My brother just came out to me as being gay. I'm gay too. The problem here is that I'm clueless about how to deal with this. Also, I hate to say it, but my overwhelming feeling right now is sorrow.
I'm using my "real" MeFi name because I think this is that
I've talked about my brother before on MeFi (here
). We have a pretty good relationship, although I live 200+ miles further away than when those posts were written.
Today my brother called me and told me that he had "come out" to my mother and told her (and was now telling me) that he's gay. My mother took it about as well as when I told her (screaming, fighting, threats of damnation and disowning, etc.). My mother is quite religious and views homosexuality as roughly on-par with child molestation or drug abuse. I know full well how hard she is going to be on him.
I guess I'm really surprised at how sad my brother's coming out has made me. I realize that this is probably due to the many unresolved issues that my coming out has created for me. It makes me sad to think of my brother going through all the discrimination, bullying and shit that I've gone through. It makes me so sad, in fact, that I'm finding myself pathetically wishing that he were straight.
The main experience of my "out" life has been one of utter loneliness -- first the rejection that I felt from "normal" society and the subtler but still soul-draining ennui that I found in the mainstream gay male community. I guess you could say that I feel sorry for him because I still feel sorry for myself.
I realize that I'm projecting enormously onto him, and that I shouldn't, but I can really only relate to him through my own experiences. As I've noted before, he's very simple and child-like, and I don't think I'm ready to deal with him as a sexual being yet. To my knowledge, he doesn't even know how to use a condom (he dropped out of high school and got his GED before sex ed, I believe), and I am totally unprepared to have that, or any other talk with him.
It may also complicate matters that he doesn't know I'm gay either. And that I wouldn't even know where to begin telling him that I am.
So, yeah, this is an enormous mess for me. I guess I'm trying to find some direction here, some way out of this. Some way to help him find himself and to deal with this self-loathing that I thought
was gone from my life. I'd also like advice from people who have had to give The Sex Talk to their younger siblings in the absence of a parent. Anybody else ever had to mentor a younger sibling who is coming out? Anybody else dealt with self-loathing?
My internet connection is intermittent so I'll leave updates whenever I can. Thanks.