I need help dealing with "unknown", especially in personal issues. I have an intense desire to know why something is happening, what someone's explanation is and I wind up a big ball of anxiety while overthinking it. I want to know how to be comfortable with just "not knowing", and how to be comfortable with the resulting feeling of not being able to control the situation.
This latest bout of stress is based on romantic relationship stuff, but I do this whole worrying/overthinking thing in other situations too. My marriage ended because my husband just didn't love me and didn't want to be married to me anymore. He couldn't tell me why, couldn't give me a reason (literally, he just said "I don't know")...he just didn't want me anymore. I asked him over and over again for any sort of explanation, but I never really got one. So I spent a lot of time trying to analyze and figure it out to no avail. I wanted to know what I did wrong so that I don't repeat the same mistakes again (I'm assuming I have control in this situation...even though I probably don't).
Currently, there's a guy I'm interested in and we've been talking for a while (we live 5 hours apart so don't physically see each other very often). He and I have a lot of history together and he has said he wants a relationship with me but he needs to deal with some issues first (which is true...he does need to get mentally pulled together). I thought things were going pretty well overall, but for the past 3 weeks I haven't heard a word from him. I've sent a couple of texts and left a couple of messages but never got a response. Tonight he did respond to a text saying that he lost his phone a "while back" and wasn't able to afford a replacement until yesterday. I texted back asking him to call me so we could catch up...and there's been no response.
So...I have no explanation for the silence over the past 3 weeks. I understand work gets in the way (he can't always have his phone with him) but I'm not sure I'm buying the whole lost phone explanation. Even though we don't have any official ties to each other, I'm getting closer and closer to just walking away from him, but it seems like I can't let myself go without knowing why. Once again, I keep telling myself that if I know what his explanation is, I would feel better about the whole thing. Maybe he's just not into me, but if I knew why he wasn't into me I could somehow do something to improve for the next time.
This has had me tied up in knots over the past week. Right now my entire life feels out of control, and I'm desperately searching for some way to have control over something meaningful. I don't know what's next for me, I'm still struggling with getting more comfortable with my new "singleness"
, although I thought things were getting better. I've just been utterly overwhelmed and paralyzed the past few days (again).
So, the question is: What can I do to be able to handle not knowing/the unknown, and what can I do to learn how to be OK with not feeling in control in these types of situations?
(I do have the next two days off with no commitments so I have time to do some intensive thinking/writing/exploring if you want to suggest something specific for me to focus on)