Marrying a European

January 19, 2005 1:23 PM

How do I find a European to marry? I am a well educated 35 year old woman. I want to move to Europe and become an EU citizen. The country doesn't matter.
posted by Stylistique to human relations (29 comments total)

A dating service can probably match you with European nationalities, including people who are specifically looking for a brokered marriage (assuming you're open to a "just for citizenship" marriage). Of course, you'll be limited to just the people in their client pool.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:27 PM on January 19, 2005

Scratch Denmark off your list because here you wouldn't be able to. There's a strange law in place here, between them the parties of marriage must have 24 years in Denmark before you'd be allowed to stay here.. I forget the actual wording of the law, but at your age, with no Danish stay at all to your name right now (I assume) you'd have to find a 50-something year old man to outweigh that. Then again, older men can be hot. ;)
posted by dabitch at 1:39 PM on January 19, 2005

dabitch, couldn't I just marry a 24 year old Dane? He'd have 24 years in Denmark, wouldn't he?

Pink, I've looked for dating services, but all I find are Yahoo type services or services that are geared toward American men marrying Asian or Russian women.
posted by Stylistique at 1:47 PM on January 19, 2005

Pink, I've looked for dating services, but all I find are Yahoo type services or services that are geared toward American men marrying Asian or Russian women.

Oh yeah, avoid the ones that are specifically geared to finding a foreign spouse (aka mail order bride in most cases). I'm saying set up an appointment at a local plain vanilla dating service (or a reputable online service, not sure of a specific one) and talk to them about your options.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:54 PM on January 19, 2005

Maybe dabitch means 24 years as a legal adult? I had the same thought you did, though!
posted by handful of rain at 1:54 PM on January 19, 2005

No, it's a weird rule, his 24 years wouldn't make up for your zero years, it's oddly formulated "between them". Basically I found out today that I have been thinking the law was like you guys just thought, incorrectly for the past three years. The only exeption to the rule I can think of is this couple. They're out of unmarried princes here at the mo'.
posted by dabitch at 1:57 PM on January 19, 2005

You could start by putting some more info on your user page ;-)

Do you want to get going before you head to Europe or meet someone when you're here? Is this for love or citizenship or both? How are you planning to cope with any languages? Do you have a timescale?

I'd be tempted to recommend heading over for an extended vacation & get involved in some speed dating-type events [example] which you could set up beforehand.
posted by i_cola at 2:14 PM on January 19, 2005

Ok, since you are well-educated, why not get a job overseas? (sorta seconding i_colas Q's I s'pose)
posted by dabitch at 2:22 PM on January 19, 2005

Yeah, this is ridiculously vague. What you could mean ranges from the crass ("I want to settle down with a semi-randomly selected willing man within these coordinates") to the slick ("I want to get into the E.U. by marrying anyone willing to help") to the decent ("I'd like to move anywhere in Europe and find a partner, preferably at the same time")
posted by abcde at 2:23 PM on January 19, 2005

Dabitch must be wrong: my American ex-GF just married a 26-year-old Dane. (I think that if you can convince the Danish gov't that you intend to live in Denmark and have a steady job there you can marry a citizen.) In fact, her experience may be instructive for you: she was a romantically despondent 36-year-old Sex-and-the-City type when she took a job with Lego; a few years later she's living in Denmark, married to and pregnant by a very nice handsome young fellow. They just bought a house.
posted by nicwolff at 2:25 PM on January 19, 2005

Certainly, I'd like to marry for love. However, that may not happen anytime soon. I also want to get into the E.U. and it seems that marrying is the best way to get that accomplished. I have looked at getting a job in Europe, but it seems that they are few and far between for a non-citizen.
posted by Stylistique at 2:31 PM on January 19, 2005

FWIW, most everyone in my brother's circle of friends in Barcelona was American, and there illegally. I think after 5 years of being sneaky you can apply for a change in status.

As for work, they taught English lessons through an employer who didn't seem to mind their not-entirely-legal status. Not a life of luxury by any stretch, but enough to get by.
posted by O9scar at 2:46 PM on January 19, 2005

Look for a US co. with offices in European cities. I've met USians who worked for Nike in Amsterdam, various banks in London etc.
posted by i_cola at 2:49 PM on January 19, 2005

nicwolff, the strange law exists to prevent "imported brides and grooms", ie; arranged marriages. Doesn't sound like your ex was one (had a job at Lego already). It's a really fubared law, and I can't find it in English (or danish for that matter) on the web, but we get to vote in a few weeks so knock-on-wood, we'll get rid of it. :)
since I'm Swedish, the law does not apply to me. uhm. yeay?
posted by dabitch at 2:56 PM on January 19, 2005

You need to find someone who, likewise, wants to move to the US (or whatever country you're in). This way, you both get the benefit, so it avoids any nasty potential blackmail situations, etc.

Also, try for the UK. As far as I'm aware, it's not hard to get into the UK once you've married a UK citizen, as I had a friend who was going to do this. You also have no language barrier there.

Interestingly, I'm trying to get into the US, but this whole concept seems a bit too shady to me.. :)
posted by wackybrit at 3:20 PM on January 19, 2005

aw, you two should tie the knot!
posted by dabitch at 3:25 PM on January 19, 2005

Many countries rules specify that in cases of immigration by marriage the couple are required to provide evidence that they married for love, not a visa. How that's done and the threashold of proof varies by country, of course.

But you may well be expected to provide items such as photos, documents that show a sharing of significant finances, correspondance, etc. Following this route isn't necessarily as easy as some might imagine.
posted by normy at 3:29 PM on January 19, 2005

Unless you are going the shady, mail order husband route, I don't suppose there is a simple sure fire method of finding someone to marry in Europe from a distance. Anymore than there is a simple way of finding someone to marry in, say, Toledo while living in Tampa.

I think you are going to find it much easier on the spot -- either working there, or even just visiting for a relatively short time (weeks or months). You could do research into personals etc. before you leave. On-line personals you could peruse/advertise on up front to get a jump on things, but you may have your own feelings about personal ads.

The other way would be to find a European living/working/studying in the States, and marrying them -- the downside being that they would more likely want to use you to stay in the US, but you might work something out.

My wife was going to summer school in London when I met her in a pub... A summer was long enough to make the relationship stick; I don't think a couple of weeks would have worked the same. And if she had never left the US we never would have met.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 4:06 PM on January 19, 2005

There's always me. I'm pretty desparate.
posted by seanyboy at 6:19 PM on January 19, 2005 [1 favorite has favorites]

Could this be our first MetaMarriage?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:22 PM on January 19, 2005 [1 favorite has favorites]

Wouldn't the personals route not make sense if all she's looking for is a willing partner in getting her citizenship?
posted by abcde at 7:29 PM on January 19, 2005

Marry a European for love. Which variety would most likely suit depends on your background. I'm a native of Michigan and find the Belgians terrific matches in many important ways.

The proof you need usually revolves around joint banking and living together. That's the proof my partner and I have used the past 7 years (combined later with our German gay marriage and domestic contracts). At this point I'm sure its only easier for us as we move together to different places. Maybe someday we'll live in Belgium long enough to get really married. Maybe that will happen here in South Africa soon!
posted by Goofyy at 11:56 PM on January 19, 2005

Lots of USanian dating sites has Europeans in them too. (I can recommend my flatmate) I'm unsure how to apply for citizenships in the various EU-countries, and most of the people from the US or Canada that I've met here haven't bothered applying for a new citizenship.

I know seanyboy has already offered to marry you, and if it wasn't for the fact that Norway isn't a part of the EU I would love to offer myself, and be the first person in a same sex marriage to have an import bride. (Now that would make headlines!)
posted by mummimamma at 12:19 AM on January 20, 2005

How about looking in some of the more upmarket personals? The London Review of Books has a pretty trans-Atlantic readership (look at the first ad here...). Even the New York Review has some Europeans looking for love.

American me married (for love) a Scot. The UK government didn't ask me to prove my love so much as my financial bona fides so as not to become a receiver of public funds. Our having children probably helped to convince them that we were serious about one another.

I think getting over to Europe would be a good start. That's where da money is, after all.
posted by sagwalla at 2:05 AM on January 20, 2005

I'm sure it must be pretty easy for an educated American to find a way into the EU without resorting to a sham marriage. Immigration controls tend to be aimed at keeping people from poorer countries out, not richer countries.

Have you thought about applying for citizenship of an EU country?
posted by salmacis at 2:45 AM on January 20, 2005

I'm sure it must be pretty easy for an educated American to find a way into the EU without resorting to a sham marriage. Immigration controls tend to be aimed at keeping people from poorer countries out, not richer countries.

That's what you might think, but it actually doesn't work that way. Marriage really is the easiest way to acquire European citizenship, assuming you don't have a British, Irish, German or Italian grandparent (all these countries recognize descent by blood down at least two generations).
posted by Goedel at 6:59 AM on January 20, 2005

I'm a native of Michigan and find the Belgians terrific matches in many important ways.

Okay, now I'm intrigued. Why the Belgians? Do they have bigger pee-pees or something?
posted by wackybrit at 11:43 AM on January 20, 2005

My ex-roommate (female) has joint US/Canadian/EU citizenship. People are _always_ trying to get in on that sweet trifecta =)
posted by idontlikewords at 3:49 PM on January 20, 2005

Hmmm, she sounds hot!
posted by wackybrit at 5:02 PM on January 21, 2005