Because Auntie Mame's got nothin' on me
September 27, 2010 1:51 PM Subscribe
Need suggestions for keeping a close relationship with my distant nephew. He's almost eleven, and his parents have just let him join Facebook.
Sadly, my brother wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, but I adore his son and want to be a positive presence in my nephew's life. Now that he's on Facebook, I can communicate with him independently.
He's one of those kids who's at sports practice until almost eight every night (if it were child labor it would be illegal) and his life is organized around church school, church, and sports. FOX News figures prominently in the household media.
I've sent him a few youtube videos (Giant Centipede Catches a Bat!) that I think he'd like, but would love suggestions for web sites/games/anything that will keep us connected and maybe broaden his world just a bit. Thanks!
Sadly, my brother wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, but I adore his son and want to be a positive presence in my nephew's life. Now that he's on Facebook, I can communicate with him independently.
He's one of those kids who's at sports practice until almost eight every night (if it were child labor it would be illegal) and his life is organized around church school, church, and sports. FOX News figures prominently in the household media.
I've sent him a few youtube videos (Giant Centipede Catches a Bat!) that I think he'd like, but would love suggestions for web sites/games/anything that will keep us connected and maybe broaden his world just a bit. Thanks!
Most parents of 11 year olds are watching who their kids are talking to online. Have his parents ok'd Facebook postings?
posted by toastedbeagle at 2:19 PM on September 27, 2010
posted by toastedbeagle at 2:19 PM on September 27, 2010
My younger brothers love addictinggames.com, and I think you can play against each other in some way.
That said - just want to note that you should probably be very careful about attempting to "broaden his world view." Believe me, in the same situation I would feel the same way, but if his parents ever found messages encouraging him to think differently than they think, there's a pretty solid chance they'd cut it off. Maybe they'd do that anyway, just because it's YOU, but maybe better to be on the safe side and try to be neutral. As toastedbeagle said, it's within reason that since they've "let him on" facebook, they probably will occasionally review his messages.
posted by coupdefoudre at 2:27 PM on September 27, 2010
That said - just want to note that you should probably be very careful about attempting to "broaden his world view." Believe me, in the same situation I would feel the same way, but if his parents ever found messages encouraging him to think differently than they think, there's a pretty solid chance they'd cut it off. Maybe they'd do that anyway, just because it's YOU, but maybe better to be on the safe side and try to be neutral. As toastedbeagle said, it's within reason that since they've "let him on" facebook, they probably will occasionally review his messages.
posted by coupdefoudre at 2:27 PM on September 27, 2010
Why does it seem like you're saying that his life being scheduled around church, school and sports is a bad thing?
Scratching my head here.
Just send him jokes and 11 year old appropriate content. But more importantly... ask him about himself? Kids that age like feeling important.
posted by mittenbex at 2:29 PM on September 27, 2010 [2 favorites]
Scratching my head here.
Just send him jokes and 11 year old appropriate content. But more importantly... ask him about himself? Kids that age like feeling important.
posted by mittenbex at 2:29 PM on September 27, 2010 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: His parents don't have a problem with us having a relationship, and I assume that they are checking his correspondence. I *HOPE* they are checking his correspondence!
We've never been close, but the estrangement between my brother and I happened since the last election. I supported Obama and am now part of the Hitlerian plot to make us all socialist gay death panel Muslims. Or something like that. But they know that I love their son.
posted by cyndigo at 2:30 PM on September 27, 2010
We've never been close, but the estrangement between my brother and I happened since the last election. I supported Obama and am now part of the Hitlerian plot to make us all socialist gay death panel Muslims. Or something like that. But they know that I love their son.
posted by cyndigo at 2:30 PM on September 27, 2010
Nothing says "I love you" like inviting someone to join your mob on Mafia Wars.
posted by Jacqueline at 2:32 PM on September 27, 2010
posted by Jacqueline at 2:32 PM on September 27, 2010
Response by poster: I should be clearer that I'm not going to attempt a liberal indoctrination or anything. But I would like him to know that there is more to the world than the everyone-different-or-brown-is-evil picture that he usually gets.
I've created a protected category for my status updates so that he doesn't see anything too adult or inflammatory.
Yes, I do ask him about himself. I can now tell you a LOT about football. :-)
posted by cyndigo at 2:34 PM on September 27, 2010
I've created a protected category for my status updates so that he doesn't see anything too adult or inflammatory.
Yes, I do ask him about himself. I can now tell you a LOT about football. :-)
posted by cyndigo at 2:34 PM on September 27, 2010
If I were you, I would send him some of the pictures you take in your travels. The ones of the suicide bombing in baghdad, the beehive?? on your deck with the lizards crawling and other cool animal, insect, human stuff. My two boys would have been amazed to have an aunt taking pictures in a war zone when they were 11 and now even more when they are 14 and 15. Youtube videos of great catches in baseball or football go over great too. I sent them the video of the guys climbing the tower that was on the blue a week or so ago and it amazed them. They forwarded it to all their friends. At 11 they loved South Park even though I am pretty sure they had no idea half the time what was really being said. I recall sending them a video of an ape eating its own poo which for an 11 year old is like finding a $100 bill in the gutter. I also recall them playing some of the line rider games that were popular a few years back.
10 and 11 year old boys like poop, sports, poop jokes, sports, cool army pictures, strange animal happenings and poop.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:35 PM on September 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
10 and 11 year old boys like poop, sports, poop jokes, sports, cool army pictures, strange animal happenings and poop.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:35 PM on September 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for those suggestions. Poop! I was afraid he'd have outgrown that. When he was five I brought him a birthday card from Thailand made from elephant dung and he LOVED it. He got to yell "POOP!" all day.
We can play internet games as long as we don't have to be on at the same time ... he really is running around to practices and games almost 24/7. But no Farmville. I love him, but I have my limits.
posted by cyndigo at 2:46 PM on September 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
We can play internet games as long as we don't have to be on at the same time ... he really is running around to practices and games almost 24/7. But no Farmville. I love him, but I have my limits.
posted by cyndigo at 2:46 PM on September 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
10 and 11 year old boys like poop, sports, poop jokes, sports, cool army pictures, strange animal happenings and poop.
When I was 10 and 11 I thought all of the above was really stupid.
It's probably better to just talk with him and get to build a relationship instead of making assumptions.
I felt like an adult at 12 and really appreciated when adults would just talk with me about what they were into and allow me to ask questions or chime in with my limited life experience on said subjects.
In my experience being an Uncle\Aunt is pretty cool because your niece\nephew will treat you as more of a friend during the awkward years where most kids don't want to be seen with their parents but you're still able to be there in an open, honest, family way where they'll talk about some things they wouldn't want to talk about with their other friends.
posted by zephyr_words at 3:36 PM on September 27, 2010
When I was 10 and 11 I thought all of the above was really stupid.
It's probably better to just talk with him and get to build a relationship instead of making assumptions.
I felt like an adult at 12 and really appreciated when adults would just talk with me about what they were into and allow me to ask questions or chime in with my limited life experience on said subjects.
In my experience being an Uncle\Aunt is pretty cool because your niece\nephew will treat you as more of a friend during the awkward years where most kids don't want to be seen with their parents but you're still able to be there in an open, honest, family way where they'll talk about some things they wouldn't want to talk about with their other friends.
posted by zephyr_words at 3:36 PM on September 27, 2010
I think trying to "broaden his world view" is a good way to turn yourself into Auntie Spinach. Just send him funny stuff, and ask about what he's doing etc. Not everything needs to be a teaching moment.
My Park Slope nephews think I'm wack because I send them silly photos of stuff I see in my neighborhood (graffiti, etc.) and ask them to do the same. I send a picture of my dog, they send pictures of neighborhood dogs. It's just for fun. They're 6 and 12.
posted by Ideefixe at 5:01 PM on September 27, 2010
My Park Slope nephews think I'm wack because I send them silly photos of stuff I see in my neighborhood (graffiti, etc.) and ask them to do the same. I send a picture of my dog, they send pictures of neighborhood dogs. It's just for fun. They're 6 and 12.
posted by Ideefixe at 5:01 PM on September 27, 2010
I'm in a very similar situation with my nephew and niece, except my conservative brother hasn't gone totally wackadoodle about the socialist Kenyan.
You're already doing the best possible thing by simply paying attention to what your nephew says. (No one listens to kids.) Let him lead. Look for links—not necessarily games—with a direct connection to something he's said and then use that site as a jumping-off point. If he mentions playing on the Wii with Tyler, ask about Tyler next time. Follow up, like you'd do with a friend.
I totally understand and support what you're trying to do. But the URLS you send are by far the least important factor here. What he'll always remember is how you treat him and how you live your life.
posted by dogrose at 6:50 PM on September 27, 2010
You're already doing the best possible thing by simply paying attention to what your nephew says. (No one listens to kids.) Let him lead. Look for links—not necessarily games—with a direct connection to something he's said and then use that site as a jumping-off point. If he mentions playing on the Wii with Tyler, ask about Tyler next time. Follow up, like you'd do with a friend.
I totally understand and support what you're trying to do. But the URLS you send are by far the least important factor here. What he'll always remember is how you treat him and how you live your life.
posted by dogrose at 6:50 PM on September 27, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by prefpara at 2:09 PM on September 27, 2010