Should I tell my friend his memorial plan is too expensive?
May 18, 2012 7:21 AM Subscribe
Is there a way to politely tell my friend that his monetary requests for a memorial donation are self-defeating?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
My friend's sister died young, and they want to establish a memorial scholarship in her name at the alternative school she attended. That's great, but they need $20K to establish the endowment fund, so they are asking people to donate $200 to the memorial fund to help set up the scholarship, and the number is turning a *lot* of people off the whole idea. They've gotten very few donations so far.
The family itself is not well off, and few of their friends are well off, so there's not many people in their circle that could afford to donate $200, even if they wanted to, and based on talking to a few mutual friends: nobody wants to. It's just too much money and they're all somewhat creeped out by being asked for such a large sum. Plus, a group of us got together (without being asked) and each donated money (I gave $100, I don't know what others gave) to help defray funeral expenses, so this would be another $200 on top of that.
They will take smaller donations to the fund, but every time they bring it up, on Twitter, at the memorial, etc, they always mention that they are looking for $200 donations.
My friend works for a charity, so I suspect he's internalized the idea that you should ask high in order to raise expectations, but he's asking so high that everyone I know has just thrown up their hands and said 'I can't possibly donate $200', so they donate nothing. I could donate another $50, maybe, but it feels so inadequate and pointless relative to the request for $200, so I'm not going to.
Should I explain this to him? If so, how? It's obviously a super-sensitive issue given the context.
Or should I butt out and assume that he will figure it out based on the lack of donations?