men's pants problem
July 30, 2009 11:12 AM Subscribe
new full length mirror has revealed that I'm showing a bit more of myself than intended in my dress clothes (with a recent switch to boxer shorts)--advice??
I was advised by my doctor to wear boxer shorts for a medical issue, but found out recently (via a new full length mirror installed in the mens room at work) that I can see a bit of an outline of my "parts" visible in my pants. I'm a male. I dress conservatively, dress pants or suits. This may not be as obvious as I think, as no one has mentioned anything to me, but then again, would anyone warn me? Is this just the way it goes, and I never noticed? My pants are the correct size, not tight--would pleated pants do better? I can't switch my whole wardrobe at once, but I can start changing over as money allows. I don't want to be the guy who dresses inappropriately at the office. I work mostly with women, if that makes a difference.
I was advised by my doctor to wear boxer shorts for a medical issue, but found out recently (via a new full length mirror installed in the mens room at work) that I can see a bit of an outline of my "parts" visible in my pants. I'm a male. I dress conservatively, dress pants or suits. This may not be as obvious as I think, as no one has mentioned anything to me, but then again, would anyone warn me? Is this just the way it goes, and I never noticed? My pants are the correct size, not tight--would pleated pants do better? I can't switch my whole wardrobe at once, but I can start changing over as money allows. I don't want to be the guy who dresses inappropriately at the office. I work mostly with women, if that makes a difference.
Could you post a photo of yourself? Not like, a close-up crotch shot, but just an overall full-length shot so we can assess how noticeable it might be to an unbiased party? Generally speaking, the goods are sometimes slightly visible, but only if you're really, really looking for them.
posted by booknerd at 11:15 AM on July 30, 2009
posted by booknerd at 11:15 AM on July 30, 2009
Of the women you work with, is there one, or more, that you feel OK about getting their opinion on this? I also know that women discuss this amongst themselves at work, the, um, attributes of male co-workers. So if you know any of them well it might be worth it to find out whether you have been the object of any such talk.
It's impossible to tell whether this is just in your head, or whether it's a real issue.
I think, with most dress pants, the fact that we (guys) have something down there is evident. Hard to tell if it's out of the norm in your case. Pleated pants would help, as would thicker (100% cotton) boxers.
posted by Danf at 11:21 AM on July 30, 2009
It's impossible to tell whether this is just in your head, or whether it's a real issue.
I think, with most dress pants, the fact that we (guys) have something down there is evident. Hard to tell if it's out of the norm in your case. Pleated pants would help, as would thicker (100% cotton) boxers.
posted by Danf at 11:21 AM on July 30, 2009
Asking your female co-workers -- even if they are your friends -- questions about your penis is not a good idea at all.
posted by nitsuj at 11:23 AM on July 30, 2009 [31 favorites]
posted by nitsuj at 11:23 AM on July 30, 2009 [31 favorites]
Secret glances at all the guys around me have revealed that suits actually don't reveal too much, or at most you get a hint of something that could also just as easily be a weird fold in the cloth. I'm fairly certain that unless your pants are unusually tight, most people are probably going to assume that if they even see anything, they'll just think it's a fold in the cloth and leave it be.
Also, unless you're in a very unusual working environment, people probably aren't even going to be looking at your crotch area in the first place, and if they are, whether or not they can see your giblets is probably the least of your problems.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:26 AM on July 30, 2009
Also, unless you're in a very unusual working environment, people probably aren't even going to be looking at your crotch area in the first place, and if they are, whether or not they can see your giblets is probably the least of your problems.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:26 AM on July 30, 2009
I'm with nitsuj. Do not go down this path.
I would however try this experiment with someone close to me that I haven't told about this issue. Ask them if they see anything wrong with your outfit. Don't let on about what you think is wrong.
posted by advicepig at 11:27 AM on July 30, 2009
I would however try this experiment with someone close to me that I haven't told about this issue. Ask them if they see anything wrong with your outfit. Don't let on about what you think is wrong.
posted by advicepig at 11:27 AM on July 30, 2009
Yes, some women talk about this and other things. Out loud, casually, as people walk by. I was just treated to a brief interlude, on the way to lunch, of hearing a group of unfamiliar women discuss, amongst other things, the fact that a colleague's breasts have shrank noticeably with some weight loss, "but she was never all that well-endowed, anyway." And on to some gent's package.
No, you shouldn't ask them. On a scale from 1-5, exactly how much are you showing?
1) Can tell that you have something besides a flat triangle in the crotchal area?
2) Can separate out the trolley from the boxcars?
3) Can tell if you dress to the left or to the right?
4) Can distinguish individual testicles?
5) Can tell if you are circumcised?
If you're at a four or above, yes, that's a problem. One or two, I would have a hard time seeing an issue. Three is a bit borderline.
posted by adipocere at 11:31 AM on July 30, 2009 [4 favorites]
No, you shouldn't ask them. On a scale from 1-5, exactly how much are you showing?
1) Can tell that you have something besides a flat triangle in the crotchal area?
2) Can separate out the trolley from the boxcars?
3) Can tell if you dress to the left or to the right?
4) Can distinguish individual testicles?
5) Can tell if you are circumcised?
If you're at a four or above, yes, that's a problem. One or two, I would have a hard time seeing an issue. Three is a bit borderline.
posted by adipocere at 11:31 AM on July 30, 2009 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: I am not sure if it is always visible, but I saw it. I haven't had a boner at work (thank heavens my teenage years are behind me), so its just the average every day kind of thing I'm worried about. I'll try to figure out a picture soon.
Danf, you have described what I am talking about--it is evident something is down there. I'm not talking a Tom Jones situation. I'll definitely look for some thicker boxers--the ones I have are a sort of t-shirt like material. the only women here I feel close enough to ask are also women I supervise, so I can't ask them this type of question without going into dangerous territory.
posted by midwestguy at 11:32 AM on July 30, 2009
Danf, you have described what I am talking about--it is evident something is down there. I'm not talking a Tom Jones situation. I'll definitely look for some thicker boxers--the ones I have are a sort of t-shirt like material. the only women here I feel close enough to ask are also women I supervise, so I can't ask them this type of question without going into dangerous territory.
posted by midwestguy at 11:32 AM on July 30, 2009
I also know that women discuss this amongst themselves at work, the, um, attributes of male co-workers.
*blink* Seconding TPS's data point that this is very much the exception rather than the rule. I don't even discuss the attributes of my BOYFRIENDS with my closest FRIENDS, much less the attributes of co-workers whom I don't know.
I would say that the fact that your co-workers are discussing other co-workers' genetalia is more of a reflection on these co-workers' manners than it is on your male co-workers' wardrobes.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:33 AM on July 30, 2009 [5 favorites]
*blink* Seconding TPS's data point that this is very much the exception rather than the rule. I don't even discuss the attributes of my BOYFRIENDS with my closest FRIENDS, much less the attributes of co-workers whom I don't know.
I would say that the fact that your co-workers are discussing other co-workers' genetalia is more of a reflection on these co-workers' manners than it is on your male co-workers' wardrobes.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:33 AM on July 30, 2009 [5 favorites]
One imagines, ThePinkSuperhero, that the OP is not concerned about co-workers realizing he has a penis so much as co-workers feeling (as he put it) that he's "the guy who dresses inappropriately at the office". His situation is probably most analagous to a woman pondering the relative obviousness of an undergarment showing through clothing or, more directly, cameltoe.
But probably you're just noticing a normal pants-parts situation, midwest guy. Consider that the lighting in the men's room may also be accentuating things (e.g. with concentrated pot-type lights versus more diffuse lighting elsewhere in the office).
On preview, good thinking, don't ask a female suburdinate about this. For that matter, dont' ask a female co-worker of any kind... get a consult from someone you don't work with at all.
posted by onshi at 11:34 AM on July 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
But probably you're just noticing a normal pants-parts situation, midwest guy. Consider that the lighting in the men's room may also be accentuating things (e.g. with concentrated pot-type lights versus more diffuse lighting elsewhere in the office).
On preview, good thinking, don't ask a female suburdinate about this. For that matter, dont' ask a female co-worker of any kind... get a consult from someone you don't work with at all.
posted by onshi at 11:34 AM on July 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Adipocere has a pretty good scale. In my experience, a surprising number of guys are at a 3. As in, most of the people I work for that don't wear horrible unfashionable or ill-fitting pants. I find that once I started looking for it, I can't stop.
Would your doctor allow you to wear boxer-briefs? They make the whole package a little more...constrained... but not as much as briefs do.
posted by muddgirl at 11:36 AM on July 30, 2009
Would your doctor allow you to wear boxer-briefs? They make the whole package a little more...constrained... but not as much as briefs do.
posted by muddgirl at 11:36 AM on July 30, 2009
In all seriousness this is probably something you should ask a dude, same as you would tell a female coworker to notify another female worker that something embarrassing is happening with her appearance.
I'd either ask your friendliest male coworker or a friend outside work if these boxers make you look big. Other idea... if you have another doctor appointment coming up soon, ask your doc. S/He's cool with genitalia.
posted by Redmond Cooper at 11:38 AM on July 30, 2009
I'd either ask your friendliest male coworker or a friend outside work if these boxers make you look big. Other idea... if you have another doctor appointment coming up soon, ask your doc. S/He's cool with genitalia.
posted by Redmond Cooper at 11:38 AM on July 30, 2009
What kind of place do you work?!?
A school district. I know a bunch of female elementary teachers. And yes, based on many Friday-after-work get-togethers, I stand by my observation.
As for the advice I previously gave, it's probably not good, and for sure not good with people you supervise. Unless your Steve Carell.
posted by Danf at 11:43 AM on July 30, 2009
A school district. I know a bunch of female elementary teachers. And yes, based on many Friday-after-work get-togethers, I stand by my observation.
As for the advice I previously gave, it's probably not good, and for sure not good with people you supervise. Unless your Steve Carell.
posted by Danf at 11:43 AM on July 30, 2009
Response by poster: I would say it is an "able to tell which side I dress to" situation, so a three on the Adipocere scale. I just switched from boxer briefs, and it is possible that part of my self consciousness here is due to the change in fit.
Onshi, you are correct--I just don't want to have any connection to the look of the old Saturday Night Live skit with the "wild and crazy guys". The lighting in the bathroom is indeed a ceiling mounted canister light versus more sunlight and indirect light in the rest of the office.
posted by midwestguy at 11:43 AM on July 30, 2009
Onshi, you are correct--I just don't want to have any connection to the look of the old Saturday Night Live skit with the "wild and crazy guys". The lighting in the bathroom is indeed a ceiling mounted canister light versus more sunlight and indirect light in the rest of the office.
posted by midwestguy at 11:43 AM on July 30, 2009
No one has mentioned this, but -- is it possible your suit pants are just too tight?
(Preemptive apologies if this is dumb--I'm a female whose male SO doesn't even own a suit...but it's abundantly clear (to me) when it's time for him to go up a size in jeans or shorts.)
posted by scratch at 11:58 AM on July 30, 2009
(Preemptive apologies if this is dumb--I'm a female whose male SO doesn't even own a suit...but it's abundantly clear (to me) when it's time for him to go up a size in jeans or shorts.)
posted by scratch at 11:58 AM on July 30, 2009
I know a bunch of female elementary teachers. And yes, based on many Friday-after-work get-togethers, I stand by my observation.
Oh, I don't think that you are incorrect in the fact that you observed that. I'm just skeptical that it is true of every office.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:11 PM on July 30, 2009
Oh, I don't think that you are incorrect in the fact that you observed that. I'm just skeptical that it is true of every office.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:11 PM on July 30, 2009
Response by poster: No apologies needed, Scratch. I think everything is sized correctly. Waist bands fit, and the fabric seems to be loose enough and drapes correctly in the seat and thighs.
Well, as always, I appreciate everyone's advice and input. I think I will not worry about a picture, and instead go with thicker material boxers at least until I can get a male friend or think of a female (non work related) friend to give eyewitness advice. I think I was just feeling a bit exposed due to the combination of changes in clothes and a new view of things.
posted by midwestguy at 12:25 PM on July 30, 2009
Well, as always, I appreciate everyone's advice and input. I think I will not worry about a picture, and instead go with thicker material boxers at least until I can get a male friend or think of a female (non work related) friend to give eyewitness advice. I think I was just feeling a bit exposed due to the combination of changes in clothes and a new view of things.
posted by midwestguy at 12:25 PM on July 30, 2009
How high do you hike your pants? Try a pair with a lower crotch.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:30 PM on July 30, 2009
posted by Sys Rq at 12:30 PM on July 30, 2009
Consider going to a tailor for an opinion - they would know how a suit should drape.
posted by lakeroon at 12:33 PM on July 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by lakeroon at 12:33 PM on July 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
I am internet-diagnosing you with a little insecurity about your new underwear situation and the underlying medical reason for the recommendation. And the weird perspective of a brand-new mirror.
Also, just nthing that for the love of all that is good and holy you should not ask female coworkers if your penis is showing. Actually, I think you'd be better off asking a male friend anyway, rather than a women. Lacking a biological penis of our own, we don't really necessarily know how it's all supposed to drape down there, and are usually too polite to stare at appropriately-dressed men to have a basis of comparison.
posted by desuetude at 1:26 PM on July 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Also, just nthing that for the love of all that is good and holy you should not ask female coworkers if your penis is showing. Actually, I think you'd be better off asking a male friend anyway, rather than a women. Lacking a biological penis of our own, we don't really necessarily know how it's all supposed to drape down there, and are usually too polite to stare at appropriately-dressed men to have a basis of comparison.
posted by desuetude at 1:26 PM on July 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Where did you buy your suits? Go there and ask one of the salesmen. They look at suit-pants-covered crotches all day, and could tell you if your situation requires attention.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 1:57 PM on July 30, 2009
posted by SuperSquirrel at 1:57 PM on July 30, 2009
The darker the pants, the less noticeable any potential outline. I'm pretty sure you are overthinking this unless you are hung like a porn star. The only male-crotch-in-dresspants I ever notice is my husband's. (Bikers in spandex don't count ;)
posted by desjardins at 2:03 PM on July 30, 2009
posted by desjardins at 2:03 PM on July 30, 2009
Is there a man on or about your same level at the company who is quite well dressed (everything fits perfectly, probably has his clothes altered for him)? If so, he's probably thought about this, at some point had to ask someone about it or had his tailor specifically (if tactfully) speak of it with him. He's probably approachable (perhaps moreso if he's gay). "Hey, you're a guy who obviously knows how to dress...can I ask you if these pants fit right? Those articles in GQ are pretty clear on how they should hang in back, but never say anything about the front, y'know....?"
posted by K.P. at 3:50 PM on July 30, 2009
posted by K.P. at 3:50 PM on July 30, 2009
I also know that women discuss this amongst themselves at work, the, um, attributes of male co-workers.
You "know" this from where? I've worked in a variety of work environments from casual to corporate settings with people of all ages and have NEVER even ONCE heard women discussing the bodies of their male coworkers.
And asking female coworkers whether they can "see anything" is a good way to get a quick trip to HR. Don't do it.
Perhaps you are fixated on an issue that no one else notices. I suggest you ask your trusted male friends to advise you on this matter.
posted by Piscean at 4:12 PM on July 30, 2009
You "know" this from where? I've worked in a variety of work environments from casual to corporate settings with people of all ages and have NEVER even ONCE heard women discussing the bodies of their male coworkers.
And asking female coworkers whether they can "see anything" is a good way to get a quick trip to HR. Don't do it.
Perhaps you are fixated on an issue that no one else notices. I suggest you ask your trusted male friends to advise you on this matter.
posted by Piscean at 4:12 PM on July 30, 2009
Are your pants lined? Some of my boyfriend's dress pants have satin lining to about the knee area (maybe a bit higher) and those ones just generally sit better everywhere they need to fold or bend. It's a combination of the extra layer of material giving thickness and the slipperiness of the lining fabric, helps even out the folds and obscures whatever is going on underneath. I imagine it's something a tailor can put in if it's not there already, or is something you can look for in future trousers.
Alternatively maybe shiny boxer shorts would have the same effect? I'd imagine that thicker cotton ones would just add to the bulk and the bunching rather than help whereas shiny would make the outer layer just slip over. It's another thing you could try anyway.
Pleated pants would probably also help but they're so ugly. It doesn't sound like you're in problem territory anyway (really, anyone staring at your crotch gets what they deserve, it's not common or polite behaviour) and I'm sure you can improve the situation to make yourself feel more comfortable without resorting to the ugly.
posted by shelleycat at 4:58 PM on July 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Alternatively maybe shiny boxer shorts would have the same effect? I'd imagine that thicker cotton ones would just add to the bulk and the bunching rather than help whereas shiny would make the outer layer just slip over. It's another thing you could try anyway.
Pleated pants would probably also help but they're so ugly. It doesn't sound like you're in problem territory anyway (really, anyone staring at your crotch gets what they deserve, it's not common or polite behaviour) and I'm sure you can improve the situation to make yourself feel more comfortable without resorting to the ugly.
posted by shelleycat at 4:58 PM on July 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: For female MeFites (and male ones who haven't made this switch), the situation that MWG is describing would be analogous to a woman switching from regularly wearing a sports bra that not only kept the "girls" relatively motionless but also gave good nipple coverage to wearing a thin camisole with no bra. I've made the tighty-whities-to-thin-boxers switch, and although things aren't as close to eye level as they would be for women, it feels a lot different. In particular, the fact that things are sort of swinging around and brushing against cloth can cause the first spontaneous boners that one has had since high school. And, particularly with summerweight cloth and/or lighter colors, it can be obvious which side you dress on.
This self-consciousness will pass. In the meantime, take a little care not to stand right in front of someone who is sitting; sit, or squat if you're just going to chat for a few seconds, or use a cubicle wall as a shield. A small leather portfolio/folder can be your friend, and if anyone notices that you're holding it in front of your nethers they'll probably just assume that you spilled soup on your lap at lunch.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:32 AM on July 31, 2009 [1 favorite]
This self-consciousness will pass. In the meantime, take a little care not to stand right in front of someone who is sitting; sit, or squat if you're just going to chat for a few seconds, or use a cubicle wall as a shield. A small leather portfolio/folder can be your friend, and if anyone notices that you're holding it in front of your nethers they'll probably just assume that you spilled soup on your lap at lunch.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:32 AM on July 31, 2009 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by nitsuj at 11:14 AM on July 30, 2009