Help save me from wanting to strangle myself like I want to strangle everyone else who speaks in this atrocious manner!
October 14, 2010 10:16 AM Subscribe
What are some methods and resources for changing my speech patterns/tone of voice? It seems like every word I say has a sarcastic/baby-ish/Valley Girl-y/tense/forcibly higher-pitched lilt to it.
I have a unique, naturally husky voice which I like, but it is being completely taken over by this detestable speech pattern and tone. It doesn't help that a) I actually grew up in the Valley in the 80s and 2) I am often experiencing social anxiety (it seems plausible that this could have something to with it.)
I'd really rather not signal inauthenticity, desperation, and infantalized womanhood, which is exactly what I feel like my speech currently signals. Any ideas?
I have a unique, naturally husky voice which I like, but it is being completely taken over by this detestable speech pattern and tone. It doesn't help that a) I actually grew up in the Valley in the 80s and 2) I am often experiencing social anxiety (it seems plausible that this could have something to with it.)
I'd really rather not signal inauthenticity, desperation, and infantalized womanhood, which is exactly what I feel like my speech currently signals. Any ideas?
1) Record yourself to look for specific things you can correct.
2) Are you uptalking--that is, do your sentences sound like questions? My old public speaking prof advised us to imagine saying "Dammit." at the end of every sentence, the idea being that this would force your intonation down instead of up.
3) Try to be aware of hedge words and phrases like "sort of" "kinda" "right?"...I'm sure you can think of more. Using these words is a way of disowning what you're saying. Instead of, like, trying to sort of speak directly, you know? Speak directly.
posted by the_blizz at 10:30 AM on October 14, 2010 [4 favorites]
2) Are you uptalking--that is, do your sentences sound like questions? My old public speaking prof advised us to imagine saying "Dammit." at the end of every sentence, the idea being that this would force your intonation down instead of up.
3) Try to be aware of hedge words and phrases like "sort of" "kinda" "right?"...I'm sure you can think of more. Using these words is a way of disowning what you're saying. Instead of, like, trying to sort of speak directly, you know? Speak directly.
posted by the_blizz at 10:30 AM on October 14, 2010 [4 favorites]
From "Singin' in the Rain" -- rrrrround tones. I have flat vowels because I am an Upper Midwesterner, and boy, is singer's diction fun!
I'll look into some of my other diction resources; there may be an easily accessible book that could provide some assistance. Look into theatrical books and that sort of thing.
posted by Madamina at 10:48 AM on October 14, 2010
I'll look into some of my other diction resources; there may be an easily accessible book that could provide some assistance. Look into theatrical books and that sort of thing.
posted by Madamina at 10:48 AM on October 14, 2010
^ yes, to the blizz.
NEVER say the words "kinda," "sorta," or worse, "kinda-sorta." You could be a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, and your credibly will fly out the window at the utterance of these I.Q.-lowering words.
Rent the movie Goodbye, and Good Luck. Listen to the main character assert his words, not mealy-mouth them. Remember; you're making declarative sentences; you're stating what is, not what you hope people will agree with you.
posted by BostonTerrier at 10:55 AM on October 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
NEVER say the words "kinda," "sorta," or worse, "kinda-sorta." You could be a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, and your credibly will fly out the window at the utterance of these I.Q.-lowering words.
Rent the movie Goodbye, and Good Luck. Listen to the main character assert his words, not mealy-mouth them. Remember; you're making declarative sentences; you're stating what is, not what you hope people will agree with you.
posted by BostonTerrier at 10:55 AM on October 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
Looking forward to hearing answers to this because I recently realized I do this and I'm Puerto Rican and from East NY Brooklyn. Never been to the valley.
Some other things to take note of - Do you tend to lower your voice as you get close to the end of a sentence? This has a similar effect as adding sort of, kind of, maybe, and probably to everything you say. I also talk slower so that I can hear what I'm saying as it comes out of my mouth. Think before you speak basically.
posted by mokeydraws at 10:55 AM on October 14, 2010
Some other things to take note of - Do you tend to lower your voice as you get close to the end of a sentence? This has a similar effect as adding sort of, kind of, maybe, and probably to everything you say. I also talk slower so that I can hear what I'm saying as it comes out of my mouth. Think before you speak basically.
posted by mokeydraws at 10:55 AM on October 14, 2010
One thing I find that makes young women sound like Valley Girls is the way they pronounce the word "the" ahead of a word that starts with a vowel. Example: "I think the auditor will be here in the afternoon." To my ear you will sound like a teenager if you pronounce "the" as "thuh" in that sentence, rather than "thee." Odd, I know, but that's how it strikes me. Just very young.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 10:56 AM on October 14, 2010
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 10:56 AM on October 14, 2010
Response by poster: To clarify, my word choice is not much a problem (I rarely say like or sort of). I also annunciate clearly (which is almost unfortunate, given the way I am speaking). The only problem is the tone, lilt, cadence, pitch, etc.
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 11:07 AM on October 14, 2010
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 11:07 AM on October 14, 2010
You might want to take a look at CIcily Berry's Voice and the Actor.
It's not just for actors anymore
posted by IndigoJones at 11:25 AM on October 14, 2010
It's not just for actors anymore
posted by IndigoJones at 11:25 AM on October 14, 2010
Listening to other people, or to your voice on a recording, can help you identify what makes voices annoying to your ears. Living in a city within earshot of hundreds of uptalkers quickly taught me what not to do.
One pattern I've noticed with both Valley Girl types and perma-sarcastic people is over-emphasis on certain words and syllables, particularly adverbs and adjectives. Instead of "it is being completely taken over by this detestable speech pattern," it sounds like "it is being completely taken over by this detestable speech pattern." If you find yourself doing that, try recording yourself talking, writing down what you've said, and then reading what you've written aloud - most people read out loud in a fairly even rhythm.
Also, avoid intensifiers when you can. (I admit I'm guilty of intensifier-overuse myself.) Most of the time they add no meaning, and they attract that Valley Girl-style overemphasis. In particular, don't misuse non-intensifier adverbs like "basically" and "actually" as intensifiers. Never use "literally" as an intensifier.
(Disclaimer: I am neither a speech therapist nor a linguist.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:41 AM on October 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
One pattern I've noticed with both Valley Girl types and perma-sarcastic people is over-emphasis on certain words and syllables, particularly adverbs and adjectives. Instead of "it is being completely taken over by this detestable speech pattern," it sounds like "it is being completely taken over by this detestable speech pattern." If you find yourself doing that, try recording yourself talking, writing down what you've said, and then reading what you've written aloud - most people read out loud in a fairly even rhythm.
Also, avoid intensifiers when you can. (I admit I'm guilty of intensifier-overuse myself.) Most of the time they add no meaning, and they attract that Valley Girl-style overemphasis. In particular, don't misuse non-intensifier adverbs like "basically" and "actually" as intensifiers. Never use "literally" as an intensifier.
(Disclaimer: I am neither a speech therapist nor a linguist.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:41 AM on October 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Any other ideas for books or possibly classes? I like the recommendation for 'Voice and the Actor.' I also just found this voice and speech class for actors, which seems like it could be helpful. Does anyone know anything about that school, or others along those lines in NYC? I've acted in the distant past, so it is a reasonable idea. What about Toastmasters? I don't know much about them, but I'm trying to cast my net wide.
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 1:02 PM on October 14, 2010
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 1:02 PM on October 14, 2010
I have been told by a number of different people in different places at different times to never ever listen to recordings of yourself. You know exactly what you sound like when the sound travels through your head and vibrates your ear drum from the inside out. When you listen to your own voice vibrating your ear drum from the outside in you get shoved into an uncanny valley and it almost always sounds bad independent of how well you are speaking. I would be interested in seeing that anybody anywhere at any time has gotten good results doing this.
For speech practice I like to read two things out loud: Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass and the King James version !of the Psalms. I have heard (am am still looking for an authoritative published source for this information) that Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Ronald Reagan all have done thousands of reps of these in preparation for making their political speeches.
The high rising final does not bother me. It does have an automatic subtext of "please pay attention to me" which often derails the super-text.
posted by bukvich at 1:23 PM on October 14, 2010
For speech practice I like to read two things out loud: Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass and the King James version !of the Psalms. I have heard (am am still looking for an authoritative published source for this information) that Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Ronald Reagan all have done thousands of reps of these in preparation for making their political speeches.
The high rising final does not bother me. It does have an automatic subtext of "please pay attention to me" which often derails the super-text.
posted by bukvich at 1:23 PM on October 14, 2010
As with most speech-related issues, Toastmasters can help you. Their focus is public speaking, but really, all speaking is public speaking. I worked out a lot of bad speech habits (uptalk and filler words, in my case) with the help of a receptive, supportive and critical audience. I can't overemphasize how much this helped me be taken seriously in my competitive, male-dominated career.
On the off chance anyone wonders, I'm talking about my first career (programmer.) My current career is notably more tolerant of imprecise speech.
posted by workerant at 1:49 PM on October 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
On the off chance anyone wonders, I'm talking about my first career (programmer.) My current career is notably more tolerant of imprecise speech.
posted by workerant at 1:49 PM on October 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ages ago I took an assertiveness training course, and remember techniques like taking a breath and exhaling before you speak, to slow down, to use proper breathing (with your diaphragm and all that) and to clench and unclench your toes if you're nervous. I wish I remembered more, but it helped me immensely in my life in sales. I broke the upspeak habit, and never went back.
These days though, what I find helps most is that I read aloud to my daughter daily, and have noticed that the best authors write in a way that is beautiful when sounded aloud. It's like building a speaking muscle, so I agree with speech practice.
So, I've sometimes changed the words I use or the way I start sentences when I speak because using different words and phrases changes my tone and inflection. Even starting with someone's name and using pauses gives me a chance to take a breath and deliver a line more effectively. For example, "Bukvich, I agree that listening to a recording is painful. For example, in my head I sound like Barry White; but when recorded, like a pre-pubescent boy." There are few opportunities for upspeak in a sentence like that.
posted by peagood at 2:04 PM on October 14, 2010
These days though, what I find helps most is that I read aloud to my daughter daily, and have noticed that the best authors write in a way that is beautiful when sounded aloud. It's like building a speaking muscle, so I agree with speech practice.
So, I've sometimes changed the words I use or the way I start sentences when I speak because using different words and phrases changes my tone and inflection. Even starting with someone's name and using pauses gives me a chance to take a breath and deliver a line more effectively. For example, "Bukvich, I agree that listening to a recording is painful. For example, in my head I sound like Barry White; but when recorded, like a pre-pubescent boy." There are few opportunities for upspeak in a sentence like that.
posted by peagood at 2:04 PM on October 14, 2010
Seconding Toastmasters. Every time you give a speech you get a very constructive evaluation with the things you're doing well, and the things you can improve. I always ask my evaluator to look for certain flaws I'm concerned are apparent in my speaking. "Vocal variety" is usually something that factors into the evaluations.
I'm a woman in my mid-20s who needed some help just being more assertive, well-measured and concise in my presentation skills, in addition to my daily conversations, and Toastmasters has really helped me a lot with this.
posted by mostly vowels at 10:36 AM on October 15, 2010
I'm a woman in my mid-20s who needed some help just being more assertive, well-measured and concise in my presentation skills, in addition to my daily conversations, and Toastmasters has really helped me a lot with this.
posted by mostly vowels at 10:36 AM on October 15, 2010
I grew up around Santa Monica/Venice in the late 70s/early 80s and can tohhhtally relate. At some point in my late 20s (and as my career took off) I became very self-conscious about the way I spoke, since sounding like the female Jeff Spicoli doesn't always inspire confidence in co-workers and clients. What worked for me was just slowing down a second before I spoke. It was enough time to allow me to gain my composure and think about how I was speaking.
It did take some time -- maybe a year? -- but it made a huge difference. You don't need to pull an Eliza Doolittle, just concentrate on toning down the exaggerated parts.
For those wondering about the leap from Valley Girl to Jeff Spicoli, valspeak is akin to surferspeak.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:42 PM on October 15, 2010
It did take some time -- maybe a year? -- but it made a huge difference. You don't need to pull an Eliza Doolittle, just concentrate on toning down the exaggerated parts.
For those wondering about the leap from Valley Girl to Jeff Spicoli, valspeak is akin to surferspeak.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:42 PM on October 15, 2010
You could try a technique second-language learners use called shadowing . You listen to a dialogue through headphones, and echo back the dialogue back simultaneously. Second-language learners use it to assimilate native speech patterns. Many record their voice at the same time to monitor their performance, and repeat the task until they are satisfied with the fluency of their speech. Perhaps you could do something similar, to try to get speech habits closer to your ideal. Find some audio of some people you admire that have an accent and cadence similar to what you aspire to, and as you listen to it, repeat it back, focusing on the tone and accent.
posted by ultrabuff at 9:22 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ultrabuff at 9:22 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
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