM on December 11, 2010
posted by citron at 10:41 PM on December 11, 2010
"Hey, relative, I found your Obama donation in my desk. I'm sorry I didn't get it to his campaign, but I'm glad he won. Here's the money."
posted by zippy at 4:28 AM on December 12, 2010
posted by zippy at 4:28 AM on December 12, 2010
For clarification, was there any legal impediment to L donating the money in her own name?
posted by dougrayrankin at 5:51 AM on December 12, 2010
posted by dougrayrankin at 5:51 AM on December 12, 2010
It sounds to me like a directed donation, not a gift. Since the donation can longer be made, return money to L. "Hey L, I'm really sorry, I just realized I forgot to donate this to Obama." Maybe L says to keep it, maybe not, but I can't imagine L getting pissed off about it.
posted by J. Wilson at 7:33 AM on December 12, 2010
posted by J. Wilson at 7:33 AM on December 12, 2010
> The money was a gift. The recipient of the gift can do with it what they like... It's a gift.
You can repeat yourself as much as you like, but that doesn't make it any truer. It is your opinion that "It's a gift." It is mine that it isn't. Neither of us knows. The only person who knows is L. The friend should ask L. Any other course of action is laziness/selfishness.
posted by languagehat at 7:58 AM on December 12, 2010
You can repeat yourself as much as you like, but that doesn't make it any truer. It is your opinion that "It's a gift." It is mine that it isn't. Neither of us knows. The only person who knows is L. The friend should ask L. Any other course of action is laziness/selfishness.
posted by languagehat at 7:58 AM on December 12, 2010
I remembered that the book (which I hadn't gotten around to reading) was a gift from a family member, L, for my birthday in the winter of '07-08.
If L does have your perspective, it was not communicated clearly enough for asked to be held responsible.
posted by katybird at 1:03 PM on December 12, 2010
If L does have your perspective, it was not communicated clearly enough for asked to be held responsible.
posted by katybird at 1:03 PM on December 12, 2010
I absolutely agree with the Hat on this one. Talk to L and find out what L thinks you should do.
posted by tangerine at 12:33 AM on December 13, 2010
posted by tangerine at 12:33 AM on December 13, 2010
Thanks all for the thoughtful answers. My friend has took them into consideration and is going to inquire with L.
posted by Maude_the_destroyer at 7:48 PM on December 13, 2010
posted by Maude_the_destroyer at 7:48 PM on December 13, 2010
Yikes, has TAKEN them into consideration. geez.
posted by Maude_the_destroyer at 7:49 PM on December 13, 2010
posted by Maude_the_destroyer at 7:49 PM on December 13, 2010
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posted by jedicus at 2:37 PM on December 11, 2010