After a break-up and social ostracization, what should my next steps be?
May 8, 2009 8:49 PM Subscribe
Break-ups, moving, planning out my future, and everything in between. What do I do now?
posted by anonymous to human relations (14 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I am finding myself in a position of turmoil for a large number of reasons, and I'm trying to figure out what next to do with my life, and how to sort through all of my options.
I'm currently in a dead-end job. It's easy, the pay is low but liveable, it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't know what I want to do with my life, actually--my attempts at attending school have all failed and I'm feeling pretty directionless. The only think I consider seriously is joining the military but I'm not even ready for that yet. There's issue #1.
Issue #2 is tangentially related to the job. After the break-up of my long-term relationship almost two months ago I've experienced almost total ostracization from all of my friends in the immediate area. Solution is to make new groups of friends, right? But even in the best frame of mind I'm pretty terrible at producing friendships out of thin air, and right now my job's hours don't leave a lot of extra time for socialization and many nights I feel too demoralized about my situation to put a lot of energy into it. All I want to do is spend my time on a hobby of mine that brings me a lot of joy and relief, but unfortunately has a very small community around it that also has gravitated towards the ex.
So due to feel lost career-wise and outcast socially, I feel like there's no future in my current location. I have been thinking about re-establishing myself in a different city where I have other friend groups who would be more amenable to hanging out with me and other communities of people interested in my hobby--right now thinking somewhere in Florida, DC, or Philly. Maybe then getting over the break-up would be easier and I wouldn't feel so crazy and cooped-up right now. And though my background is almost entirely dead-end service jobs, it seems like those are always available anywhere and my references are all pretty stellar so I'm not terribly worried about my job prospects.
However, I love the city I'm currently in, and though my job is dead-end I don't mind the work or co-workers, and really, really hate moving--I moved a lot when I was a kid so it means a lot to me to live in a place that feels like home. Maybe I should take this as a challenge to myself to try to make new friends and develop my ability to socialize. I'm also worried about the change in cost-of-living (my current city has a very low COL), and my ability to support myself given that dead-end service jobs don't tend to pay much. I also don't have a lot of financial resources, so there is not a lot of room for error and city-hopping here.
My lease is up in a couple of weeks, and I feel pressured to decide what to do now--if I decide to stay where I am, I currently have a pretty sweet living situation and wouldn't want to leave.
How should I guide myself? How should I figure out what to do? What should my main steps be? I am feeling overwhelmed with options and could use some guidance.