*HOOOOOONNNNKK*

March 6, 2009 7:41 AM

I need to be able to blow my nose. Very loudly.

I'm not sick, but I've been cast in a show and my character needs to blow his nose several times during the performance. Without actually being congested, I need to produce the trumpety, goose-call type of nose blow that would make a librarian's head explode and a classroom full of test-taking students snap their pencils in half with frustration. How do I achieve this?

posted by backseatpilot to grab bag (12 comments total)

Simple. Just blow a massive raspberry into the tissue/handkerchief.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:44 AM on March 6

Get a noisemaker from a new year's party sort of thing, stick that in your handkerchief, use that to help you make a loud, weird noise. I dunno if you'll be able to stick it up your nose, but you could disguise the noisemaker with the handkerchief and blow it with your mouth.
posted by lizbunny at 7:46 AM on March 6

Hrm. I guess what I am thinking of is not technically a raspberry, as I read the Wikipedia page. You don't want your tongue involved, just pretend you are playing the trumpet -- blow air through your pressed-together lips. If you keep your lips rather "loose" you will get a convincing nose blow sound.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:47 AM on March 6

a duck call would also work btw.
posted by lizbunny at 7:47 AM on March 6

When I was in fourth grade, I was in a play that required me to blow my nose very loudly. I was told to do what Rock Steady suggests, and it worked very well.
posted by Lucinda at 7:57 AM on March 6

if this is a comedy, then you could probably have a lot of fun with this.

talk with the director about it.

it's possible that something ridiculous sounding might make the audience laugh even more than if you just blew your own nose.

i'm thinking of charlie chaplin for some reason - i know he was silent but that sort of deadpan ridiculousness.
posted by sio42 at 8:05 AM on March 6

I think the key here is that you will not actually use your nose, but your mouth to make the noise. Making a trumpet sound with a completely clear nose is probably damn near impossible.

As long as you have a tissue or a hankerchief on stage then no one can see you using your lips. Press them together and make a horrible sound. I am sure you could practice to the non-amusement of whomever you live with - which should make it that much more fun for you!
posted by Brettus at 8:16 AM on March 6

Cover one nostril with your thumb while blowing, do a sustained trumpet blow with your mouth closed, and slowly release the closed nostril while blowing. This should produce a WHOOONK noise (Your proboscis may vary).
posted by benzenedream at 9:04 AM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Find a brass player (ideally trumpet or horn) to teach you how to make a buzz with a legit embouchure. The smaller you're able to make the buzzing area (eg, like horn and trumpet players do, as opposed to trombone & tuba) the more it'll sound like blowing your nose, and it can be really loud.

If you can't find anyone, brief summary: Keep the corners of your mouth together, start with your lips together, roll them in a bit (like you're trying to hide the pink of your lips a little) and try to focus the air so it all comes out a small spot in the center. If you're doing it right the pitch will be a lot higher than a raspberry and your lips will tingle for a while after.
posted by range at 9:16 AM on March 6

Hold the hanky over your nose. Press nostrils together (I use my index fingers of both hands).
As you attempt to blow through your closed nostrils, gradually release the pressure. Blow hard! You should achieve your nostrils buzzing as air passes through the narrowed passages. Mine works just find (I discovered the trick in grade school. Lucky me!) The pitch produced varies with pressure.

Practice, but not too much. You can over do it and make your nasal passages unhappy.

The idea of using some device or sound effect is nice, but, unless the venue is so large that everything is heard over the PA system, the sound won't come from you, unless it's something you hold. But if that isn't an issue, I'd suggest using a fog horn sound, and while the the sound happens, you're holding your hanky very loose, and you blow out of your mouth, so the hanky waves in the wind as the sound effect plays. If the timing is right, you'll bring down the house!
posted by Goofyy at 9:32 AM on March 6

I worked tech on a show once where one of the actors used a really loud bike bulb horn and got huge laughs.
posted by klangklangston at 11:36 AM on March 6

Use a neti pot to fill your sinuses with water about 20-30 minutes before your scene. You'll will have tons of snot to blow out loudly
posted by i_love_squirrels at 1:19 PM on March 6