What should I do with 240 porn magazines?

April 15, 2009 11:31 AM

My friend is getting married and just gave me his porn collection! A cursory count makes it about 240 magazines. It's mostly hetero mags from the late 80's, early 90's. What fun and creative thing could I do with them?

In the past, I've done some "high concept" events like this and this so incorporating the porn as giveaways was my first thought, but I thought I would ask the hive mind for fun and creative ways to otherwise make use of the porn. Thanks in advance!

posted by Sully to sports, hobbies, & recreation (39 answers total)

Wallpaper.

Decoupage.

Greeting cards.

Flyers for aforementioned events.

Pornagami?
posted by elsietheeel at 11:36 AM on April 15, 2009

An edgy new line of handmade piñatas?
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 11:39 AM on April 15, 2009

Leave them in the woods for some lucky kids.
posted by porn in the woods at 11:41 AM on April 15, 2009 [93 favorites]

You could collage cut-outs onto a piece of furniture and then seal it up. We did this at a party once; we spray painted base colors, let everyone wild on it with paint markers, and applied cut-outs from vintage Industrial Design magazines with UHU stick. The girl who hosted the party sealed it with polyurethane later. You can do this yourself, of course, but making it into a party was extra fun.
posted by Juliet Banana at 11:42 AM on April 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

You could pull a Joe Orton.
posted by govtdrone at 11:43 AM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

if he hasnt had it yet they'd make great decorations for his bachelor party. print out a bunch of color pictures of his face and put them on top of the dudes' faces. or the chicks'.
posted by ElmerFishpaw at 11:49 AM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

This gives a better explanation of "pulling a Joe Orton."
posted by ocherdraco at 11:57 AM on April 15, 2009

From the '80's and 90's? Man, you are sitting on a treasure trove of archeological evidence that human females once had pubic hair!
posted by dinger at 12:02 PM on April 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

From the '80's and 90's? Man, you are sitting on a treasure trove of archeological evidence that human females once had pubic hair!
And natural breasts!
posted by govtdrone at 12:03 PM on April 15, 2009

Hedge them in your attic and wait for the unravelling of industrial civilization, then sell them page by page (maybe even bit by bit, for bargain hunters) to pay for eggs and milk.

I'm telling you, when the lights go out printed pornography will be like gold!
posted by General Tonic at 12:09 PM on April 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

Take a decorating hint from J. Edgar Hoover--(from Ehrlichman's memoir):

"Near the door was a small bar. All the walls over and near this counter were decorated with girlie pinups of the old Esquire vintage. Even the lampshade of a small lamp on the bar had naked women pasted on it. The effect of this display was to engender disbelief -- it seemed totally contrived. That impression was reinforced when Hoover deliberately called our attention to his naughty gallery, as if it were something he wanted us to know about J. Edgar Hoover.

Nixon had enjoyed the dinner conversation, but he was not comfortable in this strange basement. After one drink, he exercised the Presidential prerogative; he said good night and we left."

Even better, you could do a kitchy riff on this by making porn lampshades interspersed with pictures of J. Edgar Hoover himself popping out at odd angles. That's what I'd do, anyway.
posted by aquafortis at 12:09 PM on April 15, 2009

I once got paid $50 to throw out a family friends' 30+ year collection of pornography, including magazines, VHS, and even old 8mm film reels (there was so much porn that it was several hours work to box it all up and haul it from the attic where it was stored to a pre-approved dumpster). Later that night, I dressed up in a suit and borrowed a pickup truck into which all of the porn was moved. It pretty much filled the bed of a small truck. After diving into the porn like some sort of perverse Scrooge McDuck, I drove around town distributing free pornography to anyone who wanted some. It was a magical evening, to be sure.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 12:12 PM on April 15, 2009 [29 favorites]

Mail 20 apiece to the first 12 people that answer this question.
posted by jbickers at 12:13 PM on April 15, 2009

donate them to one of those fertility clinics where husbands have to spunk in a jar for their wives.
posted by fumbducker at 12:17 PM on April 15, 2009

Give them back to him in six months, at which point reality should have begun to set in.
posted by saladin at 12:18 PM on April 15, 2009 [11 favorites]

Congratulate him on his marriage. Tell him you'll hold onto it until he wants it back. Start a pool to see how long it takes...
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 12:21 PM on April 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Grant him visiting rights.
posted by ijsbrand at 12:24 PM on April 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I use an old Valentines' chocolate box for condom storage; I decoupaged the inside of it with cut-outs of penises from porn magazines. Something like that, maybe.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:24 PM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Keep them and occasionally jerk off to them.
posted by bondcliff at 12:25 PM on April 15, 2009 [21 favorites]

I use an old Valentines' chocolate box for condom storage; I decoupaged the inside of it with cut-outs of penises from porn magazines.
That is genius! Now I know what I am going to give my friend for her birthday.
posted by govtdrone at 12:27 PM on April 15, 2009

*Keep them and occasionally jerk off to them.*

Funniest thing I've read all week...made even more funny because it's a perfectly acceptable answer.

+1
posted by teg4rvn at 12:29 PM on April 15, 2009

makeasuitmakeasuitmakeasuit.

MAKE A SUIT.
posted by Lemurrhea at 12:41 PM on April 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Leave them in the woods for some weirded-out geocachers.
posted by box at 12:50 PM on April 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

You could slip one under the pile of mags at your doctor's or dentist's office. Same for laundromats or hair dressers.

(Once, I saw this glossy mag partially buried in the sand. . .An image of a bare leg was all I could see. . .I took the time to nudge the mag out of the sand and found, to my bemusement, that it was a Yoga Journal. . .)
posted by Danf at 12:55 PM on April 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Definitely bring it up at the wedding when it's your turn to make a toast. Good times.
posted by emelenjr at 12:58 PM on April 15, 2009

Drop them off at an old folks' home or "retirement community" or whatever they're calling them these days...it'll give the old guys something to do, and the old ladies something to complain about.

Surreptitiously slip some into a Christian Science Reading Room, preferably between religious tracts.

Donate them to your local library for it's annual Friends Of The Library sale.

If you have any younger male relatives, and need household chores like lawn care, house painting, car washing, etc., done, use them as barter material.
posted by motown missile at 1:15 PM on April 15, 2009

Back in my young & foolhardy days, I had a small stash of magazines to dispose of. My friends and I made an evening of tearing out each page, walking through the local strip mall parking lot, and carefully placing a page under the windshield wipers of every car we found.

I wouldn't go and do this myself these days, but I like to think that we livened up a whole lot of people's evenings.
posted by ekstasis23 at 1:21 PM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Masturbate to them?
posted by sickinthehead at 1:41 PM on April 15, 2009

The obvious answer is SELL them. People will pay good money for 'vintage' porn. (Provided of course that the pages arent stuck together...)
posted by stumpyolegmcnoleg at 1:56 PM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

My first post-dorm living situation, friends and I moved into a house and found the previous occupant had left a massive stash of porn. After inviting several friends to take anything they wanted, we left the rest in a stack near the TV along with some scissors and tape, and over time anyone who got bored watching TV would work on what became a massive porn collage on one wall. It was mostly cartoon porn, though, which was possibly more amusing and less disturbing than a college made of porn with actual people.

Were I to have a massive ongoing porn collage project in my house again, I would probably go all-out and buy a bunch of scrapbooking supplies or something to maximize the collage potential.

Do not do this unless you can temporarily remove the porn collage, and/or are fine with any and all visitors seeing it. Roommates' parents always got a little horrified when they came over and walked into what came to be known as The Porn Room.
posted by Stacey at 2:36 PM on April 15, 2009

Make fractal pornography...a huge collage of a scene made up of many tiny versions of that scene.
posted by HeroZero at 3:02 PM on April 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

I once got paid $50 to throw out a family friends' 30+ year collection of pornography, including magazines, VHS, and even old 8mm film reels (there was so much porn that it was several hours work to box it all up and haul it from the attic where it was stored to a pre-approved dumpster).

I just sold an early 80's VHS porn tape, without its outer box, on eBay for $60. If I found someone getting rid of a porn collection that took hours to box up, I'd probably start weeping with joy.

Depending on what the magazines are, they could be worth $$$ (probably not, of course. Just sayin' it might be worth looking into).
posted by the bricabrac man at 4:41 PM on April 15, 2009

I saw a bicycle a couple of months ago very carefully covered in a collage of porn. That's one idea.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:42 PM on April 15, 2009

Scan them all and arrange them into a giant collage. Put them up on a website covered, and every time someone sends you a dollar, uncover one, and send me 20 cents.
posted by Caviar at 4:57 PM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hold on to them. He'll want them back when he gets divorced.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 5:26 PM on April 15, 2009

Everyone's answers are hilarious!
I am going to try a bit of all of them.
Thank you so much for this wealth of wonderfulness.
posted by Sully at 9:54 PM on April 15, 2009

My friend makes buttons for us out of the pictures from porno mags. Fun thing to wear when you're going out.
posted by girlmightlive at 5:37 AM on April 16, 2009

Oooh, you could go high-concept art. People all remember that Chris Ofili's Holy Virgin Mary painting had a clump of elephant dung on it, but what most people don't know is that he also included 100 cut-outs of the butts and labia from different porn centerfolds, because they looked sorta like butterflies or cherubs.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:22 AM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ebay? do they let you sell porn? If not, collage. And give it to the happy couple.
posted by fifilaru at 6:58 PM on July 5, 2009