You're like a fixed gear bike, fun to ride and hard to stop

October 17, 2010 12:54 PM

For Halloweeen I'm going to be Valentine's Day and pass out homemade Valentines to people. I need a lot of repurposed pick-up lines and dirty jokes and terrible puns for the cards. Think "I CHOO-CHOO-CHOOSE YOU!" for drunken adults.

I'm into bicycles, drinking, and hitting on hipsters, so if you've got anything along those lines bring it on. My middle name is Cupcake and there's got to be at least a billion cream-filling/frosting jokes there. I love living in Chicago and plan to make as many jokes about The Crotch (aka Six Corners) as I can. I can draw pretty well so visual jokes are also ok. I have absolutely no problem with being absolutely filthy and/or offensive. They can also be the dumbest jokes ever and I'll still find them funny. 

posted by Juliet Banana to Writing & Language (12 answers total)

There may be some fodder here.

Is your middle name really Cupcake?
posted by amro at 12:58 PM on October 17, 2010

Dude, I asked almost the same question a while back.

Here is a very long list of the ones I chose:

If you were a president you would be BABEraham Lincoln
Cock-a-doodle-do-me
I knead your lovin' (bread)
I dig you (shovel)
Bone me (dinosaur fossils)
Naturally, I select you (Darwin)
You make me hoppy (beer)
You float my boat
I Louvre you (mona lisa)
You rock my world
I pine for you
Yoda one for me
You electrify me (Tesla)
Bee my honey
I can't disguise my love for you (mask)
Quit Stalin and be mine
You make me horny (narwhal)
You've got me all wound up (alarm clock)
I love ewe
I'm bananas for you
I'm stuck on you (glue)
You stole my heart (burglar)
You're a real catch (fish)
You are berry sweet
You're tops
You're a knock out
You sweep me off my feet
You're cute as a button
You + Me = <3 (calculator)
ILUVYOO (scrabble tiles)
You are grate (cheese)
I like you a latte
I'm drawn to you
I'm hooked on you
We're suited to a tee (golf)
I CHEWse you (gum)
You are my mane man (horse)
My heart pants for you (pants)
You have the key to my heart
Lettuce be together
I'm not lion when I say I love you
I'm lost without you (compass)
We're mint for each other
It's about thyme I said I love you
We're a perfect match
We're quite a pear
Our love is immeasurable (tape measure)
I'm s(mitten)
I wheelie like you
I'm nuts about you
We go together like pb&j
We are two peas in a pod
You're the write stuff
You're my cutie pie
You ARRR wonderful (pirate)
I'm eKERNELly yours (corn)
You complete me (puzzle)
You're the Ace of my Heart
You are out of this world
You rule
Sew in love
You are a gem
You are planted in my heart
It would suck if you weren't my favorite (vacuum)
It would stink without you (deodorant)
You're the bessssst (snake)
You rock my socks
You're souper (cambell's)
Let's spoon
Wood you be mine
Olive you
We are lucky in love (clover)
Love is brewing
Love-Love (tennis)
It'd be crappy without you (toilet paper)
I lava you (volcano)
You're very a-peel-ing.
posted by phunniemee at 1:05 PM on October 17, 2010 [50 favorites]

This one has always stuck with me:

If you were a sheep, I'd ram ewe.
posted by pecanpies at 1:12 PM on October 17, 2010

Buy a load of the cheapest, most horrible cards you can find. Inside, write LOOK AT THIS FUCKING VALENTINE'S DAY CARD.
posted by permafrost at 1:15 PM on October 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

OMG you could borrow from these genius valentines that I bought & framed for my hubs a few years ago. We're not ashamed of our L&O addiction! My faves are "Guilty! Of being my Valentine!" and "In the criminal justice system, you're considered especially gorgeous!" Hee!
posted by Fui Non Sum at 1:18 PM on October 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

Can't go wrong with Zap Brannigan! "If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?" or "I have a very sexy learning disability: sexlexia."
posted by bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated at 1:29 PM on October 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

amro: "Is your middle name really Cupcake?"

Yes, she had it legally changed. She's mentioned this on Mefi before. :)
posted by IndigoRain at 2:41 PM on October 17, 2010

Zapp Brannigan's quote page on IMdB.

A rather good double entendre blog.

The double entendre page on TVTropes, full of lots of good pop culture examples.
posted by Fizzgig at 2:59 PM on October 17, 2010

i once got a homemade bike-themed valentine that said "you make my heart RACE." as i recall, the person who made it also made one about being SPOKEn for, and one about being WHEELy cute.
posted by dizziest at 6:28 PM on October 17, 2010

A pic of Charles Darwin with the logo, "I select you... naturally!"
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:19 PM on October 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hey baby, I'm just a love pirate, looking for some booty.
posted by coppermoss at 10:51 PM on October 17, 2010

You're my leavening agent
quiche me you fool
doughnut forsake me
icing of the body electric
muffin diver
Choux girl
Your #1 Flan
Pudding you in my black book
posted by benzenedream at 12:14 AM on October 19, 2010