What's female ejaculate doing to my duvet?

December 10, 2009 11:34 AM

My girlfriend is a prolific (ahem) 'gusher', and I'd appreciate any laundry/bedding tips. Presumably NSFW.

So, I have a newish girlfriend (me being male, btw) who produces a lot of liquid when she orgasms; volume enough to soak through a thick duvet cover and get the mattress soggy.

This is new to me, and sex-wise doesn't bother me in the slightest - what is of concern is quite what effect this is going to have on my mattress, sheets, duvet cover, etc. I've read up what Google has to offer, which is long on analysis of what exactly the stuff is, and short on if this is going to make my (duck feather, difficult to launder) duvet cover start to smell funny after a while, and if my (coloured cotton) sheets are going to get unsubtly bleached patches in the middle, not to mention if my (sprung) mattress is going to get be-whiffed.

She's previously not had orgasms during sex, only when masturbating, which she's done in baths, on towels, or wipe-clean environments, so doesn't really have any relevant advice to offer (except that apparently towels do begin to smell if she doesn't wash them.)

I really don't want to start putting down towels before sex, getting special plastic sheets, or make her feel uncomfortable about her body. (I also have no desire for her to hold back, btw.)

So what I'm after is advice or experience from anyone about likely effects on bedding etc, how to manage or mitigate such things, plus if there are any commercial products to subtly aid absorption, protect mattresses, etc.

(The liquid is definitely different to urine; fairly clear, and no acrid smell that I can detect, and, err, I've never tasted urine, but I don't think it tastes like that.)

(Oblig. throw-away email addy for any correspondence; [e-mail])

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (18 answers total)

Get a mattress pad, for starters.

And get a duvet cover, too. You say duvet cover, but I think your "duck feather, difficult to launder" item is actually your naked duvet. The point of a cover is that it's way easier to wash.

I cannot imagine your girlfriend's discharge will bleach dye off your sheets, unless there's something seriously wrong with her (or if you are sleeping in incredibly cheap sheets, which would probably rub dye off on your skin before she bleached it).

Seriously, just launder your bedding regularly, like normal (sheets once a week, minimum; duvet cover and mattress pad once a month or so), and think no more of it.
posted by peachfuzz at 11:39 AM on December 10, 2009

That'll wreck your mattress pretty quick. Definitely get a waterproof mattress cover. We have one that's some sort of tight-weave polyester microfiber and it seems pretty impervious to anything.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 11:40 AM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I knew someone during college who had this tendency.

Just buy a lot big of cheap white towels from Ikea, and put them down before sex, worked fine for them. Girl in question reported orgasms with both (wasn't present for either) gushing and no, and apparently the gushy ones were better, so comfort your GF with the fact she probably has better orgasms then her friends do.

Sure it's a little annoying and could make someone self conscious at first, but I mean, you have to eventually get over it. I mean if you sprayed semen all over the bed every time you ejaculated, you too would likely take effective precautions to make it so the bed was easy to use for sleep later.
posted by gte910h at 11:43 AM on December 10, 2009

Yeah, just put down a towel, and replace if necessary. As the girl, I always make sure there is a towel down if I think that I'm gonna gush. I usually fold a towel into quarters and put it right underneath myself, so it is thicker and there is more absorbency. I promise you she won't be offended by suggesting that. Nobody wants to sleep on a wet spot, and towels are way easier to wash then all your bedding. How have you been dealing with subsequent sleeping arrangements until now? I would say that is probably all you have to do, besides making sure that the towels get laundered in a timely manner. They will reek if left for a few days...
posted by amileighs at 12:01 PM on December 10, 2009

Yep. Put the towel down before sex. It's how I've always handled period sex, which involves materials far more staining than girl-juice. It's really no different from your traditional condomless "wet spot" just... wetter.

I only gush on my own, but I always have a "safety towel" in place.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:07 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Interesting, I do the exact same thing and I always stop myself right before finishing to avoid the mess, which tends to soak through towels I put down.
posted by biochemist at 12:22 PM on December 10, 2009

Wont help your mattress or your sheets but being under the duvet (or the duvet being elsewhere - like thrown off the bed in a fit of passion ;) ) will protect your feathers from being ruined.
posted by missmagenta at 12:24 PM on December 10, 2009

Having sex somewhere other than the bed is always an idea. As odd as it sounds, cut apart trash bags will work as well. With a large volume and variate distance the bags seem better than other methods. Folding and layering towels in some misbegotten "landing" pad is a pain. Cut a bag or 3 apart, throw a towel or something similar to minimize crinkling in the area you're at. Added bonus being that you don't have to immediately get up and move the towels for fear of them being soaked through.
posted by handle_unknown at 12:32 PM on December 10, 2009

I'm in the same boat, and just do a lot of what's listed here:

1) waterproof mattress cover
2) launder often

I also bought some extra large beach towels that I put between the sheets and the mattress cover. That way I don't have to spoil the mood putting a towel down, but can easily remove the wet part after sex.
posted by coolguymichael at 12:37 PM on December 10, 2009

I'd agree with all of the towel advice, etc., but if you're willing to get a little fancier, you might try the Liberator Throe Blanket. It's made to be extra-easy to clean, and has a slippery satin side, so it might be a little more sensual way to stay cleaner instead of reminding her that she's a human puddle. (But a FUN human puddle!)

I have no experience myself, but all of their shapes are covered with the same type of washable material, and I have friends who have loved them.
posted by Madamina at 12:37 PM on December 10, 2009

Everything that applies when raising a toddler applies here, except you're not dealing with pee. Waterproof mattress covers that go under the sheets are readily available (we use ones from ikea that are admittedly for small beds but work very well, and just rest on the mattress instead of being fitted) and launder often should become your mantra -- but then, that's a good idea for everyone who likes being comfortable in bed.
posted by davejay at 12:47 PM on December 10, 2009

I really don't want to start putting down towels before sex, getting special plastic sheets, or make her feel uncomfortable about her body. (I also have no desire for her to hold back, btw.)

Been there, done that. Since I was normally at her place, she always put the towel down. I think she'd understand. A frank talk works wonders. Just say that the sex is getting the bed damp and you want to put a towel down. You have secretions too and they are a part of it.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:52 PM on December 10, 2009

this thread might be useful.

this is the type of blue absorbent pad that is talked about in there. it can go under your sheets and then you wash the sheets and throw away the pad.
posted by nadawi at 12:54 PM on December 10, 2009

We went to the fabric store and bought several large pieces of the flannel-backed vinyl fabric used for tablecloths (red and white check or Carmen Miranda print optional; we got plain white).

They were cheap and worked pretty well, but the tablecloth stuff did tend to pill over time, so now we use these.

Toss one down before you get busy, with a towel on top. Then when you're done, roll the whole thing up and put it in the laundry. We call them sex tarps.
posted by ottereroticist at 1:41 PM on December 10, 2009

The easiest thing is just to put chux down on top of whatever you're lying on, then throw them out. I'll agree that chux aren't sexy (to most people) though.

While I'm not saying it's pee (or willing to get into that debate right now), because it comes out of the urethra there is invariably a little pee mixed in, and if you leave it to dry on your bed linen it will start to smell. I don't agree with peachfuzz at all.
posted by crabintheocean at 4:14 PM on December 10, 2009

Sorry, for the double - one more idea.

I think you should rethink the towel thing, as it's probably the easiest and least clinical way of dealing with this - you need to use something, and vinyl anything seems more embarrassing than towels.

It might help a lot to buy some nice new towels in an attractive color that you only use for sex, and make them special and sexy by the way you talk about it. Plenty of people use towels regularly for sex anyway, because of lube or oil, because of menstrual blood, or just to avoid any kind of wet spot.
posted by crabintheocean at 4:18 PM on December 10, 2009

She's previously not had orgasms during sex, only when masturbating, which she's done in baths, on towels, or wipe-clean environments, so doesn't really have any relevant advice to offer (except that apparently towels do begin to smell if she doesn't wash them.)

I really don't want to start putting down towels before sex, getting special plastic sheets, or make her feel uncomfortable about her body.

You two have obviously discussed the gushing and she's OK with using towels when solo, so I'm having a hard time guessing what your objection to "putting down towels before sex" is. If she uses towels to protect her bed, why would using towels to protect your bed "make her feel uncomfortable about her body"? It doesn't have to be an awkward, accusatory gesture. It can be part of the foreplay, where the towel has sexy associations: "Should I get you a towel?" or "Whoa, I think we might need some towels tonight!"

If she's been soaking the duvet, start by getting it thoroughly cleaned according to the manufacturer's directions. Then round up a supply of moisture-proofing/absorbing materials: towels, Fascinator Throe, chux, puppy pads, whatever you and your girlfriend both find acceptable.

One tip that I've figured out since starting that thread: a sufficiently dense wool blanket will actually resist small spots of moisture. It's not enough on its own, but if you're looking for normal bedding that you can keep on top of the bed to protect it when she soaks through the towels or squirts past the edge of the chux, see whether you both can tolerate the wool. (It's too scratchy for some people.)
posted by LBS at 5:36 PM on December 10, 2009

i have a mattress cover made of Gore-Tex-- it's waterproof but breathable.
posted by sninctown at 8:24 AM on May 8, 2010