Toilet lid etiquette

April 29, 2009 8:52 AM

Are guests rightfully exempt from lowering the toilet lid?

Please note: In this question, I’m asking about the toilet lid (which essentially covers and “closes” the toilet), not the toilet seat. Don't worry - I’m not trying to initiate debate over which way of leaving it is most hygienic.

In our house, we always keep the lid on the toilet lowered when it’s not in use. I’ve noticed that when guests use our bathroom (most often, women), in most cases they leave the lid up. Because my guests are typically conscientious, considerate, and clean, I’m wondering if leaving it up is actually the “right” thing to do when visiting someone else’s house (i.e., they would be exercising their right as a guest to not unduly touch a toilet lid) rather than leaving it as they found it. This “guest option” occurred to me after using the toilet at someone else’s house – I was about to lower the lid after use, but found myself slightly reluctant to touch it. I went ahead and lowered it anyway, but am wondering if I could leave the toilet lid up at others’ houses and thereby still practice good etiquette?

I’m in the U.S., as that may matter.

FWIW, I asked one guest about it (the only one I really can, of course: my mother—who lowers the lid at her own house but leaves it up at mine). She apparently isn’t doing it intentionally.

posted by dreamphone to home & garden (66 comments total)

Yes, guests are exempt from lowering the lid.

In fact, you should not put the lid down when you have guests, so they know what they are getting into before they lift the lid. They can check visually before entering the toilet zone.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 8:55 AM on April 29

I don't think there is toilet seat etiquette. I would probably leave it up because I leave it up at my house so that's what I'm used to, but it would never cross my mind that there is a right or wrong choice in the matter. The only exception I can think of is a house with a toddler in it... I generally shut the lid because I am paranoid about the kid getting in the toilet and drowning and having it be all my fault.
posted by amro at 8:56 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Wow. I never, ever thought about this. Interesting question! Note: I am not a germ freak at all, but I don't lower it because I don't at my house and that's my habit. I always leave mine open because my cats like to drink out of the toilet -- gross, I know. I suspect people do whatever they normally do at their own house.
posted by Punctual at 8:56 AM on April 29

It's just a toilet lid - if you wash your hands afterward like you're supposed to, this becomes a moot point.

I always leave it the way I found it, assuming that the host prefers it whichever position it is in when I enter the bathroom.
posted by meerkatty at 8:56 AM on April 29 [2 favorites]

I would assume your guests aren't in the habit of lowering the lid at their own house, so they don't even think about it in someone else's house. Or they may assume that you closed the lid especially for them, as a way to indicate "this toilet is clean and fresh just for you!" and now that they've used it, it's effectively "unwrapped" and there's no need to close it again.

But really, I think you may be giving this more thought than anyone else is. When you're a guest, I'd say leave the lid however you feel comfortable leaving it. I can't imagine many people would really notice, and it seems unlikely to me that anyone would mind as long as you're generally considerate of their space (sounds like you would be!)
posted by pseudostrabismus at 8:57 AM on April 29

I leave the lid down, even at other people's houses, because they often have pets. The only way I've found to keep any dog from drinking out of the toilet is to keep the lid down.
posted by jenkinsEar at 8:59 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

You're willing to touch the seat with your butt but not the lid with your hands? Put the lid down. Then wash your hands.

And don't make a big deal about it when someone forgets. Seriously, it is a much bigger faux pas to even mention it to your guests than to leave the seat up.

Like many etiquette rules: be conservative in what you do, and liberal in what you accept from others.
posted by grouse at 9:00 AM on April 29 [18 favorites]

Personally, I hate it when I encounter a toilet with the lid down. I assume it's down for a reason -- really filthy toilet bowl, or something else worth hiding -- and I get scared to lift it.
I leave the toilet lid up when I'm at other peoples' homes, because closing it, to me, means "I made this toilet too gross to look at."
posted by chowflap at 9:02 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

I usually make a point to leave the toilet as I found it, for both the lid and the seat.

And I concur with grouse re: "conservative in what you do, liberal in what you accept."
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 9:03 AM on April 29 [2 favorites]

We appreciate it when our guests notice that we leave the lid down. We have cats (who jump up on the seat regularly) and a dog who might get the idea to drink out of it. That said, when I go to someone else's house, I try to leave the seat as I've found it. I have to admit that I will often leave the seat down regardless because I didn't notice when I got in there or from habit.
posted by Kimberly at 9:04 AM on April 29

When you flush, an aerosol of the matter in the toilet bowl flies up into the room. Leaving the lid up while flushing thus causes more of your intestinal flora to settle on your host's toothbrush than is really necessary. That's rude.
posted by Ery at 9:06 AM on April 29 [5 favorites]

I had this exact quandary when on vacation in the Netherlands last month. At home we keep the lid down, but the family we were staying with kept theirs up. I just did what they do and left the lid up.

Like you, though, I noticed that guests leave the lid up in our house - and the door ajar, too, which bugs the hell out of me. I always assumed they just did what they do in their own home.
posted by Dragonness at 9:06 AM on April 29

Leave it as you found it. If it was down, there might be a reason (ie: pets, kids, etc.).
posted by Simon Barclay at 9:07 AM on April 29

I can't tell you how annoyed I get (silently, to myself) when guests don't return the toilet seat to it's original position - in my house, it's down. I've seen one too many a story about the spray caused by toilet flushing.

I don't say anything but I do close the lid if/when I see it while guests are over. And when I'm in someone else's house, I leave the lid in the position I found it (almost always up -ew), no matter how skeeved out I am about it.

So, to answer: I think guests are probably exempt but I do wish people would pay attention in other people's homes.
posted by cooker girl at 9:09 AM on April 29 [2 favorites]

Yeah, leave it how you found it. I was always a big proponent of leaving the whole mess in the up position (so I can pee in the dark at night) until we got a cat. Who likes to fish. Even in clean water.
posted by notsnot at 9:11 AM on April 29

Well, we are a lid closed kind of household here. And I have found guests leave the lid up, leave the whole seat up and also forget to flush or live by the axiom, "When it's yellow...."

Still. I would never mention it to them. That's rude.
posted by amanda at 9:18 AM on April 29

Personally, I hate it when I encounter a toilet with the lid down. I assume it's down for a reason -- really filthy toilet bowl, or something else worth hiding -- and I get scared to lift it.

As other people have noted, its all about the spray ... so, really, its keeping the "gross" stuff inside the toilet rather than letting it spray all over the bathroom.
posted by anastasiav at 9:20 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

I was raised, in the US, that when one is a guest, one leaves the toilet seat in the condition in which you found it.

Therefore, if the seat and the lid are up, I put them back up after use. If the lid was down, I lower it. Their house, I do things their way.
posted by QIbHom at 9:27 AM on April 29

At home, I always keep the lid down when not in use. No matter how clean the toilet is, it squicks me out to think about having to fish out anything that might fall in. When the lid is down, nothing can fall in.
posted by marsha56 at 9:27 AM on April 29

Really, it's never occurred to me to think about the toilet seat position, but maybe that's because I've always had roommates. It's a little scary to think I've been annoying my hosts all these years.

I have visited houses that had little notes asking that the seat be up or down (usually related to handicaps and pets, respectively). If you feel really strongly that might be the way to go.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:30 AM on April 29

Woah. I'm not a lid closer, but will have to think about doing this at other people's houses....
posted by kestrel251 at 9:30 AM on April 29

I'm another one who sees the lid down as a "do not use" signal. Like chowflap, I'll avoid opening it because I assume that either the toilet is in appalling condition or whomever used it last clogged it or something.

Similarly, I would never dream of closing a bathroom door behind me when I was done, since the immediate association is that the room is either already in use or not to be used.

I feel that it's horribly rude to open things (doors, cupboards, whatever) at people's houses without permission. From my perspective, leaving the door ajar and the toilet seat up is a visual signal to a guest that it's okay to enter and use this room. Probably not a signal that most people really think about, but I'd argue that there's an subconscious connection.
posted by MeghanC at 9:32 AM on April 29

Lid is always closed. Otherwise what's the point in there being a lid? It can't be just for those horrible lid covers to match the foot mat.
posted by sephira at 9:33 AM on April 29 [2 favorites]

Re: The flush "spray," I remember someone telling me that it stays airborne for quite a while. So if you open the lid an hour after you flushed the toilet with the lid closed, it will release the airborne particles then anyway. (Though, isn't it pretty much just water, anyway? I mean, all the gross stuff is at the bottom of the pool of water when it's flushed away. This would make an interesting AskMe, actually.)

On topic, I do try to leave the lid the way I found it when I am away from my home bathrooms (especially if they have toddlers/pets). I don't think it's weird when my guests lower the lid, or don't. It's just not something I think about.
posted by chowflap at 9:37 AM on April 29

I don't think I've ever come across a down toilet seat cover ... you people are weird.

Like you, though, I noticed that guests leave the lid up in our house - and the door ajar, too, which bugs the hell out of me.

At least in all the homes I've lived in, ajar means "no one here, come on in". This became even more important when I became Deaf, since knocking on the door is pointless then (whether it's me knocking to see if someone's there, or someone else knocking when I'm in there). It bugs the hell out of me when people don't leave the door ajar.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 9:39 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

It's considered bad feng shui to leave the lid up.

I am totally surprised at the number of people who assume a closed lid is hiding a gross toilet. What a bizarre concept (to me)!
posted by widdershins at 9:42 AM on April 29

I enjoy AskMe because I learn all kinds of new things. I am a lid keeper-downer. Prior to this morning, it would never have occurred to me that somewhere on this earth, there is the train of thought that says a lowered toilet lid

means "I made this toilet too gross to look at."

I thought I was just creating an additional fuzzy place to sit, but now I know that I am housing a refugee prop from Trainspotting.
posted by sageleaf at 9:44 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Many people here have given answers that depend on the unwarranted assumption that the condition in which they find the toilet seat is the condition in which the host prefers it to be left. When there are several guests, what basis is there for such an assumption? It the lid is up, it could just as easily be because a guest has left it up. It seems more answers here indicate frustration at a left-up lid, and few are furious about left-down lids. Because of this (and given how minor an affront a temporarily incorrectly-left toilet seat lid is in the grand scheme of things) I would leave it down regardless.
posted by onshi at 9:45 AM on April 29

I'm another one who sees the lid down as a "do not use" signal. Like chowflap, I'll avoid opening it because I assume that either the toilet is in appalling condition or whomever used it last clogged it or something.

I never thought about it, but I absolutely interpret this the same way. Although I also have a healthy fear of popping up a toilet lid only to find my fingers perilously close to a large bug, which says a lot more about the dangers of growing up in a semi-arid environment where bugs are attracted to the water than what is likely to actually happen in DC. (Cockroaches are the everpresent danger here. Blergh.)

It literally never occurred to me that I could be offending my hosts by leaving the toilet seat up--if anything, I would assume it would be the more polite choice, because then they don't have to have The Dread when approaching the toilet after a party. I may have to revisit my stance on the issue, obviously.

So, to answer your question: yes, guests are exempt, because I assume not everyone has the same "default" toilet lid position, and I doubt most people are even AWARE that there's a way to do things other than how they are accustomed to doing it. Most people don't (thank god) talk about their bathroom habits much with their friends.
posted by iminurmefi at 9:54 AM on April 29

I also have a healthy fear of popping up a toilet lid only to find my fingers perilously close to a large bug,

Me too! Only I never thought about it before. I hate having to put my fingers under any sort of ledge unless I have gloves on in case there's something under there.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:58 AM on April 29

I was traumatized when I was a teenager because I was a guest in someone's house on a day I had a migraine and in a fog I forgot to flush and the host later mentioned it in the "Just to let you know, in our house..." sort of way. The embarrassment of that experience has driven me to obsess about triple checking that I've flushed and put the seat down and to scour around looking for air freshener to use every time when I'm a guest. And if I can find air freshener I even spray it directly in the bowl too. But it never occurred to me to be scrupulous about leaving the bathroom door closed so now my entire life is flashing before my eyes.

But, I genuinely don't care what other people do when they visit my house.
posted by XMLicious at 10:00 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

My self-consciousness is making me type that I don't go through people's medicine cabinets or drawers looking for air freshener, I just look all over the bathroom.
posted by XMLicious at 10:03 AM on April 29

I have never thought of this before and people's answers are surprising me.
I'm with the minority here that encountering a toilet lid down is not good. In fact, until this post (besides maybe a house or two where it was obvious the pet was trying to get into the toilet) I have never realized that some people would always put the cover down.

If someone puts the lid down or shuts the door after leaving the bathroom, I would automatically assume that means something like "....don't go in there for a while." Therefore, I feel a little apprehensive entering a bathroom like that, and even if it seems to be OK, lifting the lid gives that same feeling. Looking back, I wonder if I might subconsciously hold my breath or something.

To me, putting the cover down is only for needing to stand on the toilet to reach something, keeping a cat or dog out, or trying to hide something. Perhaps I should change my thinking though, as I never realized this wasn't always the case.
posted by nzydarkxj at 10:07 AM on April 29

I always request that my guests put the lid back down. But I have a good reason: if they don't, within seconds of leaving the bathroom, one of my cats will be in there, standing with both front paws in the bowl, drinking the water.
posted by FishBike at 10:11 AM on April 29

No way. You should never flush the toilet with the lid up, germs fly everywhere, particularly so in high water-level American-style toilets (and your toothbrush should never be within two metres of the toilet). Aways close the lid before you flush, regardless of where you are, thhen wash your hands.
posted by goo at 10:14 AM on April 29

And... the above comment was posted without reading the thread. Concurring with the others mentioning the 'spray', and also with grouse that one should be liberal in what one expects of others. Just never leave your toothbrush near the toilet!
posted by goo at 10:20 AM on April 29

Ugh. Clean or not, I hate looking into the gaping maw of the toilet. Also, it's been a very long time since I have had a bathroom larger than a linen closet so closing the lid is practical -- it keeps things from falling in! The bathrooms in my life for the last ten years have been a tetris-like storage nightmare so there's no way an open toilet gets to take up that much space. It's a seat, it's another flat surface to set stuff on, the back of the toilet frequently has a basket of odds and ends. I don't like fishing things out of the toilet. Thus, lid down. I can't imagine any friend of mine having a toilet so disgusting that they would leave the lid down to hide it and hope that I don't need to use the bathroom. I mean, past college anyway.
posted by amanda at 10:22 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

I always make a note of how it was when I went into the bathroom and make sure to put it down if it was down. Although I don't think most people care to notice such things.

Except at my parent's place, they never lower the lid, so I try to get them to do it by always lowering it when I'm visiting, just so they get used to seeing it down.

But I wouldn't do that kind of thing with friends. Maybe a boyfriend if I was trying to change his ways =P
posted by KateHasQuestions at 10:23 AM on April 29

your toothbrush should never be within two metres of the toilet

Seriously? How does anyone manage this? My whole bathroom is only about 2x2 meters, probably a bit less, and it's far from the smallest bathroom that I've had. If I were to follow this advice, I'd have to clean my teeth in the kitchen. (Which...maybe that's what I'm supposed to do?)
posted by MeghanC at 10:24 AM on April 29

Door open, lid down. But I have a cat that likes to 'play' in the water, and those few times I had forgotten to put the lid down, I found things like catnip mice, washcloths, and once my toothbrush, floating in the bowl. Its is now an ingrained habit to put the lid down. I really do not want another toothbrush in the toilet bowl scenario. I do agree that door closed = bathroom being used, so when I'm done I leave the door open.

However, I really don't bother too much about what guests do. I will mention I prefer the 'lid down so Icarus doesn't play in it', but if guests forget its no big deal and I try to emphasize its not them or their habit that is wrong or weird, its my cat that is weird.
posted by sandraregina at 10:25 AM on April 29

Also, the spray thing? Really? I feel like a commercial toilet, like in a restaurant or gas station or even office, has the ability to "spray" but my toilet? It doesn't spray. It rather gently swirls, in fact. I suppose a few molecules of water may get into the air but I really don't think it sprays. In fact, I'm going to have to "la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you" any evidence to the contrary because I feel like worrying about this is contrary to living a normal life.
posted by amanda at 10:29 AM on April 29

I would say that in general one should leave toilet seats how you find them, but the idea of leaving it open so there are no nasty surprises is an intriguing one I'll have to think more about.
posted by alexherder at 10:30 AM on April 29

Ery When you flush, an aerosol of the matter in the toilet bowl flies up into the room. Leaving the lid up while flushing thus causes more of your intestinal flora to settle on your host's toothbrush than is really necessary. That's rude.

This is exactly why I do not keep my toothbrush in the same room as the toilet. Ever.
posted by paisley henosis at 10:32 AM on April 29

The Straight Dope, 1999, just FYI:

As Professor Gerba's research would later determine, however, the bathroom was hardly the most dangerous part of the house, microbe-wise. The real pesthole: the kitchen sponge or dishcloth, where fecal coliform bacteria from raw meat and such could fester in a damp, nurturing (for a germ) environment. Next came the kitchen sink, the bathroom sink, and the kitchen faucet handle. The toilet seat was the least contaminated of 15 household locales studied. "If an alien came from space and studied the bacterial counts," the professor says, "he probably would conclude he should wash his hands in your toilet and crap in your sink."
posted by Skot at 10:39 AM on April 29 [7 favorites]

Personally, I hate it when I encounter a toilet with the lid down. I assume it's down for a reason -- really filthy toilet bowl, or something else worth hiding -- and I get scared to lift it.

That's crazy. People in the habit of leaving chunky, stew-like fecal messes in the toilet are not the sort of people who would fastidiously close the toilet lid.

A closed toilet lid generally signals that someone keeps their toilet clean.
posted by jayder at 10:39 AM on April 29

Are Americans the only people who dwell on these sort of questions? Boy, have our mothers done a job on us!! In my house, seat down; lid up. And God forbid if you EVER leave the seat up. Even my ultra liberal child rearing daughter teaches my two grandsons that mantra and they have to go back if she finds the seat up.
posted by birdwatcher at 10:44 AM on April 29

When you flush, an aerosol of the matter in the toilet bowl flies up into the room. Leaving the lid up while flushing thus causes more of your intestinal flora to settle on your host's toothbrush than is really necessary. That's rude.

your toothbrush should never be within two metres of the toilet

FWIW, Mythbusters tackled this in one episode and found this to be not exactly the case. Toothbrushes close to the toilet, far from the toilet, and even those outside of the bathroom were found to have the same number of fecal germs on them.

I prefer the lid to be down, always. Too many times have I been not wearing my glasses and knocked something over only to have it bounce off the lid. I do not want to have to fish a brush/comb/hair clip/floss container from the bottom of the toilet.

That said, I just moved into a place that heats the toilet bowl water. If the lid is left down, some condensation forms on the underside of the lid. This is the strangest thing I have ever seen, and I am reconsidering my lid-always-down stance.
posted by rhapsodie at 10:44 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Yes, guests are exempt. As this thread illustrates, there is no standard lid convention, and guests are not expected to know/follow your personal convention. This applies to the seat, too.
posted by equalpants at 11:14 AM on April 29

Awesome. I've idly wondered about this for some time now, and am delighted that your responses yielded factors I've never considered (i.e., perfectly sound reasons that some people might intentionally leave the seat up). Precisely what I was hoping for. Thanks to all for going there with me.
posted by dreamphone at 11:28 AM on April 29

I just moved into a place that heats the toilet bowl water

I've never heard of such a thing. Why is it done? Seems like an outrageous waste of energy.
posted by Dragonness at 11:47 AM on April 29

I'm guessing it is not done intentionally, and that there is just a wrong pipe connection for the toilet. If you're paying the bills for hot water, I would get it fixed ASAP, if it's a landlord, I would let them know.

As for toilet seat lids, I feel my guests would be missing out on the coolest feature of our new bathroom in our new apt if they didn't put the lid down, as it automatically slowly lowers itself down, so no accidental slams are possible. Cool!
posted by Grither at 12:39 PM on April 29

My dad got a label maker a couple of years ago. One of the first things he did was make labels that say "Please close the lid" and stuck them to the inside of the lid of both toilets in the house. I think that's going a bit far, but whatever... my dad's like that.

I am another who tends to leave the toilet lid the way I find it. Personally, I grew up closing it because who wants to drop something in the toilet? Especially from the cabinets above the toilet. I know at least one person who wants her toilet lids closed because otherwise her dogs drink from the toilet.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:40 PM on April 29

It's a lid. If it wasn't meant to be closed, it wouldn't be on there.

Anyone who says anything different is a goddamn slob and not welcome in my house or near my children.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:41 PM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Wait, so people leave gross messes in the toilet and then DON'T take care of them -- they instead just close the lid and walk away? That sounds way ruder than either leaving it up or leaving it down against the wishes of the host!

Count me as one who wishes my guests would leave the lid down at all times due to spray factor.
posted by evinrude at 12:43 PM on April 29 [1 favorite]

I've never even thought of this before.

I read somewhere that it's good Feng Shui to close the lid before you flush (something about flushing your money and good chi away if you leave it up), so I've just always gotten into the habit of closing the lid before I flush. (Hey- whatever helps, you know?)

I guess I do that at other people's homes too out of habit at my own home.
posted by NoraCharles at 1:02 PM on April 29

I leave the lid up at my house. My toilet and bathroom are clean. I am not a slob. I leave it like I found it at other people's houses. Occasionally people try to be helpful and put the lid down at my house. Since I live alone and rarely share my bathroom, I'm more likely to get up and go to the bathroom in the dark. If the lid is down, I sit on it. Not a huge deal, but disruptive to my patterns. That said, I rarely think about the toilet when I am not reading AskMe.
posted by jessamyn at 1:19 PM on April 29 [2 favorites]

I ask guests to close it, because the cat drinks out of it otherwise.
posted by sarcasticah at 1:19 PM on April 29

Down. Always down. I even put it down at other people's houses, because I grew up in a house with the seat down and wouldn't even think to pee without first lifting the lid and seat.

In fact, when using a toilet to do #1, I always lift the seat. Even if it's one of those public bathroom U-shaped seats with the pee-hole in front. (I will admit that I do this with my foot though. Just catch the edge of the lid with the toe of my shoe and flip it up. I mean, public toilet, right? I use my hands at home.)
posted by caution live frogs at 1:35 PM on April 29

And this is why, years and years later, I still come to MetaFilter. Goodness only knows how many posts on whether or not your guests should put the lid down, with digressions into pet care, germ theory, cleaning habits and feng shui? Awesome.

My .02? Lid down, it's what it's there for. At our house, animals will drink out of it otherwise, dropping stuff in factor is high.

As for the lid closed = nasty surprise? Ew, people. Clean up after yourselves.

And lastly, door closed: we have a half bath specifically for guests (well, we use it too, but you know what I mean). We never leave that door open; it leads on to our living room/great room/whatever you want to call it. Open door = looking into the bathroom. My cue for occupancy is whether you can see the light under the door, but after reading this post, I may rethink this when having guests to keeping it ajar; the last thing I want is for my guests to feel uncomfortable when attempting to use the facilities.

As for whether you should expect your guests to do what you want - if you aren't willing to be totally anal retentive and leave instructions, I say take it as you find it and move on.
posted by jennaratrix at 1:56 PM on April 29 [1 favorite]

In my house, we have old plumbing and a toilet that can be temperamental with regard to how many flushes it needs to clear. I flush with the lid up to make sure it clears and do the same as a guest in someone's home; I don't think I've ever closed the lid afterward because I just don't think about it. (I have pets that drink out of the toilet, but I also have a bathroom door that closes.)

So are we saying that I'm supposed to close the lid, flush, open the lid to check that it flushed and then close the lid again? And do the same as a guest in someone's home, because I don't know what their toilet is like?
posted by cosmic osmo at 2:53 PM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Huh, I've never thought of this before. I close the lid when I flush at home, and don't bother opening it again. But at a guest's house I'll make sure everything is flushed. Don't want to be embarrassed later.
posted by biochemist at 4:21 PM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Um, I don't leave a mess and close the lid. I HAVE opened a closed lid and seen things that haunt my worst nightmares.
posted by chowflap at 4:57 PM on April 29

In someone else's house, I almost always put the lid down, no matter how I found it.

Now I am freaked out that my own toilet doesn't HAVE a lid. I'm just thankful the intestinal flora on my toothbrush haven't killed me already.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:33 PM on April 29

Okay, in a thread this long I'm shocked that nobody has mentioned growing up in a house where flushing while someone was in the shower turned the shower water cold for 5 minutes. THAT is why you would leave a nasty surprise in the toilet - if you urgently needed to go but knew someone was in the shower and didn't want to give them a cold shock. Yes, in an ideal world you'd always remember to go back once they were out and flush it, but sometimes life gets in the way.

Am I the only person here who grew up under these circumstances? My dad would yell something awful if we gave him a cold shock. So THAT is why I fear a Bad Surprise when I see a shut toilet seat.
posted by crinklebat at 7:33 PM on April 29

'm shocked that nobody has mentioned growing up in a house where flushing while someone was in the shower turned the shower water cold for 5 minutes. THAT is why you would leave a nasty surprise in the toilet

Oh yeah, I lived in this situation ALL THE TIME. I found a solution. With the lid closed (with toilets that have them, duh), you put a small object on top of the lid indicating "Yeah, you want to flush this first." In my home, it was a rubber ducky, but any object would work.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:17 AM on April 30

I'm pleased with this thread because it semi-validates my irrational fear of being surprised by poo when I lift the toilet seat. Every time I lift the seat I cringe.

But in our apartment, the flusher has the force of a geyser so we always have to close the lid before we flush. If not, water will literally spurt out of the toilet onto the bathroom floor. Sometimes I forget to tell guests this, unfortunately. When I'm back at home, though, the toilet lids are never closed. Perhaps it was just an extra, unnecessary step?

To answer your question, yes, I believe that guests are exempt from lowering the lid. I don't think it's the 'right' or 'wrong' way to do things, but instead a leftover habit from their own residence. It's not something that one thinks about (until now, that is) and in all probability your guests would not be able to tell you if they had left the seat up or down.

If you prefer to keep the toilet lids closed after use each time, there are lid covers that won't allow the lid to stay in the upright position. The puffier lid covers will make the lid fall back down again after the user stands up.
posted by amicamentis at 1:20 PM on April 30