To spawn or not to spawn?
December 23, 2009 7:38 AM Subscribe
I am entering my mid-thirties and nearing crises stage about whether or not have children. Please tell me about your experiences to help me think this through.
posted by anonymous to grab bag (59 answers total) 32 users marked this as a favorite
My whole life I assumed that me having kids was inevitable. There was no question in my mind that I would want them, be great at it, find meaning in it etc. When I met my husband he felt the same way. We would talk about it and have those, "When we have kids we'll do X" kind of conversation.
Now that we're both getting to the age where we should really start, we just can't make the decision to actually do it. We have a harder time talking about it, we're not sure we can handle it, we're worried about/afraid of the reality of it.
We're concerned about how it will affect our lives (sleep, I need it to be a happy person--no, really I *need* it; we would hate to go back to the financial place where we have to count every penny; we don't live near family; neither of us have much experience with babies; etc.) We keep waiting to feel ready and that moment never comes.
And yet we both intrinsically want the experience of raising children. We both feel we would be great parents, we think the kids we raise together would be AWESOME, we can't really picture our lives without them.
Utlimately I think the part I'm afraid of is having a baby, not having kids per se. We got a puppy and although she was very cute when she was young and I loved her, I didn't start liking her until she was about 5 months old and was more than a little need machine. I feel like I'm overthinking this and spinning my wheels. I'm definitely not asking anyone to make this decision for me (!), I just need to get out of my head a little.
Have you or someone you know gone through a similar debate? What happened? Do you have advice about how I should approach this decision?