The things we should have discussed ahead of time
March 13, 2014 5:08 PM Subscribe
My 72-year-old mother has been in the ICU for a week, and it's 50-50 on whether she'll pull through or die. I'm struggling to be a responsible adult about the whole thing.
posted by iarerach to Human Relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Special snowflake details: She has a chronic lung disease, then caught H1N1 on top of it. That developed into pneumonia. She's currently on a ventilator; she crashed when the paramedics were taking her to the hospital a week ago. The ventilator was removed a few days later, but then re-introduced when she began to crash again. Right now, it's a matter of seeing if she's going to manage without it. If she can't, she's made her wishes quite clear in the past and we'll be abiding by them.
Meanwhile, I have a severe anxiety disorder, an overload of credits in my final year of undergrad, and no idea what I'm supposed to do now.
We'd covered the medical stuff in the past, as well as the post-mortem scenarios. When you hit 70, I guess it's just expected. But no one has ever explained to me the other parts. Should I be paying bills? I don't have any money, and no written permission to access her accounts (though I have the PIN for her debit card). I've debated calling and just saying I'm her, as I have all the necessary information, but "is that the right thing to do" and "does it even freaking matter" are eating at me.
I'm 23 and I used to live alone, so that part isn't an issue. I recently had my anxiety medication doubled as well, so I'm half-zombie most of the time. But it's midterms week, the dog cries all day and all night looking for her in the house, and there's a pile of things that I'm sure I should be taking care of but I don't know how.
Posting to the green for an impartial look/varity of opinions.