My girlfriend contacts her ex every day
March 7, 2010 11:24 AM Subscribe
My girlfriend feels sorry for her ex. He contacts her several times per day, she replies because she feels sorry for him. I am paranoid... should I learn to relax?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (56 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Firstly, the guy lives on the other side of the states and cannot visit her often, so I shouldn't worry about them getting physical. I am just worried she is not over him. I have talked to her several times about this.
- She knows I'm paranoid, but she has done a lot to show me she is committed to me.
- She told him that he needs to contact her less "because it bothers my boyfriend".
- She can't tell him she doesn't love him because she is afraid of making him feel bad.
- She told him that she thinks I am the one.
- She usually hides when she's talking to him or waits until I'm not around to talk because she knows it upsets me.
- I've heard her talking on the phone to him a few times, she doesn't talk to him like a friend. He told her he loved her, she didn't say anything.
Soon I will be leaving the country and her and I will go long distance. During that time, he is going to visit her and they will travel together for a month. They have had this plan since before they were dating.
I think he has the impression she is still in love with him, but in fact she just feels sorry for him. I think its unfair to not be straight out and clear with him that she doesn't love him any more, but she disagrees. She can't bring herself to make him feel so bad. She is a really nice person at heart so I can understand this reasoning, but I don't agree with it.
From her point of view, there is nothing wrong and I should think positive. I have tried this, but it just keeps wearing me down (we've been together for 7 months).
I'm just not sure what to do. She has been in contact with him almost every day since they broke up. I've already told her how frustrated I am, but her solution seems to just be to hide her communication with him from me more, which only makes me more paranoid. She also now avoids talking about it with me and usually changes the subject since she is tired of dealing with it. Am I being too paranoid?