Is the cure baby aspirin? Because I'll take some .
November 12, 2009 5:55 PM Subscribe
Baby Fever... The biological clock is ticking hard. While I realize it is totally natural, and I know that eventually I want children, how do I calm the hell down? I feel such a huge sadness when I think that it might never happen...
posted by anonymous to human relations (34 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
The stats: 29 year old female, single. Lots of dating experience, long term and short-term-fun-times. I feel confident in who I am, and the cool little life I'm making for myself. Gainfully employed in a fun industry I love. Have yet to meet a man I feel I want to marry and/or have kids yet. Ideally, those things would go together.
There's been other questions in AskMifi in regards to "holy crap where did this baby fever come from, I dont want kids??!!" I've always wanted kids. But at this point in my life, the desire seems overwhelming and crippling. I have babysat a lot, I have friends and co-workers with children, and I love spending time with them. I know it is not nearly the same thing as having your own, but even on that level - I feel a huge longing after being with the kiddos. I know that when/if I do have kids, it isnt a picnic.
This is the only thing in my whole life where I feel like I am on a deadline. If someone could just tell me "oh, dont worry, you will have kids when you are 31" I'd stop worrying about it. I don't even want them right now, next week or even possibly next year - I still enjoy my freedom, I work a ton, I dont have the finances quite yet, and... I havent met that guy yet.
I'm just really facing this overwhelming dread that it is never going to happen. To compound matters, a striking number of adult, childless females in my life keep telling me that I should just get knocked up by whatever guy I'm with. These are strong, beautiful women with great minds, careers, lives... yet they say this with almost a desperation in their eyes that, as you can imagine, does not help that dread.
It hasnt gotten to the point where I'm actually thinking about just getting knocked up, but it does color a lot of my thinking - Am I in a job where I can have kids in the next few years? (Good future thinking) Are any of these guys I'm dating have any father potential? (Not bad future thinking) Should I just pick one to hurry up, marry, get knocked up by and see what happens? (Not... so good.) Everyone keeps telling me how great I am with kids, and when am I going to have my own... I know they mean well and it is a compliment, but it just evokes this huge sadness in my heart, a fear that it will never happen. Any advice for combating this?
Note: I do not equate wanting a kid with absolutely having to have a kid. I'm not just going to get pregnant and have a baby because then everything will be happy and rainbows will fly across the sky with unicorns. I realize there are many elements of my life that have to come together to support a healthy, happy parenthood.