Lowering my wife's expectations in her job search without damaging her and the relationship...
January 27, 2010 8:33 AM Subscribe
Wife is seeking job, but has unrealistic expectations. How to gently redirect without hurting her feelings?
posted by anonymous to human relations (33 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I moved to a new, big city two years ago. Girlfriend in old city stayed behind, then became fiancee, quit job in old city and moved to new city... and now we're married. We're doing OK on my income alone, but would be much more comfortable with a second income.
She feels bad about being out of work (it's been almost a year since she moved here), and has been looking and applying for jobs ever since. The problem is that she has been focusing mostly on jobs that are, in my estimation, a bit out of reach for her.
Specifically, she's very interested in policy, but the jobs she's applying for are primarily filled by grad school types (and while she's very intelligent, she went to a fairly average university and has no advanced degrees or significant policy experience). I think she'd be a great asset anywhere -- she reads a lot and is very impressive in person, but I also think that she is setting herself up for disappointment and frustration if she keeps investing her time and emotional energy in long-shot job applications.
I'd love to have her find something. that makes her happy and gets her a paycheck at the same time.
How can I delicately explain this to her without damaging her self-esteem and opening me up to the charge that I don't believe in her?