when the sex towel is not enough

September 10, 2009 11:35 AM

Preventing the wet spot, if by "wet spot" you mean "oh my god I just made Lake Michigan on your bed": a NSFW question about bedroom hydrodynamics.

Female ejaculation. It happens. Sometimes in grand style. So, we use sex towels, but there are times when they aren't enough. On a good night, I can soak a bath towel, and the moisture goes right through to the sheets and the mattress.

I bought a Fascinator Throe (reversible velvet/satin sex blanket with moisture barrier in the middle) from Liberator, and it is a good invention, but it's not the perfect solution. The moisture barrier keeps fluids from soaking straight down into the bed, but even on the velvet side there's only a thin layer of absorbent material on top of the moisture barrier. This results in two problems: 1. Someone ends up with their butt wallowing in an inch-deep puddle, which is unpleasant and leads to interruption of the festivities. 2. Sometimes the puddle runs over the edge of the Throe and starts soaking around to the other side.

I'm starting to think that a bath towel on top of the Fascinator Throe is the likeliest solution, but I'm hoping that the good people of AskMe will have even better ideas. If you have champion Skene's glands, what has worked for you?

I've seen this previous question but the question and many of the responses (tissues? TP? hand towel? ha.) seem to be aimed at solving a different problem. I'm not asking about post-coital drips, I'm asking about mid-coital gushes.

posted by LBS to health & fitness (15 comments total)

They sell these blue absorbent pads at medical supply stores for the incontinent, etc. My wife used them post-partum and during childbirth to soak up blood. They work well. You could always just put them under the bedsheets on top of the mattress are they're not very sexy. But they do absorb stuff though I'm not sure how much liquid we subjected them to.
posted by GuyZero at 11:41 AM on September 10

They sell rubber sheets in kink stores online. While you may not want a tall glass of watersports and aren't into the kink aesthetic, you can always put your regular fuzzy bunny bed spread over it and wash the whole thing when you are done.
posted by munchingzombie at 12:06 PM on September 10

Shamwow? Holds 12 times its weight in liquid
posted by bravowhiskey at 12:39 PM on September 10 [14 favorites]

i second the rubber sheets. they take a little planning (if you aren't wanting to sleep on them every night) but i hear they're the perfect barrier. i knew a girl (no really!) who would put down the rubber sheet, and then another absorbent towel, like the blue medical pads that are being talked about. with both of them together, she finally was able to save her mattress. i know another squirter who uses one bed for sleeping and one for fucking so she doesn't have to plan with the rubber sheets (they just stay on the fucking bed all the time, changed after coitus of course).
posted by nadawi at 12:47 PM on September 10

Just get a waterproof mattress cover, the kind you put on kids beds when they are potty training. They make nice ones that don't crinkle much and have a comfortable top surface. You will never know it is there.
posted by caddis at 1:30 PM on September 10

Yeah, waterproof sheets or mattress cover, with your regular sheets on top of it. You'll forget it's there quick enough. Mattresses are a major pain to clean.
posted by rokusan at 3:29 PM on September 10

Thanks for all the suggestions so far! You're helping me think of solutions beyond the sex towel (medical supplies, undinist supplies, separate sex bed). I might even try the Shamwow.

A mattress cover may be in order as a long-term solution to protect from over-spillage. I suspect, though, that a waterproof mattress cover under regular sheets will present the same pooling problem as the Fascinator Throe. So I'm still open to more ideas for things that will a) be comfortable to have sex on top of, b) soak up a lot of liquid or otherwise keep it from pooling around us, and now that I think of it, c) be easy to toss onto the floor so that we can have some not-too-soggy cuddle time before moving on to the laundry phase of the evening.
posted by LBS at 4:24 PM on September 10

I'd go for layers on the mattress: mattress protector, fitted sheet, layer of towels, then another fitted sheet. You can take off the top fitted sheet and towels when you need to, then have the first fitted sheet right there so you don't have to worry about re-making the bed.

You could go for an additional layer of towels, if that helps.
posted by corey flood at 4:57 PM on September 10

Instead of the absorbent pads for incontinent people, consider puppy housetraining pads. Same product, but much cheaper at the pet store. But one problem with any kind of disposable pad is the backing is made of plastic, which is good for protection, but which also makes a decidedly unsexy crinkling sound.

Definitely look into a [probably expensive] well-made mattress cover. The cheap ones make a crinkly vinyl sound (drove me nuts while trying sleep, but during sex may not be noticeable to you?) Anti-allergen mattress covers might be a good bet. The one I have also protects my mattress from the occasional spilled drink or dog piddle.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 6:04 PM on September 10

LBS writes "So I'm still open to more ideas for things that will a) be comfortable to have sex on top of, b) soak up a lot of liquid or otherwise keep it from pooling around us, and now that I think of it, c) be easy to toss onto the floor so that we can have some not-too-soggy cuddle time before moving on to the laundry phase of the evening."

It sounds like the Fascinator Throe is a good solution except for not being large enough and not being absorbent enough. It would be pretty easy to either sew or have made a custom job consisting of diaper liner, cloth diaper material and what ever outer covering you prefer. The diaper liner stops things from soaking through, the diaper material avoids the swimming pool effect and the cover is mood setting. Careful choice of cover material would keep the ensemble machine washable.
posted by Mitheral at 7:33 PM on September 10

We use a regular mattress pad with two of those wet-the-bed waterproof pads (end to end for length, not on top of each other - they're maybe 2 feet by 3 feet). They don't crinkle at all. I prefer them to a waterproof mattress cover because you can reach under the sheet and take them off without undoing the bed if you need to. And we keep a stack of towels next to the bed. Depending on how you ejaculate, you may be able to use one folded up into quarters - that would be thick and very absorbent. Of course, if you go for distance you may end up sleeping with wet feet...

I have dogs so I wouldn't use puppy pads because they're scented so dogs will know to pee on them. If you're ever going to have a dog in the house, don't go that route. If you're looking for a disposable option, you could try chux, although you'd still need a towel because they're not that absorbent. Same for puppy pads.

One of the surprise benefits of getting a bigger bed was that the wet spot was less of a problem once there was more room to avoid it. Oh, and we got used to sleeping a towel.

Good luck and have fun!
posted by smartyboots at 8:40 PM on September 10

The pet supply store is your friend: untreated puppy pad and washable artificial sheepskin mat.
posted by tangerine at 10:16 PM on September 10

Many good ideas, thanks!

smartyboots, yes, king-sized beds are good . . .
posted by LBS at 8:36 AM on September 11

What about a sleeping bag, unfolded so the inside flannel sleepy part is on top, and the waterproof (water resistant?) side is down? I would imagine one would be highly absorbent. Plus they'd be quite comfy. Downsides are you would have to have a very large washer (or handy laundromat) to wash one, and they take a while to dry.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:22 PM on September 11

In case you are still looking for ideas, I came across this the other day at Petco: PoochPad. The mid-size (20"x27") has lasted all week for my little Pomeranian, who usually goes through 3-4 of the disposable pads in that time. It is quite soft, and doesn't smell like anything noticeable to me.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 1:15 PM on September 20