What's a single (dormed) girl to do?

August 6, 2009 2:07 PM

How does a naturally introverted girl adjust to college life while living in a single dorm her freshman year?

This September I'll be starting college at a small private liberal arts school. I'm a natural introvert, and so was looking forward to having a roommate in order to give my social life that much more of a jump start (as discussed heavily in this question). However, I learned today that I'll be living in a single. I'll be living on a floor with the other members of my first-year seminar, so I won't be totally alone, but I'm still terrified that I'm going to end up retreating into my room and find myself eating alone and never socializing. How do I get past this and make friends?

(To be clear, I have already met quite a few people through our class's Facebook group, and my best friend so far has already offered to hang out with me, but I'm sure even he will end up spending more time with his roommates. But this might just be paranoia.)

posted by punchdrunkhistory to human relations (42 comments total)

Be the person that organizes. 'hey guys, wanna grab dinner?'

I had a single once but found that everyone ate together anyway. Dorm roommates = drama anyway.
posted by k8t at 2:10 PM on August 6

When in your room, keep your door open if you're willing to hang out. Others might begin doing the same, and pretty soon you've fostered a community on your floor where everyone hangs out with each other.

Also, make your room into something that most people would be comfortable hanging out in. Since it's the only space you're going to have it has to function as both your bedroom and an entertaining space. Keep that in mind while decorating.

The first year in college people naturally gravitate towards hanging out and it's really nothing like high school. I'm sure you'll do fine, just stay confident!
posted by scrutiny at 2:10 PM on August 6 [9 favorites]

Don't close your door. Seriously, especially on the freshmen halls people walk around looking for stuff to do and people to hang out with. You don't have to specially advertise that you want to hang out with someone.

Even if you're just watching TV someone is bound to come by and and ask what you're doing.

I did 2 years in the dorms where people kept the door open and 2 years where people kept the door closed. The open door years were a lot more fun. A lot more spontaneous things happened. It just felt so much more open and friendly.
posted by theichibun at 2:12 PM on August 6 [2 favorites]

I'm also an introvert and was in a similar situation to you. I ended up having a single for my first semester freshman year when my roommate dropped out the second week of school. She left her microwave and fridge though, and I had the only printer on the hallway. My room became the hall's lounge and her former bed became the sofa for anyone who wanted to come, hang out, heat up some food, print things, or play tetris on my computer.

We also all tended to spend a lot of time hanging out in the hallway, just sitting on the floor and talking and ordering pizza late at night. It was a huge amount of fun and I made wonderful friends that way.

For a start, leave your door open as much as possible when you're in your room, even if you're studying. It makes you approachable and says "Even if I'm a little introverted, I'm not terrified of you and you can drop in and chat."

And if you see someone sitting on the floor in the hall, join them and suggest pizza.
posted by hydropsyche at 2:14 PM on August 6 [1 favorite]

nthing your door open. Unless the ladies' floor is somehow different than guys, the open door is a sign that you want people to stop by. I would assume that "first year seminar" will give you lots of shared discussion topics that will allow you to build rapport with people.
posted by mmascolino at 2:15 PM on August 6

Unless you actually want to be by yourself, hang out in the common room and kitchen. When I was in dorms, the kitchens were always the chatty spaces.
posted by Kurichina at 2:16 PM on August 6

Too late to request a room change? Often there are people in doubles who have roommates that bail at the last second. Might be worth just a call to the housing office.
posted by meta_eli at 2:17 PM on August 6

Nthing leaving your door open.

Also, have a good DVD collection and keep it out in the open where people can see what movies you have, because at least for me one of the main entertainment activities in the dorm environment was getting together to watch movies.
posted by burnmp3s at 2:19 PM on August 6

I don't know how many other people on your hall will have a single, but that you do could be a great ice-breaker -- lots of questions about how/why you have it, etc. And that could be great. You could become the room where people go to escape their roommates.

Keep your door open, like others have said, even if you're just hanging out watching TV or reading or whatever.

If there's communal bathrooms, that's also another way to socialize. (I'm assuming, since you're in a single, it's not part of a suite.)

I was introverted in high school (I still am now) and I found college to be a revelation for me. I'm not sure what size college you'll be going to, but college is a pretty social place. Don't worry about making friends -- it will happen.
posted by darksong at 2:19 PM on August 6

The easiest thing you can do is to open your door when you're in your room (and not, say, sleeping). I lived in a single my freshman year and you will meet so many more people if you just leave your door open when you're around. If your door is shut, you'll miss all those random hallway conversations that come up. Leave your door open and you can jump right in. For dinner, most every night you'll hear a group of people looking to go to dinner and you can go with them. Or just wander into the lounge around dinnertime and ask if people want to go. Rarely ever is a big group of people from your dorm going somewhere a private event. If you see folks going to dinner or a party or wherever, asking if you can come with is almost always ok.

Honestly, it's far better than having to deal with a roommate I think. Also go hang out in the lounge if you have one near your room and you'll meet lots of people as they go by or stop in to hang out too. Just bring some work you're doing and sit out there instead of in your room.

Basically, if you retreat into your room and shut the door and only come out when you absolutely have to, you can, in time, send a message to everyone that they should have nothing to do with you (I'm looking at you, weird WoW playing kid who lived down the hall from me freshman year!). If you put yourself in a position where you're physically around, you'll do stuff. If you're introverted, it's hard to take that first step sometimes, but if you're just right there, it pretty much happens for you. Everyone is making friends and meeting new people at the same time.

Finally, do make friends in your dorm and enjoy them, but realize they don't have to be perfect BFFs for you. I'll be a senior this year, and I rarely ever see the vast majority of the people I live with freshman year. However, if I hadn't met a couple of them, I wouldn't have the friends I have now. I'm still glad for the ones I don't see anymore really, even the folks I didn't really like at all, because they were company during freshman year, people to go to dinner with, etc... Basically, put yourself out there, go with the flow, and life will basically take over from there. Enjoy your freshman year!
posted by zachlipton at 2:24 PM on August 6

Another vote here saying to keep your door open and make your room welcoming as much as you can.

Organizing activities is a great idea. If that seems intimidating, start with small stuff by talking about the zillions of little tasks you have to do (getting your ID, picking up books, walking around the afternoon/night before classes to locate all of your classrooms), and see if anyone wants to go with you. Also, in those first few weeks, don't be shy about asking if you can get in on plans that are in the works. If you'll have a car, ask around and see if anyone wants to go on a Target run (seriously, EVERYONE wants to go to Target when they've first moved in). At the dining hall, don't rush to be first in line -- hang back a bit, and then ask to join a table that has folks you recognize from your residence hall.

Remember that even the extroverted folks are nervous about the new environment, and making a good impression. Hopefully that will relieve some of your stress!

Keep your single, though, if you can. Roommate assignments are a crap shoot, and there can be wild drama, and I'm guessing that about 3 months in you'll be glad to have a space to retreat to.
posted by amelioration at 2:29 PM on August 6

I worked nights at the front desk of my dorm. Best way to meet people ever.
posted by desjardins at 2:35 PM on August 6 [1 favorite]

Everyone wants to be super social freshman year, especially during the first couple of aweeks to come by your neighbor's rooms and say "hey!, anyone want to go get lunch? oh and btw I'm in a single so please come get me/instant message me/call me when you're going out anywhere, otherwise I'll miss out on things!" If you're nice and not annoying, people will be glad to have a bigger group of friends to hang out with. Do this with a few neighbors, figure out which ones you click with more, and soon you'll be friends.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 2:36 PM on August 6

Open you're door AND join some clubs. Find a club you're interested in and BAM - you and and bunch of people already share an interest.
posted by doorsfan at 2:39 PM on August 6

Just remember that everyone is in the same place you are - don't be intimidated and get into the mindset that the "cool kids will reject you and already have friends anyway", because everyone is freaked out and everyone has to make new friends. It might seem like cliques form right away, but there's always room for more. My group of friends lived together and we're all pretty close, but some of the funnest people within this group are new roommates who showed up a year after we all met.

You might feel like you have to meet your entire future social circle right away, and you're doomed if you don't, but you have plenty of time. 4 years, probably. It definitely took a few months for me to feel comfortable. Don't be afraid to change social groups if you don't like how things are going.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:41 PM on August 6 [1 favorite]

Nthing what everyone else says: keep your door open, join some clubs. I made ALL of my friends in school from the radio station, and many of them remain good friends. I would like to add, as a person who roomed with many people, a single is a blessing. Hang on to it, because you were learn to love the privacy.

Lastly, try to remember that everyone is terrified. I started college three years late, and far from feeling worldly and learned from my years living on my own, I felt out of step and isolated. Going to school is scary, but you'll find your people.

Good luck!
posted by orville sash at 2:46 PM on August 6

I wouldn't recommend switching rooms. If, as an introvert, you find yourself having some problems spending a lot of time with people (not saying you will), a door you can close is often your best friend. Still, I'd Nth propping the door open, hanging out in the lounge (even with a laptop when doing homework), and finding friends whose doors you can knock on when you want to get lunch.

The whiteboard-on-the-door trick is also a great way for people to leave you messages and set things up when you're out.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 2:48 PM on August 6

If you're on a hall with people in your freshman seminar, I wouldn't worry about switching. You will probably have plenty of opportunities to hang out, and you'll be glad to be able to shut the door and get some privacy when you need it. First of all, your hall is a hang-out space. Open door, open-ended questions ("hey, so how's it going?").

Second, mealtimes are hang-out times -- this is a bit trickier because it requires a small amount of coordination at the start of each semester. When you're meeting people in all the freshman orientation activities, find out if people are going to be in classes with you. You can also ask if people have similar lunch/dinner times to you. Suggest, "hey, I was going to go over to dinner around 5:30, want to meet me at the table by the back windows?" or whatever. For the first week or so, a lot of people (even very outgoing people) will want to do this kind of advance set-up to be sure they have someone they know to eat with! If you drop by your room before dinner, see if anyone on the hall wants to walk over with you.

Third, when you're going somewhere, ask if anyone wants to tag along - "I'm heading over to the library, anybody else going that way?" "I was going to go down and watch the game, wanna come?" No big deal if everybody's busy, but if you establish this kind of routine it will become reciprocal among the people who get along on your hall. They'll drop by and invite you to do casual things with them. (Be sure you say "yes" sometimes, or they will stop asking.)

The nice thing about dorm life is that it's SO easy to get a group together to do something. Just be open to this kind of invitation ("we're going to play frisbee, wanna come" "sure, I don't really know how to play though" "no problem, we can show you") and you'll soon find yourself with more invitations than you can accept.

(Also - just a warning - if you're someone who gets depressed when they're isolated, and if you tend to isolate yourself, keep an eye on that tendency! Schedule activities that require you to leave the dorm. And if you find yourself in a rough situation (like you've been in your room for a week, skipping class, feeling bad), tell someone - your RA, your freshman sem professor, the campus counseling center. This is a pretty common thing freshman year, because it can be lonely at times, and nobody will be angry at you -- the only solution is to ask for help. At a small private school there are TONS of resources available to help with problems like that.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:49 PM on August 6 [1 favorite]

Keep your door open, and listen to music you like. I made friends in college from that one trick that are still my best friends.

Also, listen for music you like.

Bonus points for knocking and being invited before coming into a room...even if the door is open.
posted by hal_c_on at 2:59 PM on August 6

Take a doorstop with you on day one and establish the precedent of leaving the door open.

I lived in a single my freshman year. A fairly sociable guy who had lived in dorms at prep school propped open his dorm on move-in day and only closed it the night before an exam. The rest of us adopted the same habit eventually.
posted by jefficator at 2:59 PM on August 6

Being without a room-mate can be fantastic. My first year friends were really jealous of our friend who had a double to himself after an early-year room-mate swap had him sharing a room that felt way too small with a really, really, REALLY smelly guy. Of course, not all room-mates are smelly jerks, but people will envy you. You could find someone who you suits your personality and might be in a bad match-up (party-all-the-time room-mate, for example), and swap early on.

Don't be afraid to drop by people who have their doors open. Study in public places, or if you can't really study, read or start some game up that others could join. Force yourself to talk to class-mates about the classwork and set up study groups, even if you don't think you need the help. You might be helping another introvert get through the class.

Is there any kind of orientation program? If so, push yourself out there during that time. Everyone is nervous, because it's a brand new situation for everyone, and the orientation program is the peak of that.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:03 PM on August 6

A friend grew up very introverted (he literally didn't speak to another person in school until 3rd grade), but ended up socially blossoming our freshman year, despite living in his own single. He had visitors all the time throughout the day, and some people would even stay in his room and study while he was out at class or dinner, etc, waiting for him to come back. I don't think he was ever as intentional as you about meeting new people, but there were a few small details about his place that welcomed others in:

1. He always had his door open or unlocked (he had a heavy desktop PC. I'm sure with a laptop he would have just chained it to his desk and left his door unlocked all day anyways. We did take advantage of this once to hilarious effect by rearranging his room and taping all his belongings to the ceiling with masking tape while he was gone.)
2. The room smelled good and clean, not like a "guy smell"
3. He had extra furniture (bean bag chairs) and a clean carpet for visitors to sit
4. He had extra blankets for people to use if they felt cold or wanted to take a nap in his room
5. He stocked up on all kinds of packaged goods--Kudos bars, Twizzlers, jars filled with candy, Poland Spring water bottles, Snapples, etc. that he let people take
6. He generally played mellow soundtrack, orchestral, or jazz music in the background. Nothing too loud to disturb other people
7. He became really good friends with his next door neighbor. Whenever she had a visitor, she would naturally introduce them to my friend.
8. He turned his desk so it was perpendicular to the doorway and people would see his side as they walked by his door. (If you have your back facing the doorway, people will always think you're busy, and if you set up your desk so you directly face the doorway, people get intimidated.)

Most of all though, he was just a swell chap and an easy guy to get along with. He gave and let others borrow from him cheerfully and never demanded favors in return. People WANTED to be in his presence because they were very comfortable around him.

Keep in mind that though freshman year is one of the most exciting times in your life to explore and meet new people, it's ok if not everyone wants to be BFF with you or even likes you right off the bat. That's something I struggled with for my first year and eventually came to understand as perfectly natural and common to everyone. Shrug it off and keep being your friendly, generous, quirky self. Sincerity is what matters most, and people will see through you quickly if you are faking it in the quest to acquire friends. I think it might actually be better that you don't have a roommate because he/she would have resented you for trying to "use" them to better your social life.

Meeting, making, and keeping friends is in your hands. Carpe diem!
posted by chalbe at 3:05 PM on August 6 [2 favorites]

"He turned his desk so it was perpendicular to the doorway and people would see his side as they walked by his door." This is great advice. I've never thought about it before, but my desk was set up this way, and I made one of my best friends because she lived in the room across the hall and we could shout at each other from our desks all the time.

If by introverted you mean that, like me, you need time alone to refresh and recharge, don't feel that you must keep your door open all the time. But try to schedule your alone time for the times when the dorm will be low key anyway -- times when people are in class, or mornings before 10 or so.

The people you live with will probably be your best friends for at least the first semester of school (if not far longer). But don't be afraid of branching out either -- you may find that you'll always feel close to your freshman hall, as though they're family, but in time you'll grow closer to people whom you meet through shared interests and activities.

Finally, I'll give you the advice that was given to me when I started college, a few moons ago: the first night (hell, the first five nights), no matter how tired you are or how much you feel like staying in, go out. People are much more open and friendly during the wee small days of freshman orientation, especially upperclassmen.
posted by telegraph at 4:11 PM on August 6

nthing what everyone else has said re leaving your door open.

But also, be sure to put yourself out there and try different activities. Visit different clubs, go on outings, and generally try to take advantage of what your college offers. I suspect that you'll very quickly find a group of friends that share some common interest with you — and at least in my experience, they'll end up being friends that you'll have for a long time, versus friends that you have only because you all got shoved into the same dorm together. (Which is not to say that roommates don't sometimes become really good friends, but if they do it's really just luck. None of mine ever turned into close personal friendships, although they were all good people who I liked very much as roommates.)

The people I still talk to and keep in touch with from college, years later, are the ones I met through activities and clubs. I'm not saying that it's not worth getting to know people in your freshman dorm, but don't be too let down if you don't have a ton in common with them; instead, seek out people that you really share something with besides just having happened to start college the same year.

Most of all: have fun, try not to stress out, and keep in mind that what you get out of college depends mostly on the chances you let yourself take.
posted by Kadin2048 at 4:18 PM on August 6

I haven't been a freshman in college in a long time but I will say this: freshmen travel in packs. At the beginning of the school year there are shoals of them all over the campus I used to work on. Orientation generally has activities and you'll meet people there. Pretty much everyone is open to meeting people in the first few weeks. You'll also have classes where you'll interact with people outside of your dorm - suggest a study group with someone who looks cool. College is one of the best places to be social ever.

I shouldn't mention this now but once you've left college it actually gets much harder to meet new people.

I was quite shy when I started college. I also had a single room. Things I remember doing the first week of school: playing ultimate frisbee with a bunch of people who started banging on people's doors in the middle of the night demanding that we all get up and play frisbee, helping people put together furniture and hang posters (my mom suggested bringing a small tool kit as a way to meet people - she was right), finding other people on my hallway who were taking the same large freshman classes together and walking to class/getting lost on the first day. Try a bunch of things.

You will get dragged out by the other people who live nearby. Let them.

Good luck and have fun
posted by sciencegeek at 4:37 PM on August 6

Nthing having your door open with music playing. My freshman year, our RA actually took everyone on the floor (Yeah Bissell Three) down to the river near school to get rocks to use as doorstops.

Also, don't be afraid to put yourself out there during the first few months of freshman year. Remember that everyone else has exactly as many friends (zero) as you do on day 1.

Finally, if you're in to this kind of thing and it's not going to get you busted by campus police or your RA, get an upperclassman to buy cheap booze, get some mixers, and host some chill pregaming cocktails in your room on Friday and Saturday nights. I did this my freshman year and it was a cool way to meet people and encourage floor bonding. I might not do this if it just turns into people slamming shots to get wasted before going out, but my floor took it pretty easy and got to hang out a bit in my room before heading out to brave the frats.

_{I met some of my best friends in the whole world on my freshman floor. You'll do great. Good luck!}
posted by Aizkolari at 4:59 PM on August 6

Everything everyone else has said. I'm an introvert, and I find that I really, really need time to recharge between spending time with people again. But that first week or two, even if you think you'll go insane, say yes to everything and seek out new people and new stuff. You can recover and recharge after people are used to inviting you to things, and you'll be all set for the year. Just keep telling yourself the too-much-socializing is only temporary. :-)
posted by zeek321 at 5:07 PM on August 6

I am an introvert. As a freshman at a small liberal arts college, I unexpectedly ended up in a single after several months of weird-Threes-Companyish-roommate-switch-a-roos. I managed to make tons of friends and become very involved on campus. Two things.

Your first year seminar group? Yea, I had something similar going on and they very quickly became very important people in my life. I met my sophomore roommate and my freshman year boyfriend in my first year seminar group. Years later, I still talk to EVERYONE who was in my seminar group. They design those stupid activities with bonding in mind. Like, you WILL bond with those people, damnit. So, embrace the stupid freshman seminar activities. You'll have fun and make friends if you go with the flow.

Most schools have a little fair at the beginning of the year where you can learn about student groups. My lifelong best friend and I went to that fair during our freshman year of college and loaded up with activities. Going to group meetings kept us busy and out of our dorms. Over time, we stopped attending certain organization meetings and fully committed ourselves to others. Years later, we held leadership positions in many of these groups.

I also recommend hanging out outside to meet people. Most small liberal arts school have awesome campuses and students gravitate to the outdoors. Seriously, at my school? There was always a group of kids tossing around a frisbee, a group of kids quietly reading or doing their homework, and a group of kids playing the guitar and smoking hookah. You WILL meet people outside.
posted by SkylitDrawl at 5:26 PM on August 6

If you have a TV, invite people over on the nights when popular shows you like are on to watch with you.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:59 PM on August 6 [1 favorite]

Other than don't close the door:

Never eat alone. Anytime you want to go and get something to eat, knock on every door and ask if anyone wants to go with you. A great number of my closest friends in college, I met in the dining hall.

Don't try to do work in your room anyway. If you're going to *work,* work in the library. For me, living areas quickly became too social to ever get any work done. Also, seeing the same people in the library is also a good way to meet people - work study students working circulation, that guy who always sits next to the window, etc.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:59 PM on August 6

Hi fellow introvert. I had a single second semester freshman year. Ditto on all the other advice about keeping your door open and being tidy and all that good stuff.

If you can, try and find out what other activities people are in. (My RA actually suggested people putting their schedules outside their doors so in case of emergency, others would know if you were unaccounted for or at class.) At my campus, dinner ran from 430 to 7 and there were different times people with nighttime activities would go to dinner, so if you know what people have certain activities, you can generally guess what time they're going to head out.

(For instance, at my school, choir and band people always went to dinner right at 430. So if you wanted a group to go with, those were the peeps to find at around 415 when they were all trying to gather up.)

If you have night classes, find other people on your floor who are in the same time slot of class (or heading to the same building for whatever reason), to walk with.

Find some interesting campus parties/activities to go to. Look for the funny posters or listen in on the gossip. That's how I wound up meeting some of my best friends now (several years out of college), by walking by in a superhero costume for a party and having a few other girls ask 'where are you going and can we come with you?' We all wound up moving to this other awesome floor and lived over there for the next 3 years. (Not a sorority, just a group housing thing.)

Also, I'm not sure how your campus does things, but you may wind up with a roommate after all. At my college, if you had a single (and weren't paying the extra fee), ResLife could stick someone in there at any point in time. Just FYI.
posted by sperose at 6:15 PM on August 6

I think you'll look back on this thread and giggle at the thought that you won't meet people in a dorm. I'm ten plus years out of school, but still remain friends with many people from my dorm floor. I was in the wedding party of one friend from my dorm last year and am meeting another for lunch tomorrow (who is now married to a guy from our dorm too). That said, I never hit it off with my actual roommate, so I don't think much would change if I was in a single dorm. Fret not - my first year in a dorm was one of the best, and I think the same will be true for you.

You'll also meet people outside of your dorm too.
posted by backwards guitar at 6:26 PM on August 6

I was very shy and had a rough go of it my freshman year. Two things that I think would have made it better: (a) make the effort to make friends. Invite the whole floor to your room for drinks or to watch movies in your room. Everyone will be in the same boat so they'll probably be very happy for the invite. (b) join a lot of clubs ( I would even recommend rushing if they have that at your school.) You'll be fine. Have fun!
posted by bananafish at 7:07 PM on August 6

>" but I'm still terrified that I'm going to end up retreating into my room and find myself eating alone and never socializing"

that just isnt going to happen. Trust me, the only reason you can say that is because you're not yet in college. College makes that quite impossible. College is a giant crowded playground and sandbox. You simply wont be left alone for long no matter what you do. You'd have to be the lone gunman misanthropist type to pull off that kind of isolation in college, and it doesnt sound like thats what you are.

You'll see soon enough.
posted by jak68 at 8:26 PM on August 6

Thanks so much for your advice, everyone! After thinking it over and reading through this thread, I'm really sort of looking forward to having a single. I've marked a lot of best answers here -- primarily the ones that provided (the first instance) of particularly good advice -- but please note that every comment was invaluable.

I'm definitely, at this point, planning to leave my door open through all of orientation! (And, apparently, the rest of the semester.) My room is 14x7, so I'm not certain that I'll have enough room to entertain that many people, but my floor has a lounge at each end -- so at the very least I'll have some public space to meet people! I'll also have a work-study job, so that should help me meet people as well.

In any case, it seems like leaving my door open and joining lots of clubs will be a great way to transcend any shyness I might feel. Thank you again!

(And if anyone has any more advice to offer, please don't hesitate!)
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 8:43 PM on August 6

I'm sort of uncomfortable with the pure sentiment here—that you sort of have to throw yourself on people or else magically attract them to your dorm room in order survive college.

I found it much more cooler, much more attractive, in a person when he or she wasn't really wound up trying to impress others.

Yes to hanging out, and yes to bonding: but if you can work on yourself first, making your life meaningful—or whatever—independent of the judgement of your peers, then I guarantee you: others will seek you out.

And not because you're lonely, but because you're awesome.
posted by trotter at 4:47 AM on August 7

Most of the friends I made in college didn't live in my dorm - many didn't live on campus at all. Yes, the very first friend I had happened to be my roommate, but then we each made friends outside of the room (at work, in classes, from other clubs and activities) and introduced each other to them. I'm sure the culture is different at every school, and maybe where you're going things are more dorm-centered, but in my experience more friends came from other activities. I would also guess that since you're living in a dorm with a freshman-specific program, there will be a lot of activities and things arranged for you, designed to get everyone out of their shells and mingling.

As for mealtimes, I would often end up eating lunch with people from the class I had right before lunch, or meet people for dinner before going to the evening class or activity we all participated in.

If you're worried about becoming too introverted, sign up for as many activities as you're interested in (don't worry about dropping out later, as you become more involved with some things over others - everyone will be doing this). As others here have mentioned, when you join a club, you have an instant group of friends (or at least acquaintances) who you know already share an interest with you. And as you start taking more classes specific to your major, you'll form bonds with others in your program because of your shared experiences and probably intense coursework.

By the end of my college experience, most of my friends were either a) people in my major who I spent a lot of time with in long studio classes, b) Brothers in my (co-ed) fraternity, or c) people I met while playing in the band (which I quit after my junior year). I was still friends with a couple people I knew solely from living in the dorm, but mostly my former dorm-mates and I had lost track of each other as we got more involved in other interests.
posted by LolaGeek at 4:57 AM on August 7

After reading this thread, I really envy you, punchdrunkhistory. Every time you have that introverted "Man, meeting people is so awkward" moment, think about yourself in ten years. Will you remember the moments you asked people to go to lunch or a movie or something and they gave you a look? No. Will you remember the dozens of people you still keep in contact with and have all kinds of interesting jobs all over the country (or world) and are willing to let you crash on their couch for a weekend whenever you want for the rest of your life? Yes, and you won't trade them for anything.

Have fun.
posted by Plutor at 5:10 AM on August 7

There are always lots of parties and socials where you can go to meet people and have a good time. Don't have any expectations, just start showing up to these things. They're usually well advertised via posters and whatnot. Soon enough, your room may end up being that place where you stop to sleep for a few hours between classes and really cool activities. :)
posted by Citrus at 7:19 AM on August 7

I am really late to this thread, but allow me to chime in: You are fine. In fact, you're going to be better off than if you had a roommate. And here's why:

Your room will quickly become the "sanctuary" for the other students with roommates. There will always, always be people coming in to say "AAGH MY ROOMMATE IS DRIVING ME NUTS, can I study in here for a bit?" Welcome them.

You'll also get the "sexiled" students, whose roommates have kicked them out of their room for the night so they can have sex with their new boyfriend. Bonus points if you get a small couch or futon so the sexiles can crash in your room for a night.

Trust me, you will not lack for friends AT ALL. You'll be swimming in them because you yourself will not have an annoying roommate who blasts Metallica or has B.O. or stays up until 4 AM making out with their boyfriend. They'll all come to you for a little peace and quiet. Enjoy your first year!
posted by castlebravo at 3:18 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

My room is 14x7, so I'm not certain that I'll have enough room to entertain that many people

Oh, you'd be surprised. I think that's about the size of the singles in my first year dorm. I was in a double, but the people in the singles still managed to entertain, even if just for movie nights. Four people on the bed, another 4-6 on the floor. My double was really just about twice the size, and at our first party, we managed to fit 50 people in there at one time.

Like everyone else said, you'll be fine. Just resist the urge to hole up in your room. The only people I knew who had real trouble making friends freshman year were the people who just didn't socialize: there was one girl on my hall who basically ate all her meals in her room, and spent most of her time watching TV in there, and then complained to her roommate, a friend of mine, how she wasn't making any friends. I felt bad for her, but at the same time, it's not like anyone was shunning her, she just refused to engage.

One thing I do want to warn you about, however: it's completely natural for these freshman year friend groups to change and shift over the course of the year. I remember thinking, when I got to college and started making friends, "ok, these will be my friends all through college!" Because that's the way it always is in books and movies. But really, things evolve a lot over the course of the year, as people get involved in different things and meet new people. Don't take it personally when that happens, just know it's part of the process. Get involved in your own stuff - college is a really great time to experiment with different interests and activities.
posted by lunasol at 3:27 PM on August 7

Thanks guys! You've all been a big help. Marking this resolved for now.
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 11:06 AM on August 8