Best Mother's Day gift for someone whose mother has passed on?
April 25, 2010 2:48 AM Subscribe
What can I get my mother who is grieving over her recently deceased mother for Mother's Day?
posted by wending my way to human relations (13 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My grandmother, my mother's mother, died fairly suddenly over the Christmas holiday. While they weren't the closest of friends (my family is scattered all over the country and my mother and grandmother lived about a thousand miles away from each other and talked once a week), they had been closer in the past fifteen years or so and this came, obviously, as a pretty big blow to my mom. Particularly the suddenness. She's not inconsolable or anything, but she is pretty sad, and she was remarking to me the other day how cruel Mother's Day ads in the stores are for people without mothers, so I know she's kind of dreading the holiday.
I'm going to be visiting her around Mother's Day, in combination with other things I had to do in the area, which is a fairly significant expense, so I can't afford to spend a lot on a gift. I sat down tonight to get some flowers delivered on the actual day (boring, but she likes them), but then realized that it might mean more if I did something "for" her mother, so she would know someone was thinking of her and she's not sad all by herself. (I'll make my brother get the flowers.) What I've come up with so far:
1. Donation to the hospice where my grandmother died. (pro-constructive and needed, con-possibly too big a reminder of the absolute worst Christmas experience my family probably will ever have)
2. Donation to the cemetery association where my grandma was buried. (pro-possibly constructive, con-I'm not actually sure if they need money or not)
3. Paying for a small part of the gravestone, either in lieu of my mom's share, or in addition to. (pro-somewhat needed as she's still trying to get the money together, con-I don't know how she'll feel about it. I don't know if it will feel more like charity because my folks are kind of broke than a "gift"-like gesture.)
4. Donation to something else that my mom cares about, in my grandma's name. (pro-giving money is usually worthwhile, con-my mom doesn't have that many "causes" to give to, feel this might seem weird and disconnected, i.e. "Hey, I just donated $50 to the Humane Society in Grandma's name! Remember how she totally didn't care about them at all?")
5. Sending money to my aunt to put flowers on the grave (pro-nice gesture, con-possibly not the best use of money, especially because I think my aunt has already put some fake ones there.)
I really don't know. I'm trying to empathize, but I haven't ever lost one of my immediate family, so I don't really know what would be the best gesture to let my mom know that my grandmother's still loved and remembered. I'm kind of hoping someone here who's had to go through this chimes in with what they would have wanted/do want done on holidays like Mother's Day/birthday. It's not quite like other holidays, where the worst I can do is get a boring gift - I could very easily make her feel worse, and I don't want to do that.