I'm having a real bad night and pretty bad month or so. I'm trying to stay optimistic but it's so, so hard. Any kind words and support will help.
back in May. I had a few rebounds over the summer which were fun, but now I'm trying to find "the real thing" and its so. damn. hard.
I'm feeling like I made a mistake by breaking up with my ex, even though my therapist (plus many metafites) say it was the right thing to do. I left him because I wanted a husband and someone to have children with, but the thing is, now I have nothing
and maybe I should have just been grateful for at least having a boyfriend. I'm sorry if that sounds dramatic, but I have put myself out there/been on many dates and I'm so burnt out. I just can't seem to connect with anyone anymore and the fact that I'm almost 35 makes me feel like my window is closing FAST. To make things worse, I may have the breast cancer gene because my mom and sister do (I'm not emotionally ready to get tested yet) and it just adds another level of urgency if I want to have a bio kid. It also makes me think about cancer and mortality and I really don't want to go through sickness and/or surgeries without someone.
Sure, I have friends and family who care for and comfort me and all that but for whatever reason its not the same as having a partner.
The fact that I screwed up with every boyfriend I've ever had...I'm nearly hyperventalating right now just writing this.
If you have been and my position and things have gotten better for you, I'd love to hear it. I'd especially love to hear it if you DIDN'T get the life you wanted but are ok anyway..happy even.