How can I prepare for the uncertain outcome of my own divorce trial?
October 10, 2010 11:00 AM Subscribe
Soon I will be giving testimony in my own divorce trial. How can I prepare for the judgment, whatever it is?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
We were together for 14 years. The split was ugly, and the Ex behaved dishonestly all the way through. (I was the last to know.) There are no kids. The only shared asset is a house in an affluent locale.
The intent of the lawsuit, which I did not initiate, seems to have been (quite apart from finalizing the split) to intimidate me into either giving up the house, or going broke in self-defense. I made the latter choice.
Now, several years have passed. For a long time, I looked forward to a third party rendering judgment, but I’ve only recently understood that the entire ruling is at the judge’s discretion, rather than legal precedent, say, or common sense fairness.
My lawyer’s colleague knows the judge, and does not think the ruling will be in my favor. My lawyer is taking that seriously, so I must as well.
Had my various attempts at a “new life” succeeded, finding peace would be easier. But they have not. I was laid off. My new partner turned out to be bad news. Unemployment and legal bills have emptied my savings account. I am not in an ideal job-hunting age group, either….
I can’t honestly say I’ve lost everything …
I still have family, some excellent friends … but ….
Wisely or not, I have long been hoping to cash out my share of the house, so I could pay for some serious retraining or a more radical relocation. But that may not be what happens. The only certainty is that the trial will probably be traumatic.
How do I prevent that? How do I make peace no matter what happens?
Thus far, I have sought peace not only through remaking my life, even if these efforts didn’t succeed, but also through behaving ethically throughout the process. I think I can honestly say I have achieved the latter.
But that’s only so comforting. Certainly, I share responsibility for what went wrong in the marriage. But not all of it was fault-driven; some of it was just growing apart. Even so, things seem to have gone more wrong for me than I can easily explain. It’s hard to know what, precisely, was my fault. I only know what I did not do since the split.
Oddly, however, I think I have made peace with the Ex. But I’m not so sure I have with all of Ex’s accomplices (e.g. I was the last to know) or, for that matter, my own life choices. Lately, I’ve been exhibiting extreme signs of stress.
Any insight you can offer will be gladly accepted. My throw-away email is firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks.