Life stinks, I'd like to change it.
August 20, 2010 9:59 AM Subscribe
I should probably talk to a therapist, but what can I do ON MY OWN regarding general distaste for my life complicated by apathetic depression? Wall of text inside.
posted by anonymous to human relations (19 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
I seriously dislike the way my life is going. This is nothing new -- reading through some old files my parents have on me, I've disliked it since I was in third grade, and felt that I didn't have a whole lot of control over it. This causes the occasional bout of depression that can last for weeks as each little thing adds to the pile of crap in my head, and makes it very difficult for me to try and change even small things in my life (sometimes doing laundry is a major positive event). The causes of this are many and varied.
I'm recently divorced (with an ex who loathes me), living with my parents for the time being (who are relatively understanding), and unemployed for three years so finding a job is a real pain in the ass in this economy. I have a few friends, but the house isn't mine and I feel weird having people over to visit. I have an overactive imagination that lets me visualize myself successful, on my own, and happy, but no idea how to GET there.
I have little professional work experience, and though never been fired from a job I have no way to contact previous employers for references. I've done some volunteer work but I'm scared to ask them for a reference because recent troubles have affected my performance there. I'm not eligible for temp work because I don't have 'a minimum of two professional references'.
Tied into this is a new SO. This SO knows about my mental crap, and seems okay with it, but I feel like I rushed into the relationship and now I find myself backpedaling rapidly when things get 'interesting'. I've been getting the feeling like the relationship won't ever be very serious and makes me feel guilty, which makes me depressed, etc etc. I know Option #1 below would make SO happy, but no clue about the others. I don't SO to think I'm running away if I choose one of those.
I realize that a lot of my personal complications could possibly be helped with therapy but I have NO money, NO insurance, and a history of REALLY BAD head-shrinkers before I graduated high school (one saw me ONCE and tried to put me on lithium, among others) so it's hard for me to even consider that road. I do have three ideas, which are practically mutually exclusive to each other, and no idea which to really pursue.
1: Stay where I am and go to college. I've picked out a likely major I would enjoy, and I'll have my residency next year. Until then I can take a light courseload and get back into the whole 'college' thing. I don't have to pay rent here and have a few old friends that I do things with. My SO is here, but again I'm not sure it'll last.
This is probably the easiest road, and I've applied to the local college. Even if I don't stay, maybe taking a few credits here and there will help me down the road.
2: Move to a state I've never lived in, with a vastly different climate than I'm used to regularly. I have friends there that I've visited and like and would be able to do lots of things with, extended family that I could see. Rent is cheap. The downside is my lack of recent work experience would make finding a job difficult. I can also go to college there as well, and have ideas on a path to take (not a major, but a very useful skill even without a degree and time to decide on a major).
This would be the most difficult, because I won't have much of a safety net if things go bad. I've talked with my local friends and they're super excited just at the IDEA of me moving there. I don't think I'd be roommating with any of them though.
3: Join the military. I've thought about this long and hard, over and over again, for many years, and every time I've started to actually seriously consider it something came up that made me really want to stay where I was. I'd have to leave behind everything for at least a year, but it doesn't get much more 'fresh start' than this. I'm older than the average recruit, little higher education. It's a guaranteed job if I can hack it, but if I go in of my own choice I'm damned sure going to make it count.
This one would get the 'easiest option' vote if I weren't so attached to certain things of mine, and the idea of not communicating regularly with my friends.
I'd welcome discussion on any of this at email@example.com.