Not forcing it, but forcing it.

July 4, 2009 10:15 PM

How do I go back to taking my fiction writing seriously after a brief, unhappy attempt to define myself by something else?

I used to be a very dedicated fiction writer. Writing was a joy; working toward improvement was exciting every day. Yes, I had an over-intense need to keep my work private, but I knew I was unready for publication, so it wasn't an immediate issue.

Then I started an advanced English degree, and felt sharply chastised by the prevailing style. I can be a cerebral reader, too, and I don't complain about that mental habit; Oscar Wilde said that the critical urge is the basis of good fiction. But the insistence on discussing political problems at the absolute expense of pleasure, or of an analysis that took the author's humanity into account, was a constant white noise. I know why it's like this, but that didn't make it easier to write in that atmosphere, and it takes greater mental fortitude than mine to do grad school as a job with a day that ends.

It suddenly became difficult to write, and I lost my self-awareness and sense of place. I began to seek outside motivation to replace my internal drive; I could assimilate neither criticism nor praise, though, and my efforts to tailor my work to my audience's imagined desires pleased nobody.

Two years later, I'm finally out of the program, and though the background situation is much better now, I still feel all messed up. I know how to work up slowly and get my discipline back, but I don't know how to restore my joy and excitement. "Do something simple and give it time" is a good answer, but it's so easy to stop writing if you're not pushing yourself.

The above may sound like a summary more than a request, but I really need advice. To fall off the writing wagon, for whatever reason, cannot be all that rare, and I would like to hear how you recovered -- not just in the sense that you read and wrote every day, and the rest of the usual excellent advice; I do all that, too. What I need is advice on returning to a state in which writing is a safe, important thing to do.

(Because Ask MeFi often asks: I am in therapy, but have never really been able to get anywhere with this sort of question.)

posted by thesmallmachine to writing & language (13 comments total)

Stop thinking and start writing.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:18 PM on July 4 [4 favorites has favorites]

Stop thinking and start writing.

I've been at it long enough to have known and survived any number of critical writer's blocks. One thing I've learned is to not be afraid to put something I'm working on down for a while if it's causing me undue grief.

But I never stop writing. There's always another project worth pursuing, a journal to keep, letters to write, a review to write ... and so on. Think of it as keeping in shape. Seriously. And the older you get, the more crucial it becomes.
posted by philip-random at 10:39 PM on July 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

To fall off the artistic wagon is something that happens to every artist, at one time or another. Or, more likely, at multiple times.

The only guide I have ever found up to the task of putting me back in the creative saddle is The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron.

It took me a little mental adjusting to get used to her style - the innate spirituality of it struck me as hokey on first read - but now I think of art and the universe in an entirely different way, and I have never been more productive or more creative in my life. I have given a copy of this book to every blocked artist I know, and those who have cracked it open have made tremendous progress, both artistically and personally.

If you want to rediscover the joy of writing, there is no better tool.
posted by philotes at 10:51 PM on July 4

I write songs. I've stopped forcing myself and realized that these things come at their own pace. I'd allow yourself to write lots of crap and take only the best stuff.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:54 PM on July 4

I had something similar happen, except rather than being put off by English classes, I was just thrown off the creative track entirely by cerebral things. When I got back into writing, I was confronted by the sorts of cerebral things you describe, but in books about writing rather than classes where I felt pressured to tailor my writing to other people's standards.

This is what helped me recover my need to write: I write about things that are of great importance to me, personally. I take whatever things I feel are difficult to confront and I write about them. I take whatever things make me happy and I write about them. If something doesn't do either of those things, I do not write about it. It's basically a tool for sublimation, and psychologically speaking, it has made me a much better person. I suspect that everyone has things like that, deep down, that bother them, and working through those things is necessary and inspirational.

It doesn't have to be anything specific to start with; you don't have to rehash one particular person or relationship. It can be a tiny part of any of those things. For example, I have difficulty accepting when people like me. There's a ton of stuff in that alone to write about. I think about other people and try to figure them out, too.

This is what helped me balance the expectations of other people with my own need to feel comfortable writing: I try to write the sort of thing that I would like to read. Everyone likes different things, and as you've already discovered, writing what people want you to write doesn't actually equal success. If you're anything like me, you might have trouble finding fiction that truly moves you. I think this is in large part because people try to write what other people want to read, and they leave their own feelings out of it. I have always felt that art is supposed to be an expression of emotion, and without that emotion, it is empty.

Think about books you have loved that other people did not like. Do you ever wish the author had written something else, to please the people that did not like it? Of course not. Whatever you write will probably not please most people, statistically speaking. If you have ever sat around, wishing you could find something to read that you connect with, remember that other people like you do the exact same thing. Those are the people you are writing for. You can connect with the few people who might be something like you, who need to hear what you have to say, and will always be grateful you wrote what you wanted to.

So the things you have learned in mind, because a lot of it is helpful. But one of the benefits of that knowledge is you better understand when it's okay to break the rules.

I tend to combine these two things in my head, as well: the writing that has most moved me has always seemed to be an effort of the author to come to terms with something. When you do this for yourself, it is useful. But when you give it to the world there will be someone out there who is helped by it, too. Necessarily, people who don't need to come to terms with the same sort of thing won't think much of it, but that's okay.
posted by Nattie at 11:00 PM on July 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

Something easy and fun to do is to write novel-length fanfiction of a fiction work you like. That way you have a goal (75000 words) and half the work is done, leaving you to deal only with the plot and character development.

If you need more pressure, use a popular universe (Harry Potter, for example), publish chapters as you finish them, and make it good/controversial enough to attract reviewers who want to read the next chapter NOW.
posted by Memo at 11:13 PM on July 4

I find reading the most poorly written piece of shit I can find to be greatly inspiring. If some quasi-literate schlub who thinks a plot is where you bury folk and character development only happens when you're getting film processed can churn out some potboiler worth publishing, then surely smart folk can manage too.

The fanfic writing tip above is also good. I use role play sessions in a storyteller setting (and the plotting and character development that it requires) in a similar way.

I'd also suggest roping in people who are your "target audience" to read what you're writing as you go. Nothing motivates like your flatmates pleading for the next chapter every chance they get.
posted by Jilder at 11:36 PM on July 4

Your first line is the giveaway: Stop defining yourself by your writing (or lack thereof). If it's such an integral of your psychological make-up, the pressure to perform is immense - and crippling.

Define yourself instead as a person, first and foremost, and if writing is part of what that person does, bonza. If not, well, that's no big deal. You're a nice person, writing isn't the be all and end all of who are.

To expand: Who cares if you need to take some time off, watch some tv or whatever for a month, or a year, or three; you don't need the writing to pay of your mortgage, and the only person watching is yourself.

Comparing yourself to others is what got you in this mess presumably ("I'm not sexy enough for all these literary shenanigans"), in beating yourself up so bad you're still comparing yourself to others: the tremendously prolific writers you see about the place. Don't stress about it man, when you've got something to say or feel like getting something down, go for it. And if you don't, you don't. You'll be surprised how similar a person you remain.
posted by smoke at 11:47 PM on July 4 [3 favorites has favorites]

I would start reading genre work--sci-fi, fantasies, westerns, horror novels, romance, anything--of any kind in massive quantities. Then, I would try writing some genre fiction.

I'm just barely on the other side of an MFA degree in poetry so I know what you're going through. My graduate school experience, in both the critical classes we were required to take, and the workshops, seemed to largely be an attempt at cultivating a sort of sense of "taste," in the hopes that students would see that there was both a right way of discussing work and a right type of work to produce. Pure aesthetic judgments were no longer okay, and writing the kind of work that I enjoyed was also taboo. One poetry professor said, of Rilke's novel, which I hated, that all someone needs for a great novel is an "intelligent young person and a city" and that just about made me want to scream, because I'm the type that needs, and deeply enjoys, a plot.

My reaction since graduating has been to read lots of stuff I enjoy. Stuff that my professors would snub their noses at--Stephen King, (good) Star Trek novels, lots and lots of feminist and YA sci-fi. I still read these like a writer: I can see their flaws, but also their strengths, namely gripping plots, functional and efficient prose, appealing characters. These books are never overwritten or drab. They're fun, though, and meant to appeal to a reader. After spending a long swathe of time around people who tried to convince me that the most important thing in writing was the meaning of it, the author's "true" intent (whatever that means), it's nice to really immerse myself in books where the enjoyment of the reader is paramount.

And, having started to write that way, I can tell you that it makes the writing process infinitely more fun. I think that the writer should be engaged through the process of writing fiction--it shows that the material is engaging and will be for a reader. So my advice is to read stuff, and write stuff, that you'd want to read. If you're reticent, it probably has something to do with the content. Maybe it's not fun. Maybe it's boring. Find something fun to write. The easier you make the writing process on you, as a writer, the easier it's going to be to get lots of practice and get good. And the easier the reading will be on your audience.

I'd also recommend Lawrence Block's (somewhat ancienct) Writing the Novel. He's a mystery writer with hundreds of titles to his name. His writing philosophy is somewhat simple--I'd say I could sum it up as "Just frigging keep writing"--but he's clearly someone who knows what he's talking about. Keeping at it is key. Everything else is just window dressing.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:19 AM on July 5 [1 favorite has favorites]

Those speed-writing exercises, I find, are a great way of getting me out of my head and just writing -- you know, the ones where you set a timer for ten minutes and write about something quirky ("you get a letter from the president -- what does it say? Why did he write you? Did you write back? What happens next? Set a timer for ten minutes -- go.") There's no guarantee you'll end up with anything good during these exercises, but it does break up the in-your-head cerebralizing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:46 AM on July 5

Writing is a job (or a hobby), not an identity. Seriously, the sooner you let go of "I am a writer" and get into "I am writing," the better.

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg is another book that many folks find helpful.

And doing timed writing, as folks have already suggested, can be immensely useful as a jump-start. Google "writing prompts," find a collection of prompts, and just work through them.

Best of luck to you.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:12 AM on July 5

Stop thinking and start writing.

I am reading The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth, Ph.D. She speaks of "Trouble at The Border" (pg. 25), where one is faced with moving thought into action--into physical reality--and the energy shift required to do so...moving from a free-flowing thought process into a dense feeling of inertia and doubt. The doctor's book guides readers over the "border." At this time I can't make specific suggestions for your liftoff--for getting a writing project off the ground--but I tell you all this because, for me, the visualization of my own trouble at the border also helps me visualize crossing it (e.g., start writing) and make mental preparations to expend the energy to do so. Since I've started reading this book, I find myself thinking (obsessing?) less and doing more.

hth
posted by ritabean1 at 9:05 AM on July 7

Take the useful parts of what you've learned and blow the rest it off. For real. Blow it off. The person who tried to cram John Gardner down your throat or tried to convince you that all fiction should be read through a post-feminist prism or that all work is inherently about man's estrangement from God or whatever the fuck -- kick that motherfucker right out of your writing room. And kick that motherfucker hard. Make him cry, because he deserves it. Imagine some trolly little creep following supermodels around and telling them how ugly they are and you've got the stereotypical toxic writing instructor, which is what it sounds like you have encountered. That person is BAD for you and is in the one place s/he can make a living: Academia.

I'll put it to you like this: I had a writing instructor who was actually a pretty awesome guy in many respects. I really believe he wanted to help students, in his way, and that he did his best to approach every student's work with an open mind and an understanding that not every student wants to write Underworld when s/he grows up. But he had a huge disgust and disdain for popular fiction. And his first novel? It was self-published. There's nothing wrong with self-publishing, but let me tell you, it is no recipe for economic success. Do you know whose novels weren't self-published? Brad Meltzer's. Danielle Steel's. J.K. Rowling's. Stephen King's. Dan God-help-us-all Brown's. These people are RICH. Think about it.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:34 AM on July 12 [1 favorite has favorites]