Tell me why my worth isn't attached to my achievements.
July 29, 2009 3:50 PM Subscribe
CBT Related: How do you convince yourself that your personal worth is not contingent on achievement and success?
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (21 answers total) 39 users marked this as a favorite
I am engaged in cognitive behavioral therapy and have been successfully remapping some distorted belief systems in a number of areas. Success in truly adopting a new "healthy" belief system relies on your ability to rationally, logically convince yourself that this new belief is INDEED true. To the degree you actually believe it, you will adopt it. It can sometimes be tricky crafting arguments that challenge my unhealthy beliefs that my brain will actually accept...but with practice I get better at it. There is one MAJOR sticking area though...and that is my belief that my worthiness comes from my ability to achieve and succeed.
This belief causes considerable anxiety and grief for me personally and I have had a tough time coming up with an argument that I actually believe to the contrary. Since grade school we have been programmed to equate achievement with success (you got an A! you're now DESERVING!) And our society pretty much reaffirms this programming through media and popular culture. Those who succeed are more desirable mates, higher earners, more influencial...they get more, control more resources and are generally admired. To me, this translates to "better person." I am convinced by reams of data that they are not necessarily HAPPIER people...so that much I believe already. That being said, I generally feel down about myself when I am not achieving, succeeding, manifesting my awesome existence through stuff that makes people say "ooooh!" I constantly feel the pressure to amount to something extraordinary or suffer the consequences of being less than worthwhile...
What are some rational, realistic arguments that challenge this powerful belief system? So far I have been unable to convince myself that my own worth is unhinged from what I accomplish in life, and I am looking for the perfectly crafted argument that will drill penetrate my brain like a shiv with the handle broken off.