Therapy: do not want
January 6, 2010 2:39 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend really wants me in therapy, but I don't want to go and it's tearing us apart.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (63 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
A couple of months ago I moved from another country where I had been living (and loving) because I couldn't find a job and it was no longer legal for me to live there. I had a very happy life there and I miss it every day. I had a very supportive boyfriend who I loved, but the relationship didn't survive the move to a big American city I had never been to before.
Adjusting has been very difficult and I really do not like my job. I make very little money and currently my salary puts me just above the poverty line. I am around rich people frequently and I often wish I could enjoy the city the way they do. I feel demoralized and down a lot, but I'm hoping to get a better job and/or move somewhere else in the future. I view my problems as situational.
A month or so after I moved to the city I started seeing a guy, Sam. Our relationship was off to a good start, but lately I've been having meltdowns here and there where I cry and tell him how much I hate my job and how it's soul crushing. I've also told him about my childhood, which was pretty rough.
I've seen therapists on and off over the years. I saw a cognitive behavioral therapist, who I found very useful, but also 3 other therapists who were pretty much useless and gave terrible advice. Sam's father is a therapist and whenever I get sad he brings up that I should see a therapist. He says that seeing a good one would help me understand and cope with my problems better.
He even had me fill out questions for his dad to get a referral. I have almost no money and struggle to have enough money to eat, I also have no health insurance. I brought up going to a free clinic, but he said that they are almost certainly no good. The referrals I got from his father were for people who charge nearly $100 an hour or more...which thinking about it, made me cry. I don't want to get into more debt.
I recognize I am a little high strung and prone to exaggerate my situation (a la saying my job is soul crushing)...also I am pretty sad about my current life and the one I lost, but I don't feel haunted by my upbringing and I really don't feel like I need to see anyone to talk about my problems. I feel like I am slowly adjusting and things are getting better. In past relationships my boyfriends have dealt with sadness by being supportive and talking with me instead of telling me I need to talk to a professional.
Lately it's devolved to him telling me I am arrogant for not seeing one and in general being contemptuous of me when I am upset. He really believes therapy is the be all and end all of problem solving...it kind of appears to be a religion from my point of view. It's been overshadowing all the good things about our relationship and at this point.
I'm not sure if I should end the relationship, but even if I do, whether to see a therapist. Is an expensive therapist really worth it? Are there any alternatives at all to this?