Help me become less selfish/self-absorbed.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
All my life, I've been a jack-of-all-trades. I'm good at a lot of things, but I've never really persevered enough to become really great at something. If I think I can do something if I put in X amount of work, then I'm satisfied with just 'knowing' that I can do it if I want, and end up not doing it. Yet, I think that I can do most things better than everyone else, and that I know better than most, even though I've never really tried hard enough to accomplish anything in the recent past. I know that this is not true at all, not in the slightest, and I know that I'm not really great at anything, and yet I seem to have that view about things.
Also, for a while now, I've become selfish when it comes to interacting with people as well, even with my closest friends. If a friend of mine has a problem, I want to be the one to solve it for him/her. While this is not a bad thing in itself, I feel offended if they don't talk to me about it first/don't want to talk about it/don't want me to help in any way. Instead of being an understanding friend who gives them space, I suddenly become overbearing and want to be involved, whether they want me or not. Also, if I make plans with friends, and they get canceled (for whatever reason, even if it is something valid, and/or very unfortunate), I tend to get offended and instead of feeling bad about the reason my friends had to cancel (in case there was a problem that suddenly came up), I feel bad about the fact that the plans were canceled. And I mean, I get really upset about it.
These are just a few examples. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I don't think I was always like this. Over the past few years, I've had a string of people, who have been close to me, just leave without any explanation (or due to unforeseen circumstances), which is why I think I've become like this, even though I never wanted to. Does that make sense? I get really attached to people, and can't take it when they're not around. Also, I've stopped regarding anything as permanent (I don't mean permanent in the sense of 'forever', but even something relatively stable or long-lasting). I'm always looking for ways to 'future-proof' whatever I do. Even with simple stuff like buying everyday things, I question how long they will be around, and start thinking about worst-case scenarios. And I have a need for control in whatever I do. I find it extremely hard to just relax or let things go.
I'm not sure why or when I've become this way, but after a close friend (and girlfriend) recently left my life (for reasons neither of us could do anything about, life just happened), this has become a lot worse, and I'm having trouble dealing with this. I know that the obvious answer is "just get over yourself, shit happens, stop whining, pick things up and move on", and I've been trying (I've had enough practice, that's for sure), but this time something seems broken. Not sure what or why.
Also, I get tired easily these days, and feel like sleeping all the time. Even when I've had adequate sleep (8+ hours/day).
Any help would be really appreciated. How do I become less self-absorbed? How do I just relax, and let things happen? How do I stop being paranoid all the time (even about things that have not occured)? How do I stop getting myself down, even about minor things?