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September 5, 2009 5:52 PM Subscribe
2 weeks out from my wedding, and future mother-in-law is creating drama about future father-in-law's partner, who is roundly despised by all involved.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (66 answers total)
I'm a bride 2 weeks out from my wedding, which is happening on the opposite coast. As one might expect, I have plenty of little details to take care of before flying out in a little more than a week.
FMIL is awesome and I love her. FMIL and FFIL's marriage was broken up by an evil, life-draining harpy (ELDH), who was FMIL's friend at one point. FFIL realizes he made a mistake, and has never married the ELDH.
ELDH is a real bitch. She's passive aggressive when sober, openly aggressive when not. Out of courtesy to FFIL, she is invited to the wedding. I plan to ignore her. FMIL's stated plan was to ignore her. ELDH is not going to ruin my wedding. However, now it seems like FMIL is going to let her relationship with ELDH create awkwardness.
FMIL and FFIL, respectively, are arranging / paying for the rehearsal dinner, a 40-person catered affair in the yard of our rental house. I had planned the seating arrangements so that bride, groom, moms, dads, partners, sibling would be sitting together at a table. The rehearsal dinner, in my mind, is an icebreaking affair where the important people in the lives of the bride and groom are able to mingle. Our parents have not all met prior to the wedding.
This is what I received from FMIL on the subject:
I don't wish to put a wrench in your plans, however, I was unaware you were having a seating plan for the pre-wedding dinner. I am hosting this party and won't be sitting with ELDH. I thought I made myself clear about our experience after baby N's birth. I don't bend in this direction anymore. I would prefer to sit with my sisters, my son N & family and K's family.
I will not be sitting with ELDH. If you go back in the emails,you will find my clear and present statement on this subject. ELDH can sit at "table #1 "- I won't be there. Everyone is used to me just sucking it up , sorry if it rocks the boat. I have spent too many years trying to not cause a problem for my children , now they are old enough to to realize that sometimes what they ask is too much.
This not only screws my plans for seating, meaning I'll have to spend time juggling everyone so that she can sit where she wants, but it screws me and FH into sitting with the Evil Life Draining Harpy. Without the buffer of FMIL, her partner, her son and his wife. Talk about a bad time!
Not only that, but this makes me think that the WHOLE WEEKEND is going to be awkward because of how FMIL dramatizes her relationship with ELDH.
I don't have time to worry about this, and she needs to get over herself. Or she doesn't, but then she's going to create unnecessary drama at her son's wedding. But how to tell her this? Right now, I'm thinking twice and saying nothing. But the wedding is in 2 weeks!
How do I handle my FMIL? Her anxiety and drama are really whipping me up into a frenzy.
How do I handle the ELDH? She is guaranteed to drink too much and say something rude. Can't I just un-invite her?