Help me get over my breakup
February 24, 2010 8:10 AM Subscribe
Break-Up-Filter: I just broke up with my first-ever boyfriend, of two years. I don't really know how to deal or how to react to people when they bring it up. I feel really awful right now and I've never done this before.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (34 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
We've been dating for over two years. I am 23 and he's in his late thirties. The big reason we decided to end it is because right now, we want different things. He is a serious musician who wants to devote all of his time to mastering his instrument, and is pretty horrendous at time management. I was unhappy with the twice-a-week amount of time we talked / spent together and wanted more. He was unable and unwilling to give me any more time. It's been an ongoing struggle (we've actually broken up once before over the same issue, for about a month) and over the past few days we've both finally come to the conclusion that it isn't worth my unhappiness. It seems especially shitty because when we are together, we are so affectionate and happy and comfortable. It's the time apart that is the issue, and I know it's not going to change. I've tried to be happy with it but I'm just not.
He stayed the night last night and left this afternoon. I've been crying a little, off-and-on for the past few days so my head is puffy and achey. But when he left today, I wasn't out of my mind. I know, I KNOW it's for the best. But as the hours wear on I've gotten more and more tangled up in my mind. I think of myself, sometime in the future, kissing someone else and it makes me sick to my stomach.
I've never broken up with anyone before, he is my first and only boyfriend and I've been with him since I was in college. I know I need to cut off contact, but I am pretty much his only friend and he really thinks that we are going to remain best friends. But, I feel like if I continue to see him (even in a "just-friends" way) I will secretly hold out hope that the timing will change and he will realize that he wants to be with me. Or, that we will fall back into the relationship, because it is so easy and nice. I know that's not whats for the best, but the idea of spending the next three months (or whatever) without contacting him/seeing him at all makes me burst out crying.
And I'm having trouble believing that I will meet someone who is better for me. I never wanted a boyfriend before I met him.
I'm also unemployed right now (whomp whomp) so I have a lot of free time on my hands - which is bad. I'm housesitting for my parents so I will be out of the town we both live in for the next week.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to deal. I took my dog on a long walk today, and I will continue to go on daily long walks. My roommate is great and we are going to hang out tomorrow night. But the idea of telling acquaintances that we are broken up makes me really sad.
I'm sorry this is so long. I've spent the last hour reading old break-up posts and I was just wondering if I could have some guidance on how to get through this. book recommendations? movies? personal experience? I just want some reassurance that this will get better.