How Do I Stop Burning Up?

April 12, 2009 7:21 PM

CrisisFilter: when I'm in a meeting and there's a question that everyone looks at me to answer, I burn up - I feel my face redden, my ears start to glow and my back heats up and starts to sweat. Why is this a crisis? I've just been made Training Manager.

All this started about 4 years ago when I was casually introduced to some clients and I just burnt up red. I'd been introduced to clients numerous times before so I don't know why this began happening then.

And then recently I've been attending meetings (this is a pretty new job requirement for me) and noticed the same thing was happening when I "took the floor" so to speak. Contributing thoughts, observations or whatever isn't a problem, but when all eyes are on me then burn up happens. I have to stop in my tracks and stare at the table and pretend that I've lost my train of thought. So I manage it by lying low in meetings, not taking the floor if possible/ perhaps contributing later by email, and using very concise answers to direct questions (maybe not such a bad thing!).

But now I've been made Training Manager which means I'm really going to be the focus of attention. What's going to happen when I take a training session and I start to burn? Why did this start happening? And what will make it stop!!!

If it helps any, I been taking a very low dose of Remeron/ Mirtazipine for the past 6 months for anxiety related depression, but it doesn't help at all with the burn up - it's as bad as it was pre-meds. I guess I could try taking Xanax before every meeting/ training session, but I'm not sure if that'd work. I mean, I don't feel anxiety about the meeting itself; the reaction is more like a fight or flight stress response.

I'm also wondering right now if hypnotherapy might be a possibility?

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (12 answers total)

Damn, you're anonymous and can't answer this, but... is the only problem that you get all red? I mean, can you still think and talk and otherwise function? If so, then it's not the physical reaction that's the problem - it's your self-consciousness about that reaction. If you can work on ignoring that, you will be able to get on with your life - and I would bet that the physical reaction itself will fade once it stops triggering that vicious cycle of nervousness.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:36 PM on April 12, 2009

Practice practice practice (and maybe a little aversion therapy.)
I suggest something like toastmasters to get both of these things out of the way.
posted by bottlebrushtree at 7:47 PM on April 12, 2009

Talk to your doctor or psychiatrist. It may be that you'd be helped by short-term treatment with medication (such as beta blockers) so you could learn to react properly. IANAD.
posted by Picklegnome at 7:48 PM on April 12, 2009

Skip the meds and go straight for the real problem which is you're nervous speaking in front of a crowd. It's perfectly natural. And easy to get over. As bottlebrushtree says, the best way is toastmasters. It worked for me.

Basically what's going on is that growing up we've been conditioned to fear the disapproval of others. This helps keep us all socialized but the downside is that we're also scared when we stand up in front of an audience of peers.

To get rid of this you need to defuse your automatic amygdala response. The way to do this is through repeated exposure in a safe environment. Toastmasters lets you practice getting up and speaking in front of a group. Do it weekly (or you can join more than one club and get even faster improvement) and you'll see definite improvement in a couple of months or so.

The other plus of Toastmasters (something that meds won't give you) is an increased self-confidence in all social situations, the ability to speak off the cuff and present your ideas clearly...the payoff is terrific.
posted by storybored at 8:07 PM on April 12, 2009 [3 favorites]

Blushing anxiety is closely related to social anxiety disorder and can be cured with cognitive behavioral therapy, though storybored's recommendation of toastmasters would probably work just as well ("repeated exposure in a safe environment" sure sounds a lot like CBT/exposure therapy).

One important thing I would add to the above comments is that your blushing is much much much more noticeable to you than to anybody else around you. I'm willing to bet that almost nobody has even noticed that you blush when you're speaking and, if they have noticed, they probably like you more because of it. (Blushing is a really interesting emotion because its the people hate blushing even though it can make other people feel feel positive emotions toward them.)
posted by eisenkr at 8:21 PM on April 12, 2009

Oh yeah, I have something very similar happen to me, except instead of getting red, my throat closes up and my voice starts to shake, which obviously makes it difficult to speak. Like you, it happens when I'm the focus of attention all of the sudden, or when I'm in a formalized speaking situation. I use beta-blockers when I know I will face a situation like this (like a meeting I have to run coming up), and it works wonders. I can't say if it would work in your situation, but for me, it prevents the uncontrollable reaction to feeling self-conscious that causes my issue.

One thing that I try to work on it to focus on what I am saying instead of focusing on how I sound, or that "I AM SPEAKING" feeling I get. I assume using beta-blockers wouldn't be something you could do everyday, but if it works, maybe it would help you get confidence about your ability to not have that reaction, and you could work on other solutions in the meantime.

For me it is really annoying to have this happen when you feel like you have a lot of worthwhile things to say, and it really sucks to feel like your body is betraying you. It sucks that I feel tied to the beta-blockers, so I will be watching what everyone says with interest. But remember everyone has their issues, and you must be respected in your workplace to have been just promoted. Good luck!
posted by zoey08 at 8:22 PM on April 12, 2009

1. Focus on breathing. In and out. Before and during said meetings.
2. When you freeze up, announce it. It can only hurt you because you are ashamed of it and believe that "normal people" don't freeze up on the spot and therefore you have to hide it from your colleagues. When you stop trying to hide it from colleagues, it loses its power. Just say "oops, I get nervous on the spot. What was I saying?" or something to that effect.

Cant say either or both of these will solve your problems but they will help. You really just have to get over being embarrassed at being embarrassed, and the way to do that is to disclose your embarrassment. Not easy to do but there it is.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 8:47 PM on April 12, 2009

A few ideas:

Lots of community colleges offer public speaking classes -- going through a class might help. A friend of mine suffered pretty severe anxiety when giving presentations at meetings at work, but that stopped after she took a semester long course.

Focusing on the content you need to present might help too. It can be easier to be confident when you think the material you want to discuss is important and when you're prepared to present it. Your promotion might help with that part, actually, since (I presume) you'll be giving similar presentations repeatedly and the material is important.

It sometimes helps to "redefine" success. ie the meeting is a success if you convey the information you want to your audience. If you get flustered, nervous, etc., it can be embarrassing, but as long as you convey the information, you succeeded.

This is something you can practice for -- you can get a friend or two to sit with you in fake meetings and put you on the spot. Then you can all talk about how you did, and try again. It's surprisingly nerve racking to practice in front of friends like this, and you can video tape yourself if you want to increase the pressure. Some friends of mine and I prepared for a round of job interviews like this and it was extremely helpful.

To end on a positive note: you're pulling it off better than you think! You were made training manager, so your performance during these meetings is probably pretty good, despite your nervousness.
posted by calcalcal at 12:29 AM on April 13, 2009

I have this exact same problem. I'll be in a meeting, will either be called on to speak or decide to volunteer an opinion, and as soon as I've got everyone's attention I go bright red from shoulders to the top of my head.

I've just had to learn to take a deep breath and forge ahead. If it gets very bad I might say "oh, I've gone all red. Anyway..." and carry on. I did tell my boss about it after one particular incident, because he was concerned about me. I told him it's just a reaction I can't help, and that the best thing he can do to help is respond to what I'm saying rather than how I'm acting. After a minute or two it fades whether I speak or not, so I figure I might as well get my say in.

And it's slowly getting better. Might be a while before I'm perfectly fine, but I've noticed a definite improvement over the last few years (I don't often have to speak in front of people, maybe once every few months).
posted by harriet vane at 3:08 AM on April 13, 2009

The "burning red" feeling you have is just that - you might feel it but others can't see it - your head don't really go bright red. Then instead of the 'red' feeling becoming a source of further embarrassment, it will just fade anyway as you focus on what you are saying.

I've always found that thinking about what I'm saying and being engaged in my own speech takes away all the nerves. (So that works great unless you are just BS'ing and ad-libing).

But remember - your head don't really go bright red.
posted by Xhris at 8:06 AM on April 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I suggest TOASTMASTERS.

It's inexpensive and a great learning experience, plus you get to meet new people in a warm and supportive environment. Some groups have a more religious/cultish slant than others, so don't be afraid to try a few different groups until you find the one that's right for you. Good luck!
posted by jennyhead at 1:08 PM on April 13, 2009

Oh, just a little followup with a couple of tips that I learned from Toastmasters to help deal with nervousness.

First and most important is to prepare what you want to say beforehand and then stand up and practice it alone, out loud. It is not enough to go over it in your head. You need to hear the sound of your own voice! Also do NOT practice in front of a mirror. The reason is that you want to simulate the talk-experience as much as possible beforehand. I can pretty much guarantee that you will not see your own reflection on the day of your talk.

When zero-hour arrives, here's a way to handle those nervous reactions like blushing or turning red, having a tightened voice, or shaky legs.

Say to yourself, "I give permission to you, my face, to turn red" (if blushing is the problem). This is totally weird of course but the little trick works wonders. I was always curious as to why and I just recently found out at a seminar at the annual AAAS meeting in Chicago. It turns out that verbalizing an anxiety allows the rational part of the brain to dampen the fear response. Or in neuro-speak, "Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity in Response to Affective Stimuli".

Again, I would say stay away from the meds. Once the nerves are under control, public speaking is criminally fun! (But not if you're doped up).
posted by storybored at 1:42 PM on April 13, 2009