Young Technie Needs Some Life Skills
July 15, 2009 10:22 PM Subscribe
What adult life skills have you learned that were well worth the time spent learning?
I'm 22 and spend a little too much time on the internet. What skills should I learn that will be valuable and useful for the rest of my life?
I'm 22 and spend a little too much time on the internet. What skills should I learn that will be valuable and useful for the rest of my life?
I'm not saying I have learned these well yet, but my sad life aside:
learn to cook for yourself.
learn to clean the house and wash dishes, right, not half-assedly.
learn super-basic car stuff like where to put in more oil, wiper fluid, etc.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:28 PM on July 15, 2009 [6 favorites]
learn to cook for yourself.
learn to clean the house and wash dishes, right, not half-assedly.
learn super-basic car stuff like where to put in more oil, wiper fluid, etc.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:28 PM on July 15, 2009 [6 favorites]
Learn to cook... everything.
Read Emotional Intelligence.
Master a foreign language.
Learn to play an instrument.
posted by Lukenlogs at 10:29 PM on July 15, 2009
Read Emotional Intelligence.
Master a foreign language.
Learn to play an instrument.
posted by Lukenlogs at 10:29 PM on July 15, 2009
There's so many, but cooking is at the very top of the list.
posted by pompomtom at 10:30 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by pompomtom at 10:30 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Learning to walk away.
Learning to put the effort in.
Learning to punch someone in the face when they deserve it.
Learning to not punch someone in the face when they deserve it.
Learning to not spend money on crap I don't need.
Learning to shut up and listen.
Learning to acknowledge when I am wrong.
and most of what paulsc calls out.
posted by iamabot at 10:31 PM on July 15, 2009 [6 favorites]
Learning to put the effort in.
Learning to punch someone in the face when they deserve it.
Learning to not punch someone in the face when they deserve it.
Learning to not spend money on crap I don't need.
Learning to shut up and listen.
Learning to acknowledge when I am wrong.
and most of what paulsc calls out.
posted by iamabot at 10:31 PM on July 15, 2009 [6 favorites]
Automotive repair
Basic carpentry
Household repair skills
How to write a good letter and/or thank you note
CPR
How to estimate numbers and know if a number "makes sense".
How to start a fire.
Basic survival skills.
Manners
Soothe a screaming child
Change a diaper
Throw an overhand curveball
Hit a good curveball
Play poker
Share your candy
Tip the wait staff
Pack a suitcase
Drive a standard transmission.
What to do in the event of a fire
Stay calm and productive in an emergency
Whittle wood
Magic Tricks
Learn to tell a joke. (And have several ready for various occasions.)
Play with pain.
Tie Knots
Handle an Axe
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:45 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Basic carpentry
Household repair skills
How to write a good letter and/or thank you note
CPR
How to estimate numbers and know if a number "makes sense".
How to start a fire.
Basic survival skills.
Manners
Soothe a screaming child
Change a diaper
Throw an overhand curveball
Hit a good curveball
Play poker
Share your candy
Tip the wait staff
Pack a suitcase
Drive a standard transmission.
What to do in the event of a fire
Stay calm and productive in an emergency
Whittle wood
Magic Tricks
Learn to tell a joke. (And have several ready for various occasions.)
Play with pain.
Tie Knots
Handle an Axe
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:45 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Funny, I've already run into a few situations where knowing how to drive a manual transmission wuld have been helpful.
Thanks for the car-related suggestions, I need to get my hands dirty.
posted by mtphoto at 10:48 PM on July 15, 2009
Thanks for the car-related suggestions, I need to get my hands dirty.
posted by mtphoto at 10:48 PM on July 15, 2009
learn basic electronics, plumbing, and other home-repair.
it's surprisingly satisfying to fix something, and if you are ever out of work, you can always start a handyman service!
posted by chicago2penn at 10:52 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
it's surprisingly satisfying to fix something, and if you are ever out of work, you can always start a handyman service!
posted by chicago2penn at 10:52 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Car maintenance. Even the big stuff. A few hundred dollars investment in tools and manuals will pay off generously over your lifetime.
Learn how to play guitar. The sooner, the better.
Differentiate between wants and needs. Take 72 hours to make a decision on all purchases (with the exception of groceries).
Speaking of which - learn how to eat efficiently and healthily. Treat your body as the temple it is - you only get one go around in life, make the best of it.
posted by torquemaniac at 10:53 PM on July 15, 2009 [4 favorites]
Learn how to play guitar. The sooner, the better.
Differentiate between wants and needs. Take 72 hours to make a decision on all purchases (with the exception of groceries).
Speaking of which - learn how to eat efficiently and healthily. Treat your body as the temple it is - you only get one go around in life, make the best of it.
posted by torquemaniac at 10:53 PM on July 15, 2009 [4 favorites]
Basic repair sewing and darning. Sew on a button, hem trousers or fraying edges, mend a seam, stitch cuts back together, patch small holes.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:59 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:59 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Knot tying: bowline and sheetbend (plus the ones you learned as a kid). Shooting. Driving fast. Driving with a trailer. Matchless fire starting. Calligraphy. Reading music. Computer programming. Lockpicking. Rope splicing (I learned today!). Map/chart reading. Linear algebra. Painting (as in, to cover in paint, not create art). Sheet metal work. Sewing. Cooking. Baking. Tiling. Grouting. Foam-core fiberglass layup. Basic chemistry. The Heimlich. Emergency tracheotomy. CPR. Mouth-to-mouth. Swimming. Building a solar still. Rolling a cigarette (or joint). Removing the insulation from an electrical wire. Soldering. Wirewrapping. Running a multimeter, logic probe, and oscilloscope. Brewing coffee. Brewing tea. Mixing cocktails (several of them at least). Reading a contract, even a complex one. Writing a simple contract. Negotiating. Gambling (at least the principles). Flying a (simulated) airplane. Flying a (simulated) helicopter. Calculating expected value in fuzzy, non-gambling situations. Reading/following (bad) directions. Researching. Navigating on land with a compass and map. Rigging to hoist a weight. Rigging to raise a pole. Stopping bleeding. Diagnosing a small engine's troubles. Purifying water.
And that's just some of the shit I, at the age of 25, have felt the need to learn. I don't use all of it every day, of course... and I hope never to use some of it. Some of it is still definitely in training, since they require considerable experience for competence.
There's also Heinlein's list.
posted by Netzapper at 11:07 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
And that's just some of the shit I, at the age of 25, have felt the need to learn. I don't use all of it every day, of course... and I hope never to use some of it. Some of it is still definitely in training, since they require considerable experience for competence.
There's also Heinlein's list.
posted by Netzapper at 11:07 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
How to navigate bureaucracy. It's saved me countless hours of stress and tens of thousands of dollars over the last 30 years.
posted by Lolie at 11:09 PM on July 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Lolie at 11:09 PM on July 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
Lolie, what is your top advice about how to navigate a bureaucracy? I'm not sure how you could learn that skill, except with personal experience.
posted by Spacelegoman at 11:21 PM on July 15, 2009
posted by Spacelegoman at 11:21 PM on July 15, 2009
Patience...
posted by OHenryPacey at 11:34 PM on July 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by OHenryPacey at 11:34 PM on July 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
I can't believe nobody has listed learn to budget yet. It makes a huge difference to the quality of your life, and to the control you have over it.
So:
- Learn to budget
- Learn to cook
- Learn to sew
- Learn to craft, cook, sew or otherwise create one thing you can proudly give as a gift.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:44 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
So:
- Learn to budget
- Learn to cook
- Learn to sew
- Learn to craft, cook, sew or otherwise create one thing you can proudly give as a gift.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:44 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Don't be afraid to take things apart.
posted by wfrgms at 11:48 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by wfrgms at 11:48 PM on July 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Lolie, what is your top advice about how to navigate a bureaucracy? I'm not sure how you could learn that skill, except with personal experience.
I learned by observation - I copied what people who were really good at getting what they want from bureaucracy did. I'll have a think about what the individual steps I take are over dinner - they involve knowing who, how, and what regarding information flow but I know that stuff off the top of my head now, so I'll try to think of what makes it easy for someone to acquire that knowledge.
posted by Lolie at 11:53 PM on July 15, 2009
I learned by observation - I copied what people who were really good at getting what they want from bureaucracy did. I'll have a think about what the individual steps I take are over dinner - they involve knowing who, how, and what regarding information flow but I know that stuff off the top of my head now, so I'll try to think of what makes it easy for someone to acquire that knowledge.
posted by Lolie at 11:53 PM on July 15, 2009
Things I've learned or am learning that I consider immensely valuable:
- How to put yourself to bed at a reasonable hour at night.
- How to appreciate even a crappy minimum wage job and to put effort into the work you do there, rather than blowing it off as beneath you and slacking off.
- How to live on within your means. Really and truly.
- How to be observant of others' body language, and how to interpret it (to the degree that body language can be interpreted).
- How to get rid of the crap you've accumulated through the years that you really don't need, and how to organize the crap you do need so that you're not always weighed down by clutter.
Unfortunately, I don't think any of these (except maybe the body language one - there are books you can buy for that) really fall into what you seem to be asking for - skills that one can dedicate time and effort to mastering in a discrete chunk of time. But there you are. Some that I can think of which may fall more in line with your request:
- How to prepare 5 reasonably quick and easy, nutritious and delicious complete meals that don't require extensive special ingredients or preparation.
- I'm going to second learning how to drive a manual transmission, just because.
- How to administer basic first aid, especially the Heimlich, CPR, and first aid for burns, heavy bleeding, and bone breaks.
- Absolutely learn a second language.
posted by po at 11:56 PM on July 15, 2009 [4 favorites]
- How to put yourself to bed at a reasonable hour at night.
- How to appreciate even a crappy minimum wage job and to put effort into the work you do there, rather than blowing it off as beneath you and slacking off.
- How to live on within your means. Really and truly.
- How to be observant of others' body language, and how to interpret it (to the degree that body language can be interpreted).
- How to get rid of the crap you've accumulated through the years that you really don't need, and how to organize the crap you do need so that you're not always weighed down by clutter.
Unfortunately, I don't think any of these (except maybe the body language one - there are books you can buy for that) really fall into what you seem to be asking for - skills that one can dedicate time and effort to mastering in a discrete chunk of time. But there you are. Some that I can think of which may fall more in line with your request:
- How to prepare 5 reasonably quick and easy, nutritious and delicious complete meals that don't require extensive special ingredients or preparation.
- I'm going to second learning how to drive a manual transmission, just because.
- How to administer basic first aid, especially the Heimlich, CPR, and first aid for burns, heavy bleeding, and bone breaks.
- Absolutely learn a second language.
posted by po at 11:56 PM on July 15, 2009 [4 favorites]
kindness, patience, forbearance.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 12:36 AM on July 16, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by The Light Fantastic at 12:36 AM on July 16, 2009 [3 favorites]
Learn to negotiate in relationships and business.
Learn to negotiate fairly and respectfully.
Through practice learn to judge when you should advance and when you should retreat.
posted by valannc at 12:37 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Learn to negotiate fairly and respectfully.
Through practice learn to judge when you should advance and when you should retreat.
posted by valannc at 12:37 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: (Interesting cultural note - I have no idea how one would drive an automatic. Genuinely, I don't know how they 'go'! Nearly everyone drives manual here.)
How to really listen to people. Most people don't really listen.
First Aid.
How to have fun, even when there seems little fun to be had (best not to try this at funerals).
Cooking.
Basic DIY (and to know your limits on DIY and when to call in a professional)
Some form of dance or martial art - will give you massive insight into how you move and hold yourself.
posted by Coobeastie at 3:22 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
How to really listen to people. Most people don't really listen.
First Aid.
How to have fun, even when there seems little fun to be had (best not to try this at funerals).
Cooking.
Basic DIY (and to know your limits on DIY and when to call in a professional)
Some form of dance or martial art - will give you massive insight into how you move and hold yourself.
posted by Coobeastie at 3:22 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Learning to focus.
Increasing your attention span.
Learning to resist instant gratification.
I think too much internet usage can hurt those skills directly.
posted by girlmightlive at 4:02 AM on July 16, 2009 [3 favorites]
Increasing your attention span.
Learning to resist instant gratification.
I think too much internet usage can hurt those skills directly.
posted by girlmightlive at 4:02 AM on July 16, 2009 [3 favorites]
Cooking
Budget/save/invest - I will teach you to be rich
Travel - not just your own continent - There is an amazing world out there!
posted by lamby at 4:18 AM on July 16, 2009
Budget/save/invest - I will teach you to be rich
Travel - not just your own continent - There is an amazing world out there!
posted by lamby at 4:18 AM on July 16, 2009
Some of these are repeats:
Budgeting. Basic cooking. Basic sewing (repairs and minor things). Car care/repair (this also helps you not get ripped off!), driving a stick and parallel parking. Building a computer from parts. Moving--how to pack is a big one! How to write a letter (personal or professional). How to interview and network. How to give condolences, say thank you and I'm sorry and mean it, how to listen. How to walk in heels. How to dress appropriately to the occasion. How to dance (basic social dancing, like at weddings). How to confront people or companies who've wronged you at get what you want (patience, firmness, constant politeness!). How to negotiate (stop talking!). Basic DIY, especially caulking for some reason. How to grill. How to be still and peaceful.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 5:37 AM on July 16, 2009
Budgeting. Basic cooking. Basic sewing (repairs and minor things). Car care/repair (this also helps you not get ripped off!), driving a stick and parallel parking. Building a computer from parts. Moving--how to pack is a big one! How to write a letter (personal or professional). How to interview and network. How to give condolences, say thank you and I'm sorry and mean it, how to listen. How to walk in heels. How to dress appropriately to the occasion. How to dance (basic social dancing, like at weddings). How to confront people or companies who've wronged you at get what you want (patience, firmness, constant politeness!). How to negotiate (stop talking!). Basic DIY, especially caulking for some reason. How to grill. How to be still and peaceful.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 5:37 AM on July 16, 2009
This is more nebulous than most of the previous ones, but take responsibility for your actions. You are going to have to do lots of things that you don't want to do in life. Do them, and do them correctly - don't half-ass anything. You will be a better person for it.
posted by horsemuth at 6:16 AM on July 16, 2009
posted by horsemuth at 6:16 AM on July 16, 2009
Here are a few things I have learned which have proven indispensable.
Learn basic communication even when you do not speak the same language as another person. Learn how to look someone in the eye and give them a firm handshake without trying to crush their hand. Learn how to contact someone in an emergency when your cell phone has gone dead. Learn how to live a week without electricity or a car. Learn how to hold your liquor. Learn how to make it look like you are holding your liquor without needing to do so. Learn how to navigate without a GPS.
Finally, learn how to walk away from a bad situation and when to do it.
posted by Saydur at 6:32 AM on July 16, 2009
Learn basic communication even when you do not speak the same language as another person. Learn how to look someone in the eye and give them a firm handshake without trying to crush their hand. Learn how to contact someone in an emergency when your cell phone has gone dead. Learn how to live a week without electricity or a car. Learn how to hold your liquor. Learn how to make it look like you are holding your liquor without needing to do so. Learn how to navigate without a GPS.
Finally, learn how to walk away from a bad situation and when to do it.
posted by Saydur at 6:32 AM on July 16, 2009
Learn how to be a good host, guest or good company (at home and away): help people feel comfortable in your home or in their own; and be easy to enjoy when you're around. This means learning manners, customs and niceties and it's so worth it. Much can be learned from books and online - more from practice and observation.
(Says the person who was invited to dinner at someone's house recently and had to ask for a fork with which to eat it, once she found a place to sit down and do so!)
posted by peagood at 6:40 AM on July 16, 2009
(Says the person who was invited to dinner at someone's house recently and had to ask for a fork with which to eat it, once she found a place to sit down and do so!)
posted by peagood at 6:40 AM on July 16, 2009
Good and useful answers above. I will add a few:
Learn how to be a good student: sit up front, ask questions, participate fully in the class. The only thing stupider than being too cool to get involved in the class you are taking is lying to your doctor or therapist.
Learn to meditate.
Learn the habit of selfless service to others.
posted by shothotbot at 7:02 AM on July 16, 2009
Learn how to be a good student: sit up front, ask questions, participate fully in the class. The only thing stupider than being too cool to get involved in the class you are taking is lying to your doctor or therapist.
Learn to meditate.
Learn the habit of selfless service to others.
posted by shothotbot at 7:02 AM on July 16, 2009
Know Thyself. Many suggestions may not fit your own personality. If you study yourself, it can help you know what makes you happy.
Developing habits may be more important than specific skills. This is obvious when it comes to keeping yourself physically fit, which becomes more difficult as you get older. Cheng Man-ch'ing, who popularized Tai Chi in the west, said (I'm paraphrasing) that he had an illness which was a great boon to him, since whenever he slacked on his workouts, he got sick, and it forced him back to working his art. I find that acting in plays drives me to stay in shape to keep the 'instrument' tuned; this is something I know about myself that helps me make choices that increase my happy.
One specific: I'm a trained mediator, for community conflicts and victim-offender situations. The skills involved, like actively listening, staying calm, not imposing my own perspective, are all very 'adult' and seem to make the world a better place around me. Plus it helps manifest peace, which is important to me, even if on a very small scale.
posted by dragonsi55 at 7:13 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Developing habits may be more important than specific skills. This is obvious when it comes to keeping yourself physically fit, which becomes more difficult as you get older. Cheng Man-ch'ing, who popularized Tai Chi in the west, said (I'm paraphrasing) that he had an illness which was a great boon to him, since whenever he slacked on his workouts, he got sick, and it forced him back to working his art. I find that acting in plays drives me to stay in shape to keep the 'instrument' tuned; this is something I know about myself that helps me make choices that increase my happy.
One specific: I'm a trained mediator, for community conflicts and victim-offender situations. The skills involved, like actively listening, staying calm, not imposing my own perspective, are all very 'adult' and seem to make the world a better place around me. Plus it helps manifest peace, which is important to me, even if on a very small scale.
posted by dragonsi55 at 7:13 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
The most successful people I have known throughout my life all share something that I wish I had better understood and had had more capacity for at an earlier age: the ability to defer gratitude.
posted by bz at 7:25 AM on July 16, 2009
posted by bz at 7:25 AM on July 16, 2009
In-person social skills might be a good area of focus for anyone who spends a lot of time on the computer. A lot of this is skill in asking questions that get people to talk, and in listening (really listening) to what they say. Knowing how to initiate conversations with people, keep them ticking pleasantly along, and bring them to a graceful conclusion. It's less about having a repertoire of Fascinating Conversational Gambits, and more about having the ability to stop worrying about how you sound/look, and really focusing on the other person. For introverts (dunno if you are one) this can take a lot of practice.
Also, being a skilled public speaker -- clear, informative, concise, and entertaining. Groups like Toastmasters can help with this.
posted by Kat Allison at 7:26 AM on July 16, 2009
Also, being a skilled public speaker -- clear, informative, concise, and entertaining. Groups like Toastmasters can help with this.
posted by Kat Allison at 7:26 AM on July 16, 2009
Cooking -- as much cooking from scratch as you can. This isn't just a hobby move, this can also be your godsend when finances are tight. To wit: I could buy 5 frozen cheese pizzas from the supermarket, or I could buy a jar of pizza sauce, a couple packets of yeast, a bag of flour, and a bag of shredded mozzarella, and make my own cheese pizzas. The 5 frozen pizzas would be about $20. The jar of sauce, yeast, flour, and cheese would be about half that, and you'd probably have a little sauce and flour left over.
Hell, you can even save on ramen -- a big bag of the noodles cost me two bucks in a market in Chinatown, a package of frozen peas cost a buck, and I bought a small chicken for about $4. Poach the chicken in water (which is free) and a dash of soy sauce (if you ordered Chinese takeout recently, save one of the soy sauce packets that they give you free -- that's exactly the right amount), then strip all the meat off the chicken and save the broth in the fridge, and then whenever you want ramen, all it takes is a handful of the noodles, a handful of chicken, and a handful of frozen peas heated up in a bowl of the broth. Better for you than the instant packages (which don't have meat or vegetables, by the way) and just as cheap.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:48 AM on July 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Hell, you can even save on ramen -- a big bag of the noodles cost me two bucks in a market in Chinatown, a package of frozen peas cost a buck, and I bought a small chicken for about $4. Poach the chicken in water (which is free) and a dash of soy sauce (if you ordered Chinese takeout recently, save one of the soy sauce packets that they give you free -- that's exactly the right amount), then strip all the meat off the chicken and save the broth in the fridge, and then whenever you want ramen, all it takes is a handful of the noodles, a handful of chicken, and a handful of frozen peas heated up in a bowl of the broth. Better for you than the instant packages (which don't have meat or vegetables, by the way) and just as cheap.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:48 AM on July 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Forgot to conclude: I went through a three-month stretch of total unemployment early this year. The fact that I know how to cook things from scratch let me stretch my food budget WAY long, and without having to pull the "I'm going to have a PB&J sandwich for dinner" route.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:52 AM on July 16, 2009
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:52 AM on July 16, 2009
Reading a map and giving directions.
Communicating well in writing. In particular, if you can translate from tech to normal, that's a very powerful skill. :)
Basic first aid.
Basic plumbing, carpentry, and electrical skills.
In both of those cases, learning when the problem is more than you can handle on your own.
Carrying heavy things safely.
posted by epersonae at 8:24 AM on July 16, 2009
Communicating well in writing. In particular, if you can translate from tech to normal, that's a very powerful skill. :)
Basic first aid.
Basic plumbing, carpentry, and electrical skills.
In both of those cases, learning when the problem is more than you can handle on your own.
Carrying heavy things safely.
posted by epersonae at 8:24 AM on July 16, 2009
There are some great suggestions here. But one thing that I value is think situations out from the bottom up - the hardest thing to do in your life is to change your mind ( it usually takes brain surgery boom boom). By an informal logic book and learn how to look at arguments as extensions from first principles which you can then evaluate. This is not just for philosophy, seriously its how I try to approach almost* every problem in my life - what electricity company should I go with? Do I need a car? Where should I live? Is my OH right, should I do more of the cleaning? etc.
*Some questions canot be answered by rational argument, but hey, atleast you'll understand a bit more about why they can't if you at least try.
posted by munchbunch at 9:18 AM on July 16, 2009
*Some questions canot be answered by rational argument, but hey, atleast you'll understand a bit more about why they can't if you at least try.
posted by munchbunch at 9:18 AM on July 16, 2009
I took a continuing education accounting class back in 2005. I wish I had taken such a class earlier in my life.
posted by NemesisVex at 9:47 AM on July 16, 2009
posted by NemesisVex at 9:47 AM on July 16, 2009
Beer brewing.
posted by craven_morhead at 9:54 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by craven_morhead at 9:54 AM on July 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
How to navigate bureaucracy. It's saved me countless hours of stress and tens of thousands of dollars over the last 30 years.
This. Take a deep breath:
I cant emphasize enough the importance of an assertive but non-demanding and non-entitled interaction with a bureaucrat. Either on the phone or in person:
Have all the doccmentation available and ready to quote from - account/order/case #s, forms filled out, IDs needed, relevant references to the process you're using from instruction manual, letters from their agency with reference numbers, dates and times of issues/events along with supporting evidence that those things happend on those dates and times.
Always interact calmly. Allow them to know you're frustrated, but don't shout, hector, whine or bully. They've dealt with all of the above, so dealing with someone polite means they are more likely not to "shut off" or become adversarial.
Show empathy with their situation as a part of a system.
When problems occur: Phrases like "I realise this is not your fault....", "how would I go about that", "as an expert in X, what would you do if you were in my current situation", "what would be the way for me to do that in order minimize the amount of nonsense you guys have to deal with (from me)" etc.
Never mention lawsuits, their supervisor (in an accusatory way), what a terrible job they are doing, that you deserve better than this. Likely, years that they have been in the system has beat them down : they probably don't care and have heard it all before and you will antagonize them.
If they aren't able to help, you want them to admit that, not you accuse them of it. Ask to speak to someone with authorization to address the issue you raised, phrasing it in terms of saving them time and effort : phrases like "I know this is involved and a pain in the ass, but could I speak to X who can address the issue - this would save us both time and I could get off your back about this". Continue your interactions with other people further up the chain the same way.
Developing lower to mid-level functionary as an ally rather than as an enemy is one of the key skills in life. They often know how to make your case just 'work' rather than go through stultifying protocols that cost serious time and money.
Save the bluster for when it really goes south, you have to follow those protocols, and you have a lawyer lined up - you'll be batting above their pay grade at that point anyway.
posted by lalochezia at 10:18 AM on July 16, 2009 [16 favorites]
bz-- did you mean "defer gratitude" or defer "GRATIFICATION?" Because I can't think of a reason to ever put off feeling grateful for something. However, being able to delay gratification, or at least stop chasing instant gratification, seems like a wise thing to master.
posted by np312 at 11:13 AM on July 16, 2009
posted by np312 at 11:13 AM on July 16, 2009
Nobody's mentioned touch typing?! Of course the OP did say he's a techie, so maybe he's got that covered.
Thinking. Just logical, rational, thinking. It's actually very rare to meet people who can think in a logically-watertight way.
Nthing all of: cooking, spoken communication (public or one-on-one), written communication, tying knots.
posted by madmethods at 11:29 AM on July 16, 2009
Thinking. Just logical, rational, thinking. It's actually very rare to meet people who can think in a logically-watertight way.
Nthing all of: cooking, spoken communication (public or one-on-one), written communication, tying knots.
posted by madmethods at 11:29 AM on July 16, 2009
Thinking. Just logical, rational, thinking. It's actually very rare to meet people who can think in a logically-watertight way.
Now that I think about it, I'm going to add a different angle to this: skepticism / critical thinking. Being able to spot scams, junk science, spam, get-rich-quick, too-good-to-be-true, obvious net snopes-fodder, etc, etc. It drives me nuts that so many people (e.g. in my extended family) are completely incapable of this.
posted by madmethods at 12:53 PM on July 16, 2009
Now that I think about it, I'm going to add a different angle to this: skepticism / critical thinking. Being able to spot scams, junk science, spam, get-rich-quick, too-good-to-be-true, obvious net snopes-fodder, etc, etc. It drives me nuts that so many people (e.g. in my extended family) are completely incapable of this.
posted by madmethods at 12:53 PM on July 16, 2009
How to read a map.
Balance a checking account.
Cooking (healthfully) for yourself.
Public speaking.
posted by All.star at 2:28 PM on July 16, 2009
Balance a checking account.
Cooking (healthfully) for yourself.
Public speaking.
posted by All.star at 2:28 PM on July 16, 2009
(trying to come up with things that haven't been mentioned yet)
- shopping*
- martial arts
- a good appreciation of the 80/20 rule
- knowing how to ride a motorbike is a nice-to-have
- independent travel**
* (by which i mostly mean grocery shopping. goes with cooking, but includes things like how to tell good produce from bad, knowing what's in season, having an idea of a good price for things so you don't fall for specials that aren't actually special at all, stocking up on things that keep when they are marked down, etc. to an extent, these kinds of things apply ok to other purchases, eg clothes, gadgets etc)
** (which is a kind of training & application of many of the things that others have mentioned, eg communication, patience, planning, flexibility, budgeting, mental arithmetic, map reading, and a thousand other things)
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:28 PM on July 16, 2009
- shopping*
- martial arts
- a good appreciation of the 80/20 rule
- knowing how to ride a motorbike is a nice-to-have
- independent travel**
* (by which i mostly mean grocery shopping. goes with cooking, but includes things like how to tell good produce from bad, knowing what's in season, having an idea of a good price for things so you don't fall for specials that aren't actually special at all, stocking up on things that keep when they are marked down, etc. to an extent, these kinds of things apply ok to other purchases, eg clothes, gadgets etc)
** (which is a kind of training & application of many of the things that others have mentioned, eg communication, patience, planning, flexibility, budgeting, mental arithmetic, map reading, and a thousand other things)
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:28 PM on July 16, 2009
social dancing. like going out regularly to salsa, or swing, or tango, etc. not only is it a new type of challenge and creativity (moving your body, feeling the music) but because you dance with a new partner each song, I've met tons of people, which has taught me loads by interacting with them. (and also watching them interact with each other.)
playing a musical instrument. for me, there is nothing quite like being in the middle of a massive orchestra all playing together to create something amazing. just sends chills down my spine.
how to read people. being able to really understand and evaluate someone's motivations and personality can be a very valuable tool, in all areas of life. it's certainly helped me to select which friendships to pursue, which people to avoid, and it's also helped me interact better with people who i don't entirely click with. personally i learned this through conducting behavioral interviews at work and through interacting with folks while social dancing.
posted by inatizzy at 8:32 PM on July 16, 2009
playing a musical instrument. for me, there is nothing quite like being in the middle of a massive orchestra all playing together to create something amazing. just sends chills down my spine.
how to read people. being able to really understand and evaluate someone's motivations and personality can be a very valuable tool, in all areas of life. it's certainly helped me to select which friendships to pursue, which people to avoid, and it's also helped me interact better with people who i don't entirely click with. personally i learned this through conducting behavioral interviews at work and through interacting with folks while social dancing.
posted by inatizzy at 8:32 PM on July 16, 2009
Best answer: What category of skills are you looking for? Here are some non-Internet skills I'd prescribe for the techie:
- Socializing - learn to get along with all kinds of people
- Business & marketing - so you understand how business works and can take whatever you create on the Internet and make money from it
- How to give a presentation and sell your ideas
- At least one non-nerdy hobby - so that you don't spend all your free time online and have something different to pursue - something artistic, or outdoorsy perhaps
- Personal finance
- Cooking - so you don't have to eat takeout the rest of your life
posted by lsemel at 11:34 PM on July 16, 2009
- Socializing - learn to get along with all kinds of people
- Business & marketing - so you understand how business works and can take whatever you create on the Internet and make money from it
- How to give a presentation and sell your ideas
- At least one non-nerdy hobby - so that you don't spend all your free time online and have something different to pursue - something artistic, or outdoorsy perhaps
- Personal finance
- Cooking - so you don't have to eat takeout the rest of your life
posted by lsemel at 11:34 PM on July 16, 2009
bz-- did you mean "defer gratitude" or defer "GRATIFICATION?" Because I can't think of a reason to ever put off feeling grateful for something.
Rats. Of course I meant gratification.
posted by bz at 12:57 PM on July 17, 2009
Rats. Of course I meant gratification.
posted by bz at 12:57 PM on July 17, 2009
I have often said that if I ever had children, I would make damn sure they learned at least two things:
- How to balance a checkbook.
- How to perform basic auto maintenance.
I wish I'd learned how to balance a checkbook before I entered college. Before, in fact, I got my first checking account, which I had no clue how to manage. I often wonder how different my life would have turned out if someone had thought to teach me that one skill when I needed it. From there, you can move on to budgeting and the importance of saving, but balancing the checkbook was major for me.
I still don't know how to do basic auto maintenance. As a result, I constantly worry that I am being ripped off by mechanics. I don't want even want to do the work myself, I just want to be able to understand what the mechanic's telling me.
I am 40 and just now learning to cook, or learning to enjoy cooking. But I doubt that's something I would have had any aptitude for earlier in life. Some things you just won't pick up until you're ready to.
posted by stennieville at 5:53 PM on July 17, 2009
- How to balance a checkbook.
- How to perform basic auto maintenance.
I wish I'd learned how to balance a checkbook before I entered college. Before, in fact, I got my first checking account, which I had no clue how to manage. I often wonder how different my life would have turned out if someone had thought to teach me that one skill when I needed it. From there, you can move on to budgeting and the importance of saving, but balancing the checkbook was major for me.
I still don't know how to do basic auto maintenance. As a result, I constantly worry that I am being ripped off by mechanics. I don't want even want to do the work myself, I just want to be able to understand what the mechanic's telling me.
I am 40 and just now learning to cook, or learning to enjoy cooking. But I doubt that's something I would have had any aptitude for earlier in life. Some things you just won't pick up until you're ready to.
posted by stennieville at 5:53 PM on July 17, 2009
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."-Robert Heinlein in "Time Enough for Love"
posted by rongorongo at 8:12 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
How to drink socially and pace your alcohol consumption so you don't end up in the ER Friday morning after a Thursday night out with coworkers on the company tab
posted by chalbe at 12:23 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by chalbe at 12:23 PM on July 20, 2009
I was once terrified of life. These are several liberating tasks I have undertaken.
Hawking on the street. With a 99% rejection rate and public humiliation, I had to take the rejection in stride. After a few minutes, it was fun.
Stand up performance. Comedy, then poetry. At one of those local poetry reading events, you are not going to be the worst. Do this: memorize your piece, practice it until it becomes a joy escaping from your lips.
For extra credit: dress up as a homeless person and beg for money. I saw myself in those who passed me by and judged me with self-righteousness.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 7:08 AM on July 21, 2009
Hawking on the street. With a 99% rejection rate and public humiliation, I had to take the rejection in stride. After a few minutes, it was fun.
Stand up performance. Comedy, then poetry. At one of those local poetry reading events, you are not going to be the worst. Do this: memorize your piece, practice it until it becomes a joy escaping from your lips.
For extra credit: dress up as a homeless person and beg for money. I saw myself in those who passed me by and judged me with self-righteousness.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 7:08 AM on July 21, 2009
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posted by paulsc at 10:28 PM on July 15, 2009 [4 favorites]