How do I stop worrying in the beginning of a relationship?
August 1, 2007 4:40 PM Subscribe
How do I stop worrying in the beginning of a relationship? (example provided)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
First thing is that I have A LOT of anxiety about relationships!! I take things too seriously, and it is very hard for me to "wait and see" or to just let things happen. I guess this becomes a neurotic pattern where my fear of the relationship failing sometimes causes things to go south. I think this has to do with the fact that I never had a father. Without any positive male role models on my life, I get very nervous in relationships with men.
Here's a typical example. I have been seeing this guy for several weeks. In the beginning he came on really strong--saying that he had no question about wanting to be with me and seeing me 3 days in a row during the first week! We were basically inseparable from day one. Because things were moving so fast (i.e. going so well) I got really nervous and was afraid to disappoint him or to have it crash and burn. So I told him that I liked him a lot but that I wanted to get to know him more slowly--to see each other a couple times a week and slow it down a bit.......Since then I'm feeling mixed signals and wonder if he's less interested in me. He's been a lot less consistent--a couple of times he canceled plans with me at the last minute but we are still seeing each other maybe once every week or two although he doesn't really call me.
Long story short, I ALWAYS feel that people are rejecting me. So this may just be a pattern for how I interpret things. At the same time, I feel like this guy has pulled back so much that I'm not getting as much attention as I would like to get,
How do I figure this out? I don't want to be unreasonable or demanding, and realistically I know I'm a very anxious person, yet it drives me crazy when someone cancels on me for flaky reasons more than once because it’s disappointing and makes me feel like my time isn’t valued. I am blaming myself because I feel like my worries early on steered the relationship off course--I was just too scared that things would crash and burn if they moved too quickly...but now I'm wondering if I made a mistake by putting the brakes on. How do I know if I'm seeing the situation accurately (or feeling "rejected" when it's not really happening?). What do you think about this guy's behavior toward me? How can I chill out and not scare people away with my relationship anxiety?