How to ask a prickly question about wedding gifts?
May 19, 2010 4:01 PM Subscribe
Prickly wedding etiquette question: We got married a little ways back, had a wonderful wedding, an unforgettable honeymoon, and are now back in the real world again. We're ready to sit down and write our thank-you cards, and have run into a slight... hiccup.
posted by anonymous to human relations (43 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
After tallying all of the cards, registry gifts, and other random knick-knacks and handcrafts that we received, it appears as if two of our very closest friends didn't give us so much as a card.
Now, this isn't about some misplaced notion of entitlement. We're decently comfortable, and won't starve to death for lack of an ergonomic silicone oven mitt. Some of our friends are social workers and community organizers, and we'll treasure the cards they gave us for their heartfelt inscriptions.
These two friends are slightly flaky, sure, but we've known both of them for over a decade, and talk to them on a daily if not semi-weekly basis. One was in the wedding, and the other travelled quite a bit to be here, so we very much doubt this was some sort of passive-aggressive move on either of their parts. Both of them are very successful. One of them even asked us "is a check ok, or do you really want something off of the registry".
I'm mostly worried that this was some sort of mistake or mix up during the chaos of the wedding, and that gifts were lost. The venue had placed a locked gift box on a table during the cocktail hour, and then removed it before dinner was served, and for the rest of the evening people were giving envelopes to us.
So... what do we do? Do we pretend like nothing happened and send generic "thank you for your generous gift" cards? Do we frame it as "things were kind of mixed up and we may have lost your present"?
We've spoken with both of these people since the wedding multiple times, and they were both grateful to be included and very happy for us, so we don't think there's anything untoward going on here. Meanwhile, both my wife and I are very definitely... troubled by what to do with this, and its coloring our relationship with these friends.
Posted anonymously on the (extremely unlikely) chance that either of these two friends could identify us.