Too late to figure out sex at 45?
November 15, 2010 3:16 PM Subscribe
Is it possible to learn the things you should have learned when you were an adolescent when that time is long in the past?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (13 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Somehow I’ve let myself get to 45 years of age without understanding even the basics of how to interact with women. I have no idea how to tell if a woman is interested in me, or show that I am interested in her. Anything I do that expresses even the slightest desire for sex is a complete failure—I can’t flirt, I can’t make a move, I can’t even make a joke without coming off like an idiot. I find it really hard to believe that any woman could ever want me, and who could blame them? Why waste your time on someone with no confidence, someone who is basically too scared to try anything because he knows it is just going to go bad.
I think this goes back to things I did as a teenager, stupid things that I thought would result in sex but actually had no chance of ever doing that. What they did was get me into a lot of trouble, and as a reaction to that I completely withdrew from trying to get sex at all. It was a lot easier to tell myself no one could ever want me than to face my fears and risk screwing up again. The few relationships I have had have been pretty short, and have happened because someone else talked the woman into giving me a chance. I’ve never been able to get anything but friendship by my own efforts.
I’m really not looking to become some kind of player; I just want to feel that a woman could want me and not be completely uncomfortable trying to pursue that. I think that if I could go through a period of casual dating like most people do when they are young I might be able to figure some of this out, but it doesn’t seem to be an option at my age. People either just hook up (which I would have to already know all this stuff in order to do) or they are totally focused on marriage and children as soon as possible (which is just way too much for me to deal with given how messed up my head is.)
So—do you think it would be possible for me to work this out at this point in my life, or is it too late? If you think it is possible, can you suggest anything that might help make it easier?