Proposing without a ring or with a placeholder ring?
December 21, 2009 6:01 PM Subscribe
My girlfriend is interested in designing her own engagement ring, so what do I use when I propose to her? A placeholder ring? Nothing?
There was a similar question a few years back, but my situation is a bit simpler, I hope. My girlfriend and I have been together for over six years and have already talked about marriage. (It's more a question of "when" than "if" at this point.) Since we're not really into diamonds and she's an artistic type, she'd like to be involved in designing her engagement ring. I'd like to have something when I pop the question, though! Do I go with a simple white gold band, or just propose and head to the jewelry shop the next day?
There was a similar question a few years back, but my situation is a bit simpler, I hope. My girlfriend and I have been together for over six years and have already talked about marriage. (It's more a question of "when" than "if" at this point.) Since we're not really into diamonds and she's an artistic type, she'd like to be involved in designing her engagement ring. I'd like to have something when I pop the question, though! Do I go with a simple white gold band, or just propose and head to the jewelry shop the next day?
I'd do a cheap/simple placeholder like a friendship band or a toy plastic one or something. If she wants to design her own it'll presumably take a while to get it, and she might want something to wear while you're waiting.
posted by jacalata at 6:09 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by jacalata at 6:09 PM on December 21, 2009
Best answer: Lots of jewelers will do a placeholder ring for you, if you commit to going back to that jeweler to have the actual ring made. Bonehead and I did this when we got engaged, and I got to design my ring (bonehead designed his too, in actual fact)
posted by LN at 6:10 PM on December 21, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by LN at 6:10 PM on December 21, 2009 [2 favorites]
When my fiancé proposed to me, he had made a ring out of two paper clips. He'd purchased gold-toned ones and silver-toned ones, and painstakingly straightened two and twined them around each other, then formed the result into a ring. The ring is simple wire, so it can be resized easily on the spot.
I still have it. It's wonderful. We went out after that and bought a real ring.
If you make something like this, make sure the ends of the paper clips point slightly away from the skin of the finger. Be careful, they can scratch skin and get caught on knitted clothing (destroying the clothing). It's fine for just a few minutes.
posted by amtho at 6:16 PM on December 21, 2009 [2 favorites]
I still have it. It's wonderful. We went out after that and bought a real ring.
If you make something like this, make sure the ends of the paper clips point slightly away from the skin of the finger. Be careful, they can scratch skin and get caught on knitted clothing (destroying the clothing). It's fine for just a few minutes.
posted by amtho at 6:16 PM on December 21, 2009 [2 favorites]
My husband proposed with a gumball machine ring (which I also still have). Then we went and bought the ring he was certain I'd love, but he didn't want to buy the wrong size and it wasn't resizeable.
posted by padraigin at 6:22 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by padraigin at 6:22 PM on December 21, 2009
Best answer: My husband proposed to me with a ring I already owned (I didn't even notice it was gone), which I liked, because (a) cheap plastic rings are really uncomfortable, (b) it fit my finger, and (c) it didn't cost us a dime. I say, borrow one of hers, or one that belongs to a relative.
(I designed my own ring, and it is still awesome.)
posted by hishtafel at 6:51 PM on December 21, 2009 [1 favorite]
(I designed my own ring, and it is still awesome.)
posted by hishtafel at 6:51 PM on December 21, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'd vote for the stand-in ring. A heart-shaped mood ring, something you make, one of your own rings, an inexpensive costume jewelry ring with super sparkly "stones" in her favourite colour, or a ring that has some sort of symbolic relevance. Almost anything will be cute and she'll enjoy wearing it until she gets the real one, and probably after, and keep it forever. If you're buying this temporary ring, take one of her rings to the store to compare for size.
Beverly Cleary (well-known children's writer) wrote in her biography that her husband proposed to her with a cigar ring. Some sixty years she still had it. And remember the Cracker Jack ring they used in Breakfast at Tiffany's? If Audrey Hepburn liked it, so will your girlfriend.
posted by orange swan at 6:52 PM on December 21, 2009
Beverly Cleary (well-known children's writer) wrote in her biography that her husband proposed to her with a cigar ring. Some sixty years she still had it. And remember the Cracker Jack ring they used in Breakfast at Tiffany's? If Audrey Hepburn liked it, so will your girlfriend.
posted by orange swan at 6:52 PM on December 21, 2009
Best answer: Etsy has lots of fun rings that would be inexpensive but still nice as a placeholder ring. I did a search for Crystal Ring and then tailored the search to within $10 to $15 and tons came up. You could probably find one for even cheaper. You could also narrow the search down by her favorite color, or favorite stone.
posted by TooFewShoes at 6:55 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by TooFewShoes at 6:55 PM on December 21, 2009
It's about a token, something she can keep to symbolize the proposal but also to remember the moment.
Depending on her personality, something lowkey and silly like a moodring could work, or maybe a necklace? Just something that she can keep around her as a token of the engagement, that she can look at and get all misty over in fifty years.
posted by Billegible at 6:59 PM on December 21, 2009
Depending on her personality, something lowkey and silly like a moodring could work, or maybe a necklace? Just something that she can keep around her as a token of the engagement, that she can look at and get all misty over in fifty years.
posted by Billegible at 6:59 PM on December 21, 2009
Design and build a ring box that you present to her.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:04 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by Thorzdad at 7:04 PM on December 21, 2009
I proposed with a spider ring (do you know how goddamn hard those are to get *after* halloween?). You can only buy them from the carnival supply in bulk, so when she got back into the car with ONE ring, I'd rigged it so there were plastic spider rings *everywhere*.
We've given out the extras to trick-or-treaters.
posted by notsnot at 7:08 PM on December 21, 2009 [2 favorites]
We've given out the extras to trick-or-treaters.
posted by notsnot at 7:08 PM on December 21, 2009 [2 favorites]
I spent $2 in quarters at a machine until I got the huge purple ring from the machine to use as a placeholder while Mrs. Gunn's was being made. She wore it proudly to school where she taught for 4 months. It is now in the safe deposit box. It is worth as much as the real one in sentimental terms. Her parents loved it too. I also ended up with $1.75 (7 items) worth of other trinkets from that gumball machine. Our kids love the placeholder ring too.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:08 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:08 PM on December 21, 2009
An onion ring.
posted by glibhamdreck at 7:16 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by glibhamdreck at 7:16 PM on December 21, 2009
I think that buying her a ring out of a machine and proposing on the spot or some such thing would be cute, and gaudy costume jewelry would be funny (assuming her sense of humor aligns with mine).
I'd suggest, though, spending a relatively small amount of money on a ring she would actually wear as normal jewelry in the future, something like this. Dunno if that would be weird, though, since it's technically her engagement ring and she might feel pressured to wear it more often or something.
posted by R a c h e l at 7:57 PM on December 21, 2009
I'd suggest, though, spending a relatively small amount of money on a ring she would actually wear as normal jewelry in the future, something like this. Dunno if that would be weird, though, since it's technically her engagement ring and she might feel pressured to wear it more often or something.
posted by R a c h e l at 7:57 PM on December 21, 2009
If she will be wearing a wedding band in addition to an engagement ring, you could pick a simpler ring that would be an early-engagement/permanent-wedding ring and switch out for the nicer engagement ring when it arrived. It would also be a nice touch if you designed a simple band or picked out something somewhat unique for the band you choose.
posted by fermezporte at 8:23 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by fermezporte at 8:23 PM on December 21, 2009
Best answer: what about proposing with a really nice sketchbook and pencil set that she can use to design her ring.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 8:25 PM on December 21, 2009
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 8:25 PM on December 21, 2009
Best answer: How about an unset stone? If you know what kind(s) she would like to design her ring around.
posted by Knowyournuts at 8:59 PM on December 21, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by Knowyournuts at 8:59 PM on December 21, 2009 [3 favorites]
Why not just go and have her design the ring and have it made? If she knows it's just a matter of time, its not really ruining the surprise if you go together and get the ring. She can be surprised later by the awesome, memorable and romantic way you propose to her.
posted by mrsshotglass at 9:49 PM on December 21, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by mrsshotglass at 9:49 PM on December 21, 2009 [1 favorite]
Two of my friends had their "legal" wedding several months before their "official" wedding. They didn't have any rings, so when I went out to lunch with the groom at the local diner, I bought them plastic vending machine rings with frogs on them. They were so excited to get them and wear them to City Hall. Then again, my friends and I are dorky like that.
I think it would be cool to: Get one of those old Cracker Jack box rings. Get it engraved at Tiffany with your initials (if they actually provide engraving services for items not bought at their stores), and ask them for a Tiffany cardboard box that you could put the ring in. But that's only because I never got over that college-girl adoration of Audrey Hepburn.
But I understand the interest in a placeholder ring. If you're artistic, you could draw her a ring and cut it out and insert it in the ring tab. Write an inscription on the back, maybe? It depends on what kind of proposal your girlfriend seems like she would want.
posted by brina at 3:13 AM on December 22, 2009
I think it would be cool to: Get one of those old Cracker Jack box rings. Get it engraved at Tiffany with your initials (if they actually provide engraving services for items not bought at their stores), and ask them for a Tiffany cardboard box that you could put the ring in. But that's only because I never got over that college-girl adoration of Audrey Hepburn.
But I understand the interest in a placeholder ring. If you're artistic, you could draw her a ring and cut it out and insert it in the ring tab. Write an inscription on the back, maybe? It depends on what kind of proposal your girlfriend seems like she would want.
posted by brina at 3:13 AM on December 22, 2009
I proposed with a compass ring (like a ring with a little compass on it, she'd always wanted one, go figure). Later, we both went to a metal smith and designed the rings we wanted.
I'm sure you can think of something appropriate, there's no 'standard' placeholder -- choose something she would like, find funny, cute or personal. I know that's not much help (the whole not answering your question part), but I don't think you'll get a good specific answer from someone who isn't you or her!
posted by wrok at 4:23 AM on December 22, 2009
I'm sure you can think of something appropriate, there's no 'standard' placeholder -- choose something she would like, find funny, cute or personal. I know that's not much help (the whole not answering your question part), but I don't think you'll get a good specific answer from someone who isn't you or her!
posted by wrok at 4:23 AM on December 22, 2009
Justmetal.com
What I did was i got my fiancee a ring from there .They are only like $100 or so and are made of titanium and look pretty good.
Afterwards we went out and got an actual engadgement ring.
posted by majortom1981 at 5:32 AM on December 22, 2009
What I did was i got my fiancee a ring from there .They are only like $100 or so and are made of titanium and look pretty good.
Afterwards we went out and got an actual engadgement ring.
posted by majortom1981 at 5:32 AM on December 22, 2009
Response by poster: There are some great ideas here, thanks everyone! You've given me a lot to mull over.
posted by yukonho at 5:47 AM on December 22, 2009
posted by yukonho at 5:47 AM on December 22, 2009
What about a ring on a chain? Hopefully it won't have Lord of the Rings connotations, but even if it does, hey...
Actually, I like this idea quite a lot... can anyone recommend where might sell stuff like that (not LOTR paraphenalia...)?
posted by KMH at 5:55 AM on December 22, 2009
Actually, I like this idea quite a lot... can anyone recommend where might sell stuff like that (not LOTR paraphenalia...)?
posted by KMH at 5:55 AM on December 22, 2009
can anyone recommend where might sell stuff like that
Anywhere you can buy (a) rings, and (b) chains. It's easy!
posted by redfoxtail at 7:27 AM on December 22, 2009
Anywhere you can buy (a) rings, and (b) chains. It's easy!
posted by redfoxtail at 7:27 AM on December 22, 2009
Response by poster: Just to follow up: I proposed with a fancy metal rose that I found on Etsy. The whole thing worked out nicely. We're going to have a good wooden stand made for it. Thanks for all the suggestions!
posted by yukonho at 9:40 AM on September 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by yukonho at 9:40 AM on September 23, 2010 [1 favorite]
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Good luck!
posted by Zephyrial at 6:05 PM on December 21, 2009 [3 favorites]